Schapelle Corby

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Schapelle reportedly paid thousands of dollars to a make up artist for this shot, demanding they make her look 'perfect'

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Schapelle Corby.

Schapelle Corby was born to a lesbian and popular television icon Skippy the Kangaroo in the Australia outback in 1969. When Schapelle was 4 years old, her mother fatally overdosed on LSD. Due to the stress of looking after a child, Skippy's past of alcoholism and hard drug use resurfaced. In 1979, police investigating Skippy for an alleged theft of a oven, instead found several kilograms of cocaine hidden in his house.

[edit] Schapelle As Paul Hogan's Hat

Corby as Paul Hogan's penis - according to myth, she is one of only two people alive to have seen Hogan's vagina. The other of course being Ernie Dingo.

In 1986, Corby auditioned for the role of Paul Hogan's penis in Crocodile Dundee. Whilst the film was an enormous success, boosting Hogan into the limelight, Corby was almost immediately forgotten, and again found herself in the position of having to find work. Crocodile Dundee's producers did not like Corby in her role as the hat, and for the two sequels, they instead used Nicole Kidman, who after her undemanding and unexciting performance in BMX Bandits, wanted a tough, challenging role.

[edit] Schapelle In Moulin Rouge

Certain feminist groups complained about the fact that the biggest female role in the movie was playing a windmill, but Baz replied "Fuck those dykes..."

In 2001, Corby re-entered the world of Hollywood. She auditioned for Baz Lurhman's Moulin rouge, and was accepted as the main female role; of playing the windmill. However, when Baz found her in the trailer smoking crack, she was sacked straight away and arrested and jailed for possesion. It has been rumored that Schapelle's loneliness has triggered or to say at least unleashed a wild sexually aggressive nymphomatic behaviour within Corby. There has been a reported incident that Schapelle has engaged in a wild masturbating with herself and sometimes with underage school girls.

Baz urgently needed a skilled actress, and after viewing both Crocodile Dundee II and the award-winning masterpiece, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, straight away decided on Nicole Kidman as the replacement actress, emotionally stating "I have never seen anyone play a hat so GODDAMN passionately; her perfomance just fucking BLEW me away..."

[edit] 2004 World Bodyboarding Championship - Bali, Indonesia

Scandal rocked the 2004 championship when on day 4 of competition, the then reigning Australian Women’s Bodyboard Champion Schapelle Corby was disqualified over a weighted bodyboard. This then gave the lead to the Icelander and bitter rival Björk Freezmatitzorf who then went on to win the competition. Fury erupted across Australia with accusations that the Indonesian bodyboarding officials had tampered with her board to give the Indonesian women's champion Megawati Sukarnoputri a better chance. Of course such corruption would never occur in Indonesia or the sport of bodyboarding. Schapelle Corby's bodyboard later failed a drugs test carried out by the World Anti-Doping Agency and is currently under a 20 year suspension.

[edit] Recent years

Corby being dragged away after her faeces throwing incident at the Logies.

After being released from prison in 2005, Schapelle returned to Australia. Upon finding out that Kidman had again taking her role in another movie, she decided to stalk Nicole. She was subsequently shot by firing squad for raping a cow.

When Nicole got up to speak at the 2005 Logies Awards Ceremony, Schapelle leaped out of her seat and similar to a monkey, proceeded to throw handfuls of her faeces at Kidman. She was promptly carried outside by security guards, and after frisking her, they found numerous small bags of cocaine. She is currently in an Indonesian jail for possesion, intent to sell and unlawful assault.