Scrubs
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“It kicks so much ASS! I wish my show kicked that much ass!”
~ Gregory House on some big breasted blonde
“Are you a real doctor, or a doctor like Dr. Pepper is a doctor?”
~ Dr Cox on Gregory House
“These guys are wearing Scrubs.”
~ Captain Obvious on Scrubs
“I am fairly sure that if they took porn off the internet, there would only be one website left and it would be called bring back the porn.”
~ Dr. Cox on pornography
“What a terrific anecdote! You should write that down in your journal so your kids can read it when you're dead!”
~ Dr. Kelso on this article
“People are bastard covered bastards with bastard filling”
~ Dr. Cox & Dr. Kelso on People
“This show is so great that I want to have sex with it”
~ Oscar Wilde on Scrubs
“Scooter pies...I hate scooter pies!”
~ The Janitor on J.D.
“Which one's the funny guy?”
~ Peter Griffin on Scrubs
Scrubs is a medical documentary set at Sacred Heart Hospital, which is neither sacred nor heart-shaped. The main protagonist is a doctor named John “J.D.” Dorian, who has a serious mental condition that causes him to narrate his life ceaselessly. It also causes him to have frequent daydreams about life, bunnies, scooter pie, and Floating Head Doctor. Of course, no episode of Scrubs is complete without a musical montage at the end bringing all the extremely creative sub-plots together under one moral which J.D. explains in a voiceover while a song by a band that Zach Braff's discovered plays in the background.
[edit] Characters
- Dr. John "J.D." Dorian - Pasty manchild who will never actually be completely straight.
- Dr. Chris Turk - The whitest black guy ever. He's really a bear covered in human-shaped chocolate, hence the nickname “Chocolate Bear”.
- Dr. Elliot "Double Frick" Reid – Twiggy mancow, only dogs can hear her voice. Has serious issues with her hair, sort it out love. She has a depressed head on her for most of the 3rd series, especially when Dr Cox makes fun of her for being a prostitute-for-clowns.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa - Dominatrix-like Dominican, supremely bossy, and loves how much the patients love her. Contrary to popular belief, her middle name is not 'Juanita'.
- Dr. Perry Cox - Giant angry mop head, loves himself and secretly in love with J.D. Basically spends his life dealing with shit, in every sense of the word (i.e. lies, hardships and other people's faeces).
- Dr. Bob Kelso – Spawned by the Dark Prince in 1542, he got to be the Chief of Medicine by ass-kissing... literally.
- Jordan Sullivan - Dr. Cox's demented ex-wife, has sex with everything that moves.
- Ted Buckland - Bald sweaty guy. Sex god.
- "The Todd" - Basically a walking penis. Every young boy's role model.
- The Janitor - He keeps an army of stuffed squirrels in his home, which he will use as the ultimate weapon to end the shootout in the final ever episode.
- Nurse Laverne Roberts - That one gossipy nurse, the one that got hit by a car, ended up in a coma and then died, and Carla was all pissy for like two weeks. How do you like them apples?
- Rowdy – The preserved dead dog shared by J.D. and Turk that they practise their bumming skills with on a regular basis.
- Keith Dudemeister - Elliot's boyfriend, perpetually hated by J.D. Unfortunately, not everyone's last name lends itself to an easy nickname, the reason Keith does not have one.
- Jason "Cabbage" Cabagio - Intern under J.D., known for his ape impression. His incompetence led to the death of everyone's favorite patient, Mrs. Wilke, and he would later be dumped from the hospital staff and go on to work in the hospital coffee shop where his continued negligence would lead to not only severe burns to his co-workers, but delicious 'Appletini' flavored coffee for J.D.
[edit] Facts You Should Know
- Dr Cox is NOT an asshole. He's a Bag-'o'-Cox.
- JD and Turk are able to morph together into Multi-Ethnic Siamese Twins.
- For the last time, Turk, Carla's Dominican.
- J.D. doesn't day dream all the time, he has a tiny man inside his head that is lonely.
- 94% of all scenes in Scrubs involve someone falling over. It has been theorised that this is intentional, and there's dope in the water supply of the hospital causing lack of self-control.
- Carla and Laverne are always snapping their fingers and saying “Oh no you didn't". This is because they are sistaz from da 'hood.
- Dr Kelso is such a bastard because his son is Peter Tatchell. He doesn't like that.
- J.D. is secretly Clay Aiken. (Oh, wait, he's not gay? Seriously? Wow. Nevermind then.)
[edit] Group Suicide Pacts Related to the shows ending
A few groups have sprung up around the country, who are threatening to kill themselves after the final episode of the show has aired. One group of Pennsylvanian teenagers stated "we just won't be able to live anymore with out new episodes being produced". Some of these groups are holding themselves for ransom while others would never want Zach Braff to be blamed for their deaths. The writers of the show have officially released a statement, assuring these groups that "you guys need, like, a life or something". Others have simply stated that they will make their own episodes of "Scrubs", but they won't be as funny or hypnotic.
