Search for Spock

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

“Now there's a sassy frood who knows where his towel is.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Spock

Imagine 90 minutes of this.

Search for Spock is much like Where's Waldo, only with pointy ears. It has captured the hearts of children everywhere (the fat 35 year old ones hanging round Star Trek conventions looking for Seven of Nine). Hiding places for Spock include the Senior Science Officer chair onboard the USS Enterprise, the music video for The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins (you can just see him in the background, over the shoulder of Leonard Nimoy), behind a war chariot in Ancient Rome, the Seaman Aquarium, and in the women's lingerie department of the local mall. Spock probably isn't hiding in the shower, because Trekkies never go there. For similar reasons he is not hiding in the Vagina.

[edit] The Movie

Search for Spock's popularity rose to such stratospheric proportions that a movie was made about it, Star Trek III: Search for Spock. Unfortunately, the epic, 480 page script was lost in the mail. Preliminary filming had already begun on location on the Genesis planet, and it was too expensive to stop shooting and wait for another script, so cast members were forced to improvise 105 minutes of footage, resulting in a movie that bore no resemblance to the writers' vision. This led to a small gang of bemused Klingons under the leadership of Bill Bailey to murder Catpain Kirk's son Jebadiah. Unsurprisingly, no-one cared.

Nonetheless, it was a minor success amongst minors most likely because of the 83 minutes of uninterrupted fart noises, mostly intentional, eminating from cast and crew alike. This classic quote from the film is considered Oscar worthy for the farting alone:

___________________

KIRK: Where could, have Spock, gotten to?

CHEKOV: Waybe we wis wehind wat wace where?

BONES: Where?

CHEKOV: Wooo. Where.

KIRK: Woe indeed. And where? We, are, all terribly saddened, by, his, desmise.

BONES: Damn green blood got whaddi deserved. I shoulda popped him one ages ago; like Uhura did - but with my fist!

CHEKOV: Wa wa wa wa wa wa!

KIRK: There is, no, need, to cry Chekov...

BONES: I think he was laughing Jim. I can never tell anyway, damn commies. Why'da we have to have him on this show anyway; to take the piss outta the Cold War?

CHEKOV: Wobably.

BONES: The commie-nigg... er, I mean Klingons are bad enough - but at least we smoke afew every show. Giving 'em one for the gipper alright.

CHEKOV: Wu-woe. Where ware wome Wingons wow. Wets wide.

BONES: I think that chink Sulu knows some Wu-wo.

KIRK: Lets, hide, behind... Chekov.

KLINGONS APPROACH

CHEKOV: Woh. Whit.

Klingon: Thar be a puny human commie, he be nar match for us nigger-commies! Lets fuck 'im in!

Klingons: ARRRRRH!!

CHEKOV: Waaaargh! Wirk wu wucking wiece wo wuther wucking wunt-water, why wait wu! WHY WATE WU!

HIDING BEHIND A LEAF

KIRK: Kirk to Enterprise.

SULU: Yuh.

KIRK: Chekov, needs, help.

SULU: Ahuh. So? He'll be fine.

BONES: Listen up you yella-blooded yella-bella yella-man! Listen to Chekov!

-- CHEKOV: WAAAAAAGH! Wigger! Wat was why wucking winkie! --

BONES: See! Those pretend-ta-be wiggers just crushed his winkie!

RIKER SMIRKS

Picard: Stop smirking number one.

KIRK: Wait, a minute. Are, you, here, as, part, of some, obligatory, time-travel, episode?

Picard: No, we're on a mission to seek out whoop-arse in all its forms.

-- CHEKOV: WAAAAAAAAARGH! WUUUUUUUUUCK! WA! WA! WAAAAAAGH! --

Picard: I think we've seen enough. Two to beam up.

BEAMS AWAY

Apu: Silly Klingon! You cannot break a winkie!

Klingon: But we can sure hurt it, Arrr!

-- CHEKOV: Won't womwon wease welp we?! Wirk! Wones! Wulu! Wanywone?!! --

BONES: Thats your call Sulu, beam down and give 'em some of the ollld Wu-Wo.

SULU: Wu-wo?

BONES: Yeah, y'know, HI HU WAAAAA!

-- CHEKOV: WAAAAAAARH! --

BONES: See, he needs you. Right Jim?

KIRK: He, certainly, needs, something, right, now.

-- CHEKOV: WHY WATE WUUU! WHY WATE WUUUU! --

BONES: Now he's saying 'why are you waiting to use Wu-wo?' C'mon ya yella-blood, do something!

SULU: Hm. How about, no?

KIRK: How, about, yes?

SULU: How about: 'Go, fuck, yourself, Shatner.'

BONES: Dammit.

KIRK FARTS

BONES: Dammit.

CHEKOV FARTS

Klingon: Fark me! Thatsar reeeeal stinkarhh. Lets go lads, we've ad arrr fun.

Klingons: Arrrrrr!

KLINGONS LEAVE STAGE LEFT

CHEKOV: Why wever wought way warrt would wave why wife... woeeerrrgh...

KIRK: Chekov! Are, you, ok? Thank, Gene, we, just got here, in time.

CHEKOV ROLLS OVER, FACE DOWN

BONES: He's dead Jim.

KIRK: Time to, 'Chekov', another, from the list, then.

BONES: You always did steal the best lines. Galaxy Quest is real in so many ways!

SPOCK: Tim Allen being in a good film is quite illogical however.

KIRK: He's. Alive!

SPOCK: Vulcans have a special affinity for fart noises, Captain. I managed to home in like a fat bastard to Cake. Now just let me resurrect Chekov and we can go back to normal.