Sexual orientation
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Sexual orientation is a popular form of orienteering that requires players to navigate through the bush using only a map, compass, and the full moon.
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[edit] Rules
- One or more players may participate at a given time. More than four can result in complications, hurt feelings, or lack of slots on the roster.
- Lost players may be guided back on course by shouting "Higher," "Lower," "Harder," "Deeper," or "No, not there! There!"
- Players may choose any team they wish, or may "switch hit" as needs arise.
- Refusal to use protective equipment may result in penalties, including nine months in the box.
- A match lasts until the last player drops out.
[edit] A Typical Match
The match starts with opposing teams lined up, face to face, across a large room (see Elementary School Dance.) As soon as someone shouts, "I'm soooooo drunk!", play begins.
Teams proceed into the course itself. At this point, it is inadvisable to jump straight into the bush for the quick score. Rather, one should survey the land of the lay. This strategy is called foreplay.
After much fumbling around in the dark, players locate the flags required for scoring. The flags are hidden in areas called G spots. Pay careful attention to the location of these--experienced players are known and gossiped about for their success in hunting these down.
Once enough G Spots have been touched, the match enters a phase known as the Hot and Heavy round. Smart players will ensure they are properly hydrated before continuing at this point, as one can get quite thirsty.
Although not strictly required, it is consider good form for both teams to finish the course at the same time. Premature completion of the match is grounds for disaqualification from future matches.
