Science FACT

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“Why would I steal this kitten!? I don't even like kittens, let alone huffing, and that's Science FACT.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Stealing kittens

Science FACT is the area of science that is devoted to 100% accurate and indisputable facts, and totally eliminates the need for any proof.

Previously it was thought that Science FACT had always existed, until Colin Philips of Chiswick, London made this announcement, one evening in the summer of 2003, at his local pub:

"Look 'ere, gov'nor. Don't you go telling me when I've 'ad enuff to drink. I can handle ANYFING and that's science FACT. In faaact, I invented Science FACT, and that's Science FACT! SO, what do you fink of that, then? Eh? EH!?"

The "governor" of the drinking establishment was immediately unable to argue any further, and proceeded to serve the gentleman the quadruple Vodka he had requested. Colin Philips (RIP 1967-2003) will always be remembered for his massive contribution to science, and his bizarre compulsion to dance naked in the middle of the M25 Motorway at 2am the following morning.

[edit] Benefits

This is by far the most efficient area of science.

It requires absolutely none of the following:

• Time consuming research
• Dangerous experiments
• Costly scientists - Scientists are notorous drama queens, and will often storm out of unsuccessful experiments to retire to their trailer for the afternoon.
• Paperwork
• Computers
• Evidence
• Conclusive proof
• Publishing in a renowned science journal

[edit] Correct usage

Anyone can use Science FACT. Science FACT merely needs to be stated as such, and it becomes Science FACT. It does not have to be backed up by any further information on the subject.

When stating a Science FACT it is important to include the words "and that's Science FACT." at the end of the Science FACT, otherwise it is NOT a Science FACT, and is instead merely heresay, gossip and complete unsubstantiated bullshit.

Incorrect:

"Chuck Norris is better than Vin Diesel."

"You moron. That's such crap."

Correct:

"Honest, you can cut glass with an ordinary pair of scissors, underwater, and that's Science FACT"

"Really?"

"Science... FACT."

"OK then."

[edit] Science FACTS

• Ants are the only animals other than humans that feel sadness.
• In Japan nobody eats Sushi. It is an American invention.
• If you cut off a cat's whiskers, it cannot stand upright.

[edit] Contradiction

It is impossible to have 2 contradicting Science FACTS, since only one can be a Science FACT. This has never happened, and there is absolutely no possibility of the universe imploding, ever, and that's Science FACT.