Seven Wonders of the World

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The group dirty dancing in their first album cover, à la The Smiths

“The best New Age sound since the Bronze Age”

~ Oscar Wilde

Seven Wonders of the World (Greek: Επτά θαύματα του αρχαίου κόσμου) is the primordial boy-band and the first one hit wonder group, formed by Archimedes, Aristotle, Heraclitus, Plato, Democritus, Pythagoras; and Thrasyllus of Mendes, also known to be first likable foreign boy-band member. They are widely known as the pioneers of the genre in Ancient Greece, following Egypt's Egyptian Walkers. Their 124 BC release from Thebes Records, Oh, Eureka, enjoyed enormous success in the charts. The records show that all members moved to the Acropolis, into a temple (ancient word for crib) with a vomitarium and a Roman bath. All day they had orgies in their courtyards, smoked opium and continuously praised the Lesser-God of Crappy Melodies, Lionel Richie.

The band's success flabbergasted many authorities like Apollo and Pan, though the latter was amused. They went on a world tour and played in international concerts to barbaric tribes, where the Mosh was invented. Their hit song from the album, "Olive Trees Forever", for a time, became like a national anthem in Greece and resulted in an interest by Rome for the Hellenistic Culture.

After a hapless declaration by Plato, saying that they are "bigger than Zeus and certainly hotter than that bearded fellow Moses", the band faced some blasphemic difficulties. A visit to the Temple of Zeus proved unsuccessful and their contract with Thebes was shortly canceled by the company. As of 100 BC, they were working on a reunion single called "We Seven Kings of Athens Are" but after Archimedes was found drowned in his bathtub, the project had to be dropped. This traditional rhyme became the famous We Three Kings of Orient Are, after Michael Jackson sold the rights to the song to the first Christian pop band ever, Three Kings.