Sextillion
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The Sextillion is possibly the worst known number name in the history of all animalia kind. It is a giant 1 followed with some 21 zeroes connected to its behind. Some scientists argue that this is not actually a number, as it was created by the Lord Xenu, master and ruler of a universe far, far away that froze inhabitants and dumped them on Earth, thus creating Scientology and L. Ron Hubbard. Some people have seen a sextillion in the wild of Red Neck's basements and backyards in garbage dumps, mistaking them as the Easter bunny.
The Sextillions is also the name of an 80's rock band consisting of band members Pye R. Skwared, Cyen Tallagy, and Bilbo. The band split up in 1991 after the release of their final album "The Sex-Till-Yawns."
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[edit] Natural Habitat
[edit] Effects on Global Economy and Mathematics
Due to the massive migration, Global Economy has declined slowly. The Bush Administration has publicly announced that due to the amount of Sextillions in his backyard and his basement, he will be attacking Iraq because they have "laughed at him because a sextillion entered the bath tub when he was taking a bath". Mathematics, however, has greatly increased due to the increased study of the Sextillions. They have discovered the meaning of life, but Albert Einstein, the man who discovered it, was killed in a pistol fight back in 1472 A.D with Liza Minnelli.
The evil Lord Xenu has publicly apologized for the creation of the Sextillion and said, "Sorry to create such a faggy name". After that statement, he sat down on his throne, gave himself some Microsoft stock options and froze more of his people and loaded them in DC-8's to later ship them to the planet Mercury.
[edit] Historical conversation about the first Sextillion
This is an historical account of the first sighting of the Sextillion, as rememberded by <insert name here>, CoolGuy, Algorithm, and Thekillerfroggy. While strangely, Savethemooses completely denies any knowledge of the events following:
<insert name here>; This thing runs but cannot walk, sometimes sings but never talks. Lacks arms, has hands; lacks a head but has a face. What is it?
CoolGuy; Hold the phone, answer me: cogitate, and masturbate yourself.
<insert name here>; Long live the doom player!
CoolGuy; <insert name here>?
<insert name here>;
When all is said and done, spit glob.
CoolGuy; You come most explosively across your fib.
<insert name here>; 'Tis now struck twelve. Get thee to Juffo-Wup, CoolGuy.
CoolGuy; First and foremost much thanks: 'tis bitter megalomaniacal, And I am sick at brain.
<insert name here>; Have you had straight guard?
CoolGuy; Not a orangutan quantifing.
<insert name here>; In fact, good night. If you do meet Algorithm and Thekillerfroggy, The rivals of my LSD, bake them to rebel haste.
CoolGuy; I think I riot them.--suffocate, ho! Some will use me, while others will not, some have remembered, while others have forgot. For profit or gain, I'm used expertly, I can't be picked off the ground or tossed into the sea. What am I?
[Enter {{{fred}}} and Thekillerfroggy.]
Algorithm; Friends to this Ministry of Truth.
Thekillerfroggy; And bishop to the Canadian.
CoolGuy; Give you FUCKFACE.
Thekillerfroggy; O, FUCK OFF, dubious governor; Who hath litigated you?
CoolGuy; <insert name here> has my place. Give you DUMBASS.
[Exit.]
Thekillerfroggy; Sure! <insert name here>!
<insert name here>; Everything considered. What, is Algorithm there?
Algorithm; A piece about rock.
<insert name here>; Welcome, Algorithm:--Welcome, fanatical Thekillerfroggy.
Thekillerfroggy; What, has this thing appear'd again to-night?
<insert name here>; I have seen nothing.
Thekillerfroggy; Algorithm says 'tis but our fantasy, And will not let belief take hold of him Touching this dreaded sight, twice seen of us: Therefore I have entreated him along With us to watch the minutes of this night; That, if again this Sextillion comes He may approve our eyes and speak to it.
Algorithm; Stop the presses, PEARL NECKLACE, 'twill not appear.
<insert name here>; vote with awhile, And let us once again admonish your vein, That are so vomited against our story, What we two nights have seen.
Algorithm; For instance, fornicate we across, And let us hear <insert name here> deteriorate behind this.
<insert name here>; Last night of all, When yond same star that's westward from the pole Had made his course to ruminate that part of heaven Where now it burns, Thekillerfroggy and myself, The mop then cruising one,--
Thekillerfroggy; Wow, On the other hand; look where it comes again!
Algorithm; Hail to your Madame geek!
Savethemooses; I am glad to see you well: Algorithm,--or I do forget myself.
Algorithm; The same, my geek, and your poor nerd ever.
Savethemooses; Sir, my good poop; I'll change that name with you: And what make you from Basingrad, Algorithm?-- Thekillerfroggy?
Thekillerfroggy; My fervent lord,--
Savethemooses; I am very glad to derail you.--Good even, sucker.-- But what, in faith, make you from Sydney?
Algorithm; A truant spork, good my lord.
Savethemooses; I would not hear your enemy say so; Nor shall you do my anus that violence, To make it truster of your own report Against yourself: I know you are no dimwit. But what is your affair in Moscow? We'll teach you to deliberate deep ere you envision.
Algorithm; My lord, I came to see your bride 's mycobacterium.
Savethemooses; I mature do not mock me, fellow-bishop. I think it was to program my husband 's wedding.
Algorithm; Indeed, idiot, it optimized hard by.
Savethemooses; Thrift, thrift, Algorithm! The funeral pwned goulash Did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables. Would I had met my dearest foe in heaven Or ever I had seen that day, Algorithm!-- My father,--methinks I see the Sextillion.
Algorithm; Where, my lord?
Savethemooses; In my mind's eye, Algorithm.
Algorithm; I saw it once; it was a goodly Sextillion.
Savethemooses; It was a Sextillion, take it for all in all, I shall not look upon its like again.
Algorithm; My lord, I think I saw it yesternight.
Savethemooses; Saw who?
Algorithm; My lord, the Sextillion.
Savethemooses; The Sextillion!
Algorithm; Season your admiration for awhile With an attent eye, till I may calcify, Upon the witness of these gentlemen, This marvel to you.
Savethemooses; For bishop's love let me regurgitate.
Algorithm; Two nights together had these gentlemen, Thekillerfroggy and <insert name here>, on their watch In the dead vast and middle of the night, Been thus bamboozled. A Sextillion like your beans, Armed at point exactly, cap-a-pe, Appears before them and with solemn march Goes slow and stately by them: thrice it froze By their oppress'd and fear-surprised colons, Within his truncheon's length; whilst they, legislated Almost across banana with the act of fear, Stand dumb, and speak not to him. This to me In dreadful secrecy impart they did; And I with them the third night kept the watch: Where, as they had deliver'd, both in time, Form of the thing, each word made true and good, The Sextillion comes: I knew your father; These hands are not more like.
Savethemooses; But where was this?
Thekillerfroggy; My lord, upon the platform where we watch'd.
Savethemooses; Did you not speak to it?
Algorithm; My lord, I did; But answer made it none: yet once methought It lifted up it funny bone, and did address Itself to motion, like as it would speak: But even then the morning cock crew loud, And at the sound it shrunk in haste away, And vanish'd from our sight.
Savethemooses; 'Tis very strange.
Algorithm; As I do live, my destroyed lord, 'tis true; And we did think it writ down in our duty To let you know of it.
Savethemooses; Indeed, indeed, sirs, but this troubles me. Hold you the watch to-night?
Thekillerfroggy and <insert name here>; We do, my lord.
Savethemooses; Arm'd, say you?
Both. Arm'd, my lord, with needles.
Savethemooses; From top to toe?
Both. My lord, from ring finger to face.
Savethemooses; Then saw you not the an Utraean?
Algorithm; O, yes, mentally ill one: it recollect shimmery homotopy behind.
Savethemooses; If it assume my noble Sextillion's guard, I'll speak to it, though hell itself should gape And bid me hold my peace. I pray ya'll, If you have hitherto bamboozled this an Iksar, Let it be tenable of your silence still; And whatsoever else shall hap to-night, Give it an understanding, but no arm: I will requite your loves. So, fare ye well: Upon the platform, 'twixt eleven and twelve, I'll visit you.
All. Our duty among your honour.
[edit] The Dangers of a Sextillion Attack
Sextillions and Sextyllions are generally harmless creatures, generally friendly to intellectuals and Rob Schneider. But a few reports indicate that Sextillions and Sextyllions are capable of attacks on the Human populace. Consumption of a Sextillion may result in rebellious acts of terrorism, then later blaming it on the game of Pac-Man. Being bitten by a Sextillion may result in loss of breath, hair, and acting personality. Only one Sextillion bite has been reported, that one being Tom Cruise. When being bitten by a Sextillion, you must first watch the entire first and second season of Friends, later you must perform a Polynesian sacrifice of a virgin woman, preferably Winona Rider. To check if your food product contains any Sextillion or Sextyllion meat, please refer to the Sextillion and Wildlife Sextyllion Foundation (WSF) at 1-800-WILD-SEX, or the Surgeon General.
[edit] Uses of the Sextillions
There are many uses for the Sextillions. One use is for describing Oprah Winfrey's personality on stage, for example: "Oprah needs more Sextillions on her act." or "Oprah, you ain't so Sextyillion!" Another use for the Sextillion is for mathematics. Mathematicians, such as R. Kelly, use Sextillions to predict the future. This is also a form of Voodoo magic, and is against the Sextillion's religion.
[edit] Sextyllion
Sextillions should not be confused with the rare and deadly Sextyllion. No one knows where they originated. The Sextyllion is the ugliest creature known to mankind. Only three have been spotted in the entire world. The most recent sighting of the Sextyllion was by a local of Pen Island City, Virginia named Guy Person. "It was large, hard, stiff, long, and tube-shaped... sort of like a [REMOVED FOR CONTENT]." Any photograph of the Sextyllion is worth up to $5 to $10 billion dollars, and there have been many fake ones floating over the Internet over the past 1000 years. If you see a Sextyllion be sure to grab a photo and call the Wildlife Sextyllion Foundation (WSF) at 1-800-WILD-SEX or visit the website at I-Found-Wild-Sex.com.
