Seder
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The Seder, the ceremonial meal of the Jewish holiday of Passover, is famous for being history's first recorded drinking game. The Sedur, occurs on the first, and second if you're more conservative, night of Passover. It is a long and complicated ordeal. Some will cry, others may faint. (In the event you feel yourself fainting it is recommended you faint to the left and drink.)
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[edit] The Haggadah
Fun Fact: If you sound out Haggadah, it sounds like "hug a dad", which has absolutely nothing to do with the passover seder.The Haggadah is the means by which the Sedur Is Conducted. It's a book, read by the person Leading the passover seder. Sometimes the person leading the passover seder may ask others to Read aloud through the Haggadah. The Leader of the Seder may also ask you to put on a Clown wig and A Bikini, and run through the streets of New Delhi. In some cases the Latter may be easier.
[edit] The Order of the Seder
Fun Fact: Seder actually means order. No seriously! I'm not making this up. What, you don't believe me?
The Seder Consists of 15 different parts, Many of which include wine.
[edit] Kadesh
Fun Fact:The Kadesh Is the first step in the Seder, and also contains the first glass of wine. Shows how you how long we wait.
The Kadesh Contains the Kiddush. The Kiddush is the blessing over and drinking of the first glass of wine. If this is the start of the Seder, you should see the finish.
[edit] Urchatz
Fun Fact: It's not Urchatz with out the CHA!
Urchatz is the ceremonial first washing of the hands. It is important to remember that when someone says "Urchatz", they are not saying "You're Hot". This Common Misunderstanding has lead to many a disastrous Seder.
[edit] Karpas
Fun Fact: In some cases, Carpet may taste better then Karpas.
The Karpas Portion of the Seder is where you take the vegetable you would have located someplace on your seder plate, (If lost, maps will be provided.) and dip it in saltwater. That wasn't so hard. Now you have to eat it, but don't worry it isn't that bad... Disclamer: It's worse.
[edit] Yachatz
Fun Fact: I'm Chatz, Yachatz, He's Chatz, She's Chatz. (Cut to instrumental)
Yachatz is the Ceremonial breaking up of the Motza! The bigger part is saved to be the Afikomen. (We'll get to that later) The smaller part is saved for Everyone to eat later. It is by this step in the meal someone bursts out with the timeless phrase: "Can we eat dinner yet?" Which Is responded to with the even more timeless phrase: "No, now shut up or I'm getting the clown wig."
[edit] Maggid
Fun Fact: The Maggid is the Longest part of the Seder.
The Maggid portion contains some of the most intresting parts of the Seder. Including the second cup of wine. Other things:
- The Four Questions- The part of asking these is reserved by the youngest person at the table. They are as Follows:
- Why Is this night different from all others?
- Why Is it we don't get to have the chocolate eggs all the other kids in the neighborhood are having?
- Why Don't I get really good presents for this holiday?
- Why is Great Uncle Morris Hitting on my older sister?
- The Four Children- It is here you read about the four different types of childern you must teach the story to:
- The Wise Child (AKA Doc)- The wise child has learned the story, knows the story, has been through this whole ordeal many times already, and yet still keeps coming back for more. Psychiatrists have a name for people like this.
- The Wicked Child (AKA Grumpy)- This Wicked child couldn't care less. What is this holiday? What does it mean? Boredom to the Wicked Child. For Him/Her, The Haggadah recommends you use a Power saw. If one is not available, a Lathe will Suffice.
- The Simple Child (AKA Dopey)- "What is this Seder?" asks the simple child. To which the Wicked child would respond "What are you stupid?" Then the wise child would say "Leave him alone!" Then the Wicked child and the Wise child would start wrestling each other.
- The One Who Does not Know How to Ask (AKA Sleepy)- By this point, this 4th child would be crying and screaming over the commotion, while the rest of the table got a massive headache.
[edit] Rachtzh
Fun Fact: No I did not just Sneeze! The Rachtzh is the second ceremonial washing of the hands. Man we're Hygienic.
[edit] The Motze and Matzah
Fun Fact: Most Motzah Tastes like Cardboard. This is two parts. First off is the Motze (or Prayer over the matzah. Then, well, a whole lotta Matzah.
[edit] Maror
Fun Fact: Mmmm. Spicy. You have Some Horseraddish. But if you're a Sephardi, i.e. REAL Jew, you take the MOST TOTALLY UTTERLY BITTER HERB KNOWN TO ALL OF MANKIND AND CERTAIN SPECIES OF HYRAX: Romaine lettuce. No other human being is able to stand such bitterness contained in that one green leaf - only Sephardim, because they are physically unable to cry.
[edit] Korech
Fun Fact: It's not Klingon for anything. You make a good sized sandwich out of Horseradish and Matzah. Then you eat it. Then You come about 5 weeks later in a hospital bed and continue the Seder.
[edit] Shulchan Oruch
Fun Fact: Say that 3 times fast. This is the meal portion of the Seder. People get food, they eat it. Motza ball soup is customarily served during this portion.
[edit] Tzafun
Fun Fact: There isn't much fun about Tzafun, once you know how it ends At some point during the Seder, the kids at the table should have gone looking for the Afikomen, which the parents should have hidden after breaking it. If they found it, then they would get some sort of small gift. (Like something your aunt may dig up from the bottom of her purse at the last second.) If they did not find it, it means 10,000 years of horrible doom. Eigther way, everyone at the table eats a piece. That's all they can eat for the rest of the night. No kidding.
[edit] Barech
Fun Fact: You can still have wine after Tzafun! Barech is the 3rd glass of wine!
[edit] Hallel
Fun Fact: Remember that last fun fact? Hallel is the 4th and final glass!
[edit] Nirtzah
Fun Fact: Absolutly no animals were harmed in the making of this sentence.
It's over. You've survived a Seder. Of course now you can't have any food or drink for the rest of the night, but oh well...
