Seductive space boob
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How else are they going to find it?
“Execute order 69!”
~ Emperor Palpatine on the arrival of seductive space boob
“Those jerks at Microsoft charge too much!”
“That is the biggest boob in the universe.”
“There is no way I am sucking on that”
~ Captain Sarcastic
The giant space boob (not to be confused with giant space pussy) is an entity in the Milky Way Galaxy . It was created by Zeus when he was feeling horny (good things he only has limited god powers). It has been known to poison nerdy astronauts that try to suck it, and has so far killed Oscar Wilde (six times), Chuck Norris (he is emperor of the universe, so he didn't die) , and Dildo Faggins (brother of Bilbo Baggins). Many nerds have tried to study it, and Stephen Hawking was almost killed after attempting to scan in a 3D image of the Giant Space Boob to his computer. So far, it's usage has been tracked by Microsoft, who has grown into a multi-billion dollar enterprise because of it.
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[edit] Creation
[The seductive space boob was created when Zeus willed it, and the forces of the universe bent to create it, using human matter. The space boob failed quickly, and left a few tentacles flowing out of the back. Zeus tries to fix it, and is forced to use plastic for backup. It ends up all crappy, so he gets gives up and just enlarges a human boob, which has a few tentacles that Zeus cuts off.
[edit] Usage of the Giant Space Boob
So far, the USSR has once recruited it with devastating success. "Those American soldiers kept on sucking it. We covered the boob in poison, and their 4 million person advantage disappeared in 6 days". The American soldiers responded by commending the world's largest sex pole. Unfortunately, they failed to realize that in Soviet Russia, giant dildo sucks YOU!, and the Russians got rid of it easily by covering their soldiers in poison.
[edit] The first boob war
The first war was fought between Chuck Norris and Zeus. Chuck Norris was struck by lightning four times, but being cool and having the beard of plus nine stamina, he survived to kick Zeus in the balls and called him a n00b which hurt Zeus's feelings quite a lot. Now being a eunuch, and demoted to a level 7 paladin, Zeus decided to be the god of some other planet, and he chose Earth.
[edit] The second boob war
Later, after Chuck Norris retired, George Bush and Sauron fought a gigantic nuclear war for the seductive space boob. Canada was bombed, but George Bush offered a public apology (consisting of spitting on the dying Canadians). After a face to face confrontation, Sauron realized he was George Bush's long lost soul, so he possessed George Bush. George Bush has since become much nicer, and allowed Microsoft to take the space boob instead.
[edit] Cultural interpretations of the seductive space boob
[edit] Romans
The romans considered the seductive space boob to be the god Athena, god of tits. They worshiped the space boob, and it enjoyed visiting them. The alliance ended when the Romans invented hyperdrinking, and their empire fell apart.
[edit] American
The American considered the space boob to be a threat to national security, and treated it accordingly. Missiles are shot, but it amounts to nothing. The space boob leaves after a 4 hour hooking session with Hillary Clinton, which was key in getting Bill to stay with her.
[edit] Aztec
The Aztec civilization was based on the space boob, who made their calendars shaped like it. The seductive space boob had no particular interest in them, and taught the Spanish how to make boats that do no leak, which pretty much screwed the aztecs.
[edit] Highlights from Diary of a space boob
[edit] March 19, 423
I am created. Zeus tries to use me as a sex toy, but I poison him. Returns later and says please. Give him limited powers so he does not create a companion or body for me. What a dick.
[edit] March 20, 423
Emperor of the world, Chuck Norris takes me home with him. Feeds me chocolate chip cookies. I steal his foot of plus nine roundhouse kicking.
[edit] October 14, 1942
Nazi Grues break into my house. I accidentally squash them.
[edit] March 16, 2003
600 people lick me toady. I poison the ugly ones.
[edit] March 23, 2004
Microsoft "buys" me. I attempt to absorb 3 of their executives into my consciousness. Their evil souls burned my existence I am now half-dead.
[edit] January 16, 2005
I got a date with Ctulhu. Accidentally squish him at the movies.
[edit] April 19, 2006
Some top secret US officials try to blow me up with nuclear missiles. They agree to stop if I charge give them non-poisonous licks. Damn nerds! I use the foot of plus nine roundhouse kicking to kill them.
[edit] January 6, 2007
No be jump in the elevator. It's gonna be stop.
[edit] Variations on the seductive space boob
The seductive space boob has had many imitations:
- Cheap plastic Chinese version
- Mint Flavored version
- The one that killed Kennedy. See Conspiracies section.
- Poison Russian boob
- Fat Americans (they originated as space boobs with human features, but later lost a bit of roundness)
[edit] Conspiracies
The Seductive space boob's evil twin, the malformed one, got into an argument with the great space pussy and as a result Chuck Norris was formed. And Kennedy was assassinated in the process. Peace & Love.
[edit] See also
 | This article is likely to be sucked by a grue. I suggest you run like hell or cast frotz before it sucks you too. |
| Planets |
|---|
| Confirmed (Solar System): Freddy Mercury / Mercury | Venus | Luton | Earth/Lyons/iEarth/World | Disney World | Planet Hollywood | Mars | Planet Google | Globe | Jupiter | Saturn | Uranus / Youranus | Neptune | Magrathea | Pluto (planet) |
| Confirmed (Exosolar): An T'ark-Ti'kah | Uncyclopedia | Discworld |
| Dwarf planets: Ceres | Pluto | 2003 UB313 | |
| Unconfirmed: Garnox | Mantoobia | Unicron | Boob |
| Denied by CIA: Urth | Irk | Krypton | Michigan |
| In a galaxy far, far away: |
| Members of the Federation: Vulcan | Earth | Qo'noS | xxEarth Cxx |
| Loner Planets: Planet A | Planet AAA! | Wisconsin |
