Saw
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| Saw | |
|---|---|
 The writing to the fifth paragraph saw the Saw article reach greater depths. | |
| Written by | Me |
| Starring | You |
| Release date(s) | Never |
| Running time | Now |
| Preceded by | Seen |
| Followed by | See |
“I've seen saw, that is to say I saw it...”
~ Noel Coward on seeing Saw
“I bought 1000 microcassette recorders at Walmart yesterday.”
~ Jigsaw on buying 1000 microcassette recorders at Walmart yesteday
“It was easy... The solution was right under my nose.”
~ Michael Jackson on Saw
Hello, GETHIN. I want to play a game. Several seconds ago you entered this article, in which you saw an oppertunity to get a share of torture porn in the cover of reading a humour website; Now you will get a chance to see yourself.
Each of the next paragraphs will make you suffer from endless amount of suck, but will also bring you closer to the ultimate test. Then, you will discover if you are seen by other people as you see yourself. But you better hurry: Your mindset and eyeballs are connected to this page using real human neurons; By the time you get to the end of this article, if you have gazed at it for too long, they might suffer enough damage to make your eyes pop out and your brain pour out of your eye sockets. Here's a hint, you must CONTROL+ the uncontrollAble parts of your lewd desires.
Contents |
[edit] Let the games begin
[edit] Think how I think
Through the use of extremely complex machines created by Jewish inventor Rube Goldberg, each of the following paragraphs will lead you down an increasingly dangerous path, ultimately ending with a final test, revealing your true nature. That is to say, that through the apparent complexity of an ingenious yet deadly machination you will approach your final destination. interesting, if you are reading this, that means you have made it past the first article, here is another hint, read the full page without stopping.
Now, you may think that a machine of such devilish complexity could be prone to errors and mistakes, allowing you to survive your supposed predestined fate, but THAT is were the inherent genius of the system takes over. Should any part of the system fail, an equally clever and overly complex backup system is on hand to guarantee the desired result. hello again, GETHIN, you are doing well, the next part will probably end your life though.
[edit] Link how I link
This paragraph leads to a page which has been described by one of the Uncyclopedia admins as "the worst page on the intarweb", and which elements from it were compared to sex diseases. It has been connected to such terms as Lemon Party, and could easily be referred to as "the Cannibal Holocaust of Uncyclopedia pages". The link to it in this paragraph is disguised; If you can get over your sick desire to witness this filth and move on to the next paragraph, you might save yourself some precious moments and some mental damage too. you're probably wondering where you are, I'll tell you where you might be, you might be inthe room you are going to DIE in.
[edit] Predict what I predict
When you saw the title of this paragraph, you automatically predicted it will contain some kind of a prediction. These kinds of assumptions are dangerous. [1]
One of the authors of this entire article also made a prediction once, one that is perhaps too up-to-date. This person recently wrote an Unnews article which contains a source which is, while relevant to the report, is not from the current day but from the next one. This page you are reading links to that report.
Now you have two choices: The first one is to keep your original prediction that this paragraph indeed contains a prediction and assume it is the prediction of this paragraph's author that you will indeed look up for this Unnews article and see the prediction in it; The second one is to just continue to the next paragraph, predicting that you will not miss much by not looking up the said prediction, meaning that the prediction act described in the title reffers to this new prediction you have just made.
[edit] Prick like my prick
This test will probe a little deeper into the origins of what brought you to read this article in the first place. But in order to do that, you might want to learn a thing or two about this article's own history. The very first version of it was of a somewhat gay nature, and was discovered and huffed by Canadian admin Todd Lyons by using a special gaydar known as The Lyons-Gaydar, or in short Lyonsgayd, or Lionsgate in American accent. Not a long time after that, the Lions Gate Entertainment was formed, specializing in developing gaydars and torture instruments for recovering gay articles and punsihing their authors. Since then, the article has been huffed for several more times.
Your mission, should you choose to except it, is to find the total number of the huffs, get the number of bytes in the version of this article that matches the number of the huffs, and find the American President who died in the year that matches that number of bytes. Now check your result: As closer you are to George W. Bush, the more you suck; If you chose to do nothing of the above, you get Hillary Clinton.
[edit] Twist as I twist
Now you have reached your final test. Throughout this article you have been given several chances to avoid reading this filthy Uncyclopedia material, and now you can make your final choice: Should you continue reading until the end, or should you overcome your sick desire, and find it in your soul to exit this article and have a nice wank to a Bon Jovi album, or whatever sick bastards like you use to spend your days doing.
But I see you couldn't resist your passion to continue reading. You might want to know, however, that this article you're at the moment finishing up reading has been all along not a parody on the American Saw film series, but actually a parody on you, the reader of this article; You was the subject of all these shitty jokes you have been reading. This has been suggested to you in several ways since you first entered this article, by inticating what seemed to be facts regarding your own nature; Thus, the way you see yourself is exactly the way this article described you:
- The Wikipedia template links to the article about the tool. This was to show you you are nothing but a tool in the author's hands;
- Your desire was referred to as "sick"[citation needed];
- Your desires were described as dangerous: Unsourced statement;
- It is assumed you are able to determine the exact deathday of each American person: Original research;
- The jokes in this article are referred to a "shitty": Lies.
Now would be a good time for you to scream the word No over and over again for a few times, [2] just to make this thing closer to a parody on the film series, and perhaps save some of your dignity. Game over.
[edit] References
- ↑ Even in national scale: see UnNews:Having already decided results of 2008 elections, U.S. media moves on to predicting 2012 results.
- ↑ A simple oh noes might do.
