Semicolon Cancer
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“Semicolon Cancer is Bad, Bob Dole got it once. Bob dole got his semiprostate checked though, and Bob Dole's Doctor found Bob Dole's semicolon cancer before Bob Dole's Semicolon got bad.”
~ Bob Dole on Semicolon Cancer
“If your family has a history of NUTSACK CANCER, you should get your semicolon checked at least once every 4 months, because dick juice can spread very fast.”
~ My Family Doctor on Semicolon Cancer
“I'm sorry to break this to you, Mr. Dole, but you have Semicolon cancer. But Wait! Some good has come of it! I just saved fifteen percent on car insurance by switching to Geico!”
~ Geico Gecko on Semicolon Cancer
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[edit] Semicolon Cancer
Semicolon cancer is a dangerous cancer, often overlooked by doctors. Sometimes it is passed off as just regular Colon Cancer, or sometimes it's mistaken for a really bad case of gas. This is very deadly, though, because if left untreated, Semicolon Cancer can cause extreme bloatage of your semicolon, and is known to cause Bleeding of the Comma, Exploding Periods, or even worse,
[edit] How to Self-Check for Semicolon Cancer
The following are some of the most common symptoms of Semicolon Cancer:
- Loss of Appetite
- Bleeding of the Comma, or the Comma region
- Exploding Periods
- Swollen Semicolon
- Random and unprovoked ejaculation
If you are expiriencing more than one of the following, contact your doctor and scedule an appointment immediately!
[edit] What You Should do if You Aren't Experiencing any of the above Symptoms but Still Think you have Semicolon Cancer
You can go to an experienced Semicolon professional and get an X-ray (as my family doctor has said so many times). Too bad my doctor isn't and experienced Semicolon professional (he claims he is, but trust me, do not believe him, no seriously don't).
“In order to test for Semicolon Cancer, I suggest you find a professional who knows what he is doing. If you do not know anyone with experience in semicolons, however, here is my suggestion to you. Grab a large Q-tip, and rub the inside of your Semicolon. If it comes out red, or cannot fit in your semicolon at all, I suggest you find an experienced Semicolon Professional (like me) to check it out immediately.”
~ My Doctor on Semicolon Cancer
If you follow that, and get yourself checked regularly, you shouldn't ever have a problem with your semicolon.
[edit] Things You Should Not Do if you have Semicolon Cancer
If you do, however, develop a problem with your semicolon, these are the things you should not do.
- Try to perform Self Surgery
- Light your semicolon on fire
- Make penis jokes in an attempt to cheer it up
- Ask it politely to leave
- Ask it rudely to leave
- Bribe it
- Complain
All of those things will Irritate your Semicolon Cancer, in which it will give off an Odorous Green Gas, sometimes known as SemiFlatulation, or a Demifart.
[edit] Known Causes of Semicolon Cancer
There are numerous things that can cause Semicolon Cancer, but since the list is so long that we had to shorten it to the top five. If you wanted a longer list, then see Everything.
2. Corn Husking
3. Political Debates
4. School
5. Having a history of Semicolon problems in your Family.
[edit] Famous People Who have had Semicolon Cancer
- Bob Dole
- Bill Clinton
- God
- Ted Turner
- Jesus
- Adam (one of the two earliest known cases of Semicolon Cancer)
- Eve (the other earliest known case of Semicolon Cancer)
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