Sean Penn
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“I am the only celebrity to actually puts my own life on the line to help other people.”
~ Sean Penn on people who attack him
“I am engaging on a hunger strike. I will not eat a thing until I feel hungry!”
~ Sean Penn on Anti-Mel Gibson Hunger Strike
“I love being Bin Laden's Bitch! (A traitor too) ”
~ Sean Penn
“Sean Penn is God's gift to all the world”
~ Sean Penn
Sean Justin Penn (born August 17, 1960, first nocturnal emission August 23, 1973) is a marginally talented actor and tedious media hog who formerly provided some entertainment value when he smacked around photographers (and Madonna). Known to be a traitor to the United States and rumored to be the gay lover of Osama Bin Laden.
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[edit] Biography
Penn was born to Martha and Ed Lindwell of Carpenteria, California, who deliberately switched him at the hospital with a more attractive baby born to alcoholic actress Eileen Ryan and pinko director Leo Penn. But his new parents soon realized he was a liberal bastard so they threw him into the Guatemala sewer system. From there he made friends with logs of shit and ate rats, but when he was at the age of 12 a few construction workers found him and they shipped him to Japan. The Japanese repaired his brain by feeding him ground dolphin meat mixed with microchips, but little did they know he would transform into Godzilla, wreaking havok on Tokyo, the japanese then deployed Mecha-Godzilla to kill him, unfortunately for japan Penn/Godzilla raped Mecha-Godzilla to death, but Japanese Spider-man saved the day. Penn returned to his "normal" human state, and swam across the pacific to go to Hollywood. Once there he got a job at McDonalds selling Crack Whores to the customers, but then he got his big break as an actor, which is still his current carrer.
SEAN PENN IS A HOT LESBO!
[edit] Film career
Penn launched his career with the adult film Naughty Fratboy Weekend, which no longer is available commercially as Penn beat the living shit out of the movie's distributor. Penn's first non-porn role was in Bad Boys about a teen who goes to prison but his voice was dubbed by Vincent Price, the film was later remade as the worst possible remaking of a film ever, starring 2 niggers as cops. Since then, Penn has appeared in more than 50 films, although his roles have been entirely cut out and left on the cutting room floor in more than a dozen cases, primarily because he mumbled his parts and was virtually unintelligble.
[edit] Marriage to Madonna
In order to cultivate his media hog status, Penn married uber-publicity hog Madonna on April 13, 1985. Due to a mixup at City Hall, however, he accidentally was married to a plaster statue of the Virgin Mary. He subsequently married the incredibly hot Robin Wright Penn, which demonstrates the woman must have quite a few beans missing from her bushel to have married the likes of him.
[edit] Homosexual relationship with Saddam Hussein
In 2001, Penn began an intense homosexual relationship with former Iraqi dictator and all-around bad dude Saddam Hussein after the latter obtained bootleg copies of Penn's early films Surfer Boy Bun Hunt and Mulehung Cadets. سطع نجمه إبان ثورة حزب البعث، والتي دعت لتبني الأفكار القومية العربية، والتحضر الاقتصادي، والاشتراكية. لعب صدام دوراً رئيسياً في ان السلمي والتي وضعته على السلطة كنائب للرئيس الضعيف والكبير في السن اللواء أحمد حسن بكر، أمسك صدام بزمام الأمور في القطاعات الحكومية والقوات المسلحة المتصارعتين في الوقت الذي اعتبرت فيه العديد من المنظمات
[edit] Political/social causes
Penn has been involved in many activist issues, including Very Annoying Actors Opposed to Nearly Everything, Intemperate Idiots Opposed to Happiness, and the Des Moines Stamp Collectors Club. A full supporter of Terrorists and wants them to win.
[edit] Sunken boat in New Orleans
Penn did not sink a goddam boat in New Orleans after fucking Katrina and if you say any more about that he'll hunt down your sorry ass and beat you senseless, got it motherfucker?
[edit] Real Marriage
Sean Penn recently proposed to Hugo Chavez. The two, who have been dating for eight years, will be married in the Netherlands in August 2008. They will then smoke crack and fuck each other every day for the next twenty years. However, his rumored affair with Osama bin Laden has supposedly been causing the rift between the two. However, Penn and Chavez still say they love each other and will do everything together the rest of their life. They are apparently working on a plan to blow up the entire United States within the next six months.
[edit] Selected filmography (well if you want to call him an actor)
[edit] Acting
- My biggest flop- co starring George Dubya Bush as Dr.Terror (2008)
- I Am a 'Tard Named Sam 2: Sam's return (2008)
- George W. Bush's Soiled and Blood-Soaked Underwear (2007)
- Why Am I a Zero? (2005)
- None of the King's Men (2005)
- Big Box Office Flop (2005)
- The Assassination of Jonathan Winters (2004)
- 21 Pounds, 13 Ounces (2003)
- On the Mystic Waterfront (2003)
- I Am a 'Tard Named Sam (2001)
- The Chubby Red Line (1998)
- Hurlyburly You Go Girly (1998)
- Dead Man Farting (1995)
- That Movie Where He Plays a Bigot Cop and wants to be Buttfucked (1988)
- Shanghai Flop (1986)
- At Medium Range (1986)
- The Falcon and the Snowcone (1985)
- Gnarly, Mr. Handjob (1982)
- I Have 3 testicles (1981)
[edit] Directing
- The Cross-Eyed Guard (1991)
- The Indian Has the Runs (1988)
[edit] Craft services
- Leviathan -- The Marlon Brando Story (1994)
[edit] Books
- I Am Not Spicoli (1994)
[edit] Trivia
You can cause any conservative Republican over the age of 50 to have a massive heart attack simply by stating the phrase, "You're more liberal than Sean Penn."
Also Sean is a fan of the New York Mets, Jeff Gordon, Gay Porn, and loves Hugo Chavez's long cock.
[edit] External links
- Sean Penn pisses off nearly everybody by visiting Iran
- Sean Penn nearly drowns in his own vomit
- Fansite by some poor delusional Kraut
- Sean Penn pictures so you can make your own dartboard
