Shawne Merriman

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“The worst human being in the universe.”

~ Mewtwo on Shawne Merriman

Shawne Merriman is an NFL football linebacker for the San Diego Chargers. Merriman uses his extremely suspicious physical talents (more on that later) to sack quarterbacks and tackle ball carriers with ferocious intensity. He was drafted by San Diego out of the University of Maryland with the 12th overall pick in the 2005 draft. His hobbies include bowling, video games, ^[1] and injecting his ass with enough steroids to kill an elephant.^[2] Below is a graph comparing the testosterone levels of various individuals relative to Merriman according to the results of his positive steroid test:

Rank	Individual	Testerone levels (per millileter)
1	Shawne Merriman	4296.4
2	Large Bull	1001.1
3	Tony Soprano	841.1
4	Mike Tyson	652.9
5	Average frat boy during Mardi Gras	541.9
6	Caveman (Cro-Magnon era)	429.8
7	Ellen Degenerous	301.2
8	Average Adult Male	204.7

After Merriman tested positive for steroids he claimed to have gotten them from a supplement he was taking at the time. He explains, "I definitely got steroids from a supplement I was taking or else off a door handle or maybe a toilet seat." Unfortunately some of the public bought his explanation which really pisses me off because it didn't work for me when I told my girlfriend Jodie I got the Clap from a bottle of creatine. Mewtwo is known to hate him.