Sexism

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Sexism is the widespread (and incorrect) bias that women are inferior to men in a wide spectrum of ways.

1 In the Beginning

[edit] In the Beginning

Sexism first started when Adam was walking through the Garden of Eden and in him grew a great hungering for bacon. So he called out to Eve:

"Eve!"

And after a moment, the response came rolling back from over the hill.

"What?"

Adam stated his need for bacon in his "Urgent voice" expecting the proper and subservient reply but instead he received something different, something that we now call "Sass". Eve had responded by making some lame excuse that she was "Busy" and that she just couldn't do it. Then she apologized and suggested that maybe Adam ( a man) could maybe "Get it for himself."

[edit] Pre-Sexism (Creation→)

Actual video footage of God at the smiting of Mother Mary

Before the invention of Sexism, males and females were equal, since they both had Phalluses, and reproduced either via the biological method of intercourse known as Sicksteenyne, or by Asexual methods. As well as this, all television channels were unprejudiced, and used no stereotypes.

[edit] The Birth of Sexism

Sexism was created in 1BC (or -1AD as Scientologists prefer to call it) by the Mother Mary, upon hearing the news that she would only give birth to the Lord, and not the Lordess. She was quoted as saying "God, you are a chauvinistic pig, and shall go to hell". God promptly crushed her under 1,000,000 Pagans (causing the birth of the Lord), due to breaking the 19th commandment; "Thoust shan't condemn me to the fiery depths of Hell". This is known as Original Sin .

[edit] The Desolate Years (Approximately 0 → 1941)

Sexism was very quickly buried by the Islamic winds, for over 1,000,000,000 years, during which the First world wars, version 0.1a, 0.1b, 0.2b, 0.5b, b and final release 1.1 happened. Sexism was rediscovered by Harrison Ford (References on the discovery can be found in his Sociological documentary, 'Raiders of the Lost Ark') during the Second World War. This new-found weapon of mass-destruction was shortly captured by Hitler's infamous AA men, and were returned to Eastern Germany for testing.

[edit] The 40's Period

Sexism was then used by Hitler to cause the English and Americans to beat their wives. Luckily, the effects were delayed by 50 years, giving an opportunity for the Americans to strike the critical blow using their secret weapon, Chuck Norris, and winning the war. Unfortunately Sexism took its toll on all Allied forces involved in the war, and resulted in the final downfall of the now-wartime-hero (See Fig. 1).

Fig. 1 -- Chuck Norris teaches one impetuous woman an important lesson about driving: Don't.

The American government, and the communist-run Sealand brought about the combined CN1337 act in 1947, which resulted in the alien abduction of more than 50,100 Sexists, throughout the west.

[edit] The Post-40's Period

Shortly after the extermination of all involved in the less-widely-known 'Feminist' epidemic of the 60's, radical groups came together to try to stomp out Sexism. Chuck Norris, by this time a recovered sexist, promptly signed up. Other members included Bono of U2, Mothra, Krusty the Clown and Jerry Jackson. The group shortly gained the name of the 'Penigina team', and spread their message across 29 continents. They only ran across small factions of resistance in Ganymede and Deimos, taking the form of a collection of members from the 'MenRBetaThanU' Men's rights group. They managed to spread their equal-sex message across the universe, until they eventually reached the edge, where they fell off and died. The teachings of this group were luckily recorded, and published under the name 'The New Testament 0'. It was the prequel to the obscure Autobiography, 'The New Testament' which was written by Ultra Jesus under several Ghost Writer aliases.

[edit] The -∞BC → ∞AD Period

All Sexism got banished to a parallel dimension where only one gender exists, causing a negative feedback anomaly, and resulting in the 79th Dimension catastrophe. God brought Mother Mary back to life, and apologised for being so prejudiced, and removed her Virginity, causing another anomaly and resulting in the destruction of the universe, again.