Saxophone

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

	This article was written by a кoммциіѕт.
	"In Soviet Яussia, template adds УФU!!" *Note that both the Chiniзe and teh Яussians love thiz AЯTICLE!*

Your typical Saxophone

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Saxophone.

“In my day, saxophones were smeared with various jams and eaten. Wait, no, that's not right.”

~ Oscar Wilde on saxophones

Saxophonist: 1. Someone who plays on a saxophone while being admired by a furby. Saxophonists are commonlly mistaken for furbies, because of the time spent on talking Spangermitalifrenswedutch, but in actuallity are just victims of rape. This is also a disputed fact, but up yours if you make a big deal about it. Saxophonists will attack maids on sight. Oscar Wilde was a saxophonist.

2. A saxophone is a musical instrument made for people who enjoy jumping in a bucket while eating lots of burgers!(and women too, assuming burgers are not readily available).

3. Used to be referred to as a sackbutt, in the baroque times.

4. A saxophone is a woodwind instrument, the word 'woodwind' coming from a greek translation meaning 'the sound a big tree makes as it is flung through the air during a rather large gale of wind' which later was just shortened to 'ww' for the obvious.

5. It is a commonly known fact that every saxophonist hates any and all flutists. They will attack any flute on sight.

6. Michael Haynes and Jonathan Thorne. They will fuck you up...nuff said.

1 Fun With Saxophones
2 Main Music Genres
3 Role In History
4 Construction
5 See Also

[edit] Fun With Saxophones

The saxophone is a highly versatile, if heavy and unwieldy instrument.

A saxophone can be a man's best friend, in fact many famous sax players have been known to buy special leads to take their saxophones out for walks in the park.

Another fun thing to do with saxophones is to play them over a hardcore guitar and bass etc backing, this avoids all the suckiness of jazz and allows you to jump around stage showing off your wicked badass moves.

[edit] Main Music Genres

The Saxophone mainly plays music such as... Well, a Saxophone is such a multi-genre directioned instrument that people can't relate it to any music genre there is. That's because what the saxophone really plays can not be considered "music". A more appropriate term would be "torture". CIA traitors are put to death this way- slowly, and painfully. This is only done when a flute is not readily availible.

The saxophone is also one of the few musical instruments that is not normally played in an orchestra. The only reason they are still allowed to play in band is because of pity.

[edit] Role In History

Originally called the saxofizzle, the saxophone was traditionally viewed as a unifying instrument between the brass and woodwinds. Before the invention of the saxophone entire orchestras were wiped off the face of the Earth(zorz) (olde Englishe) through civil wars which would often break out during Baroque pieces. For example the great clarinet massacre of 1337 (commonly known as the hundred years war) wherein ten thousand clarinets were slain at the hands of 300 trombones was pacified by the courageous efforts of a few good saxophones trained in special-ops. Among their ranks were such influential characters as Oscar Wilde, Rudolf Hess, The Giggle Cannon, DJ Jazzy Jeff, and the infamous Bleeding Gums Murphy. Today the saxophone continues to be awesome and come in four different flavours: Mariah Carey (much too high), Michael Jackson (slightly too high), just right (a favourite of young Dutch-Irish jailbait girls), tenor (frequently on sale for as little as a fiver), and Barry White (amazing). All of which are quite influential in the process of making whoopee, and the preservation of musical harmony. It is a little known fact that a saxophone player was the reason for the Decembrist Revolt in 1825; he called the Tsar a "donkey-dick"

[edit] Construction

The primary ingredient in constructing a saxophone is road kill. Saxophone makers take the squished raccoons that nobody feels like barbequeing, squeeze it into some sort of a shape, and spray it a shiny color so that the people with "shinyshinymusttouchnowitis" will pay for it. That is why you will never meet a "normal" saxophone player. It is one of the basic laws of the universe: e=mc squared, 5-4=7, and all saxophone players are saxy.

3 years later. A boy named Praneal Prasad, was said to be sent from the heavens to play the saxoph0ne. And he played. And its sounds awsome!!!!