Sexy
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Sexy is an adjective meaning that you have sex appeal or are attractive to the opposite sex. Of course if somebody said this applies to you, we all know this is a lie, as you fell from the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down when you were a baby. Geez, even the phrase “A face only a mother could love” didn’t apply here. Anyway, back to sexy.
Contents |
[edit] Examples of things that are sexy
sex is well good
There are many wonderful things in life that are sexy (We’ve already established you are not one of them, so stop asking...), and below is a short list of things which have been coined “sexy”.
[edit] Your mom
Now this poses a problem. To me my mom is not sexy (Unless you're from the South, in which case the whole mom = sexy goddess thing is turned right on its head!), but to you she may very well be. Likewise, your mom is not sexy to you. So, not every mom is sexy to everyone, and simply saying “your mom” is not adequate. Even so, on the whole, your mom is sexy, just not to you. Your mom is to me, but my own mom is not. In any case I bet you now have a horrid mental picture of your mom naked or something. At least it’s not as bad as a mental picture of your parents doing it “discovery-channel” style. So yeah, whatever you do don’t think of your parents doing it! It’s just wrong (Unless, again, you’re from the South)! You sicko! Thinking of your parents… Ahh, my work here is done...
[edit] Europeans
Let’s face it, Europeans are the flavour of the month and the month is sexy! They’re hairy, smelly, the strong-but-silent type and speak a different language; heck, thinking about it so are wookies! And wookies are just not sexy unless you like the hairy, smelly and strong-but-silent type... An exception to the rule is obviously the English. Nobody likes the English anyway, but they had to go and top themselves by adding all that red, frizzy hair and the pasty, white skin! Honestly, it would have been enough just stopping at the alcohol abuse and lisp!
[edit] Microwaves
So alluring is the microwave and its sexy grip. You can look at it from a distance, gazing at its warm, sexy rays, but get too close and you’ll develop brain cancer. Such a tease... Let’s face it, microwaves are the new vibrators.
[edit] This Guy
[edit] How to be sexy
There is no hope for you. You are doomed to a solitary existence looking at the inside of a cold paper bag that reflects the cold, cruel outside world that shunned you long ago. Maybe next time little fella... But for those of you that are not you, you may have a chance for the opposite sex to indeed coin you as "sexy"!
[edit] Sniff fingers
Nothing says sexy as hell on a first date better than the occasional finger sniff. Scratching your ass and then sniffing your fingers is an even bigger turn on to most women and scientists view this practice as an aphrodisiac. Scratching someone else’s ass and then sniffing your fingers is a big social taboo, so refrain from doing so until at least the third date or marriage.
mj
[edit] Long loving stares
Nothing says "I’m sexy" like long, loving stares. Yes, the opposite will be unable to move from your gaze (Either because of love, or the fact they think you’re a raving lunatic and are about to rape them...), and will coin you “sexy”. Growl! Don’t blink, just stare.
[edit] Spray on pheromones
Ah yes, the smell of love is in the air, and you, you sexy beast, are its cause. Literally! All you need is a can of spray-on female pheromone, and hey! Presto! Girls will be flocking to you like flies to shit, erm, decaying meat, erm flowers... Yes flies to flowers! Spray-on pheromones are sold from all leading sex shops, but if you’re really really desperate for a date, you can always substitute for a can of spray-on raccoon pheromone from all leading hunting stores.
[edit] Sexy people
- Brad Pitt
- Your mom
- George W. Bush - Voted #1 sexiest man in Time magazine
- Kermit the Frog - I feel like frog legs now!
- Mr. Raccoon - You filthy, filthy bastard...
- Carmen Electra - That's a given.
- The Admins - How could they not be cool and sexy!
- Dawn
- JP Losman
- Bill Clinton
- Hillary Clinton - See the YouTube video
- Me
[edit] Not so sexy people
- The 1st lady - Honestly, how did she ever end up with a horn-dog like him???
- That guy which people say is not very sexy behind his back
- Abe Lincoln's mole
- Jack Thompson
- Black People
[edit] Sexy phrases
We all know them, either by saying them or receiving them. Yes, you know I’m talking about sexy nothings which turn on the opposite sex, or whoever you’re trying to woo (Step away from the raccoon you sick pervert!!). Here are just a few to get those juices flowing and the girls pining for your 3 wood...
- "I love thou rainbow animule. Let's go have a racoon."
- ”Let's play army - I lay down and you blow the hell outa me.”
- ”I hear you like CSI; would you like to sample my DNA?”
- ”Squeal reek awrk squeek grrrl...” Translated as “None of my other raccoon lovers have ever gone unsatisfied...”
- ”I think you smell really nice.”
- ”It’s so tiresome being so sexy. You know I honestly have to breathe sexily, eat sexily even sleep sexily! It really is a curse sometimes...”
- ”Why do people continually ask me if I’m happy to see them?”
- "I'm a furry, and I was wondering..."
