Shepherd's Chapel
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“I'm so glad we are able to present yet another format for bringing our unique verse by verse, chapter by chapter, book by book teaching of the Holy Bible so that Pleiadians from outer space can infest you all with mind-numbing parasites.”
~ A Welcome from Arnold Murray
“That is one crazy mo'fo!”
~ Jim Jones on Arnold Murray
Arnold Francis Murray (born in 1929 in Oklahoma) is a Christian Walk-in and celebrated scholar on Jewish history, most well-known for his simple, yet scholared style of Pleiadian Bible teaching. In this model of teaching, first pioneered by Dr. E.W. Bullinger (See Josephus and his commentary on Arnold Murray), Bible verses are read back to back (chapter by chapter and verse by verse), interspersed with helpful comments about the continuous evils of communist Russia, the dangers of installing revolving doors at church entrances, the unseen dangers of chips falling where they should (mostly on people trying to exit through a revolving church door and ministers named 'Charlie'), and reasons why white Caucasians are God's chosen people and should euthanize other races for mixing in with the fallen angels. Murray also often makes reference to Satan's child, an entity born of a three-way sexual encounter between Satan, Adam, and Eve, involving several apples and a single, overripe banana, and portrayed in several 1980's made for TV movies. (See Serpent Seed Theory, starring Erik Estrada.)
Currently, Arnold Murray is the pastor of the Shepherd's Chapel church, in Gravette, Arkansas. Like all churches, the Shepherd's Chapel was started by space aliens in an attempt to control mankind. Murray himself is a Pleadian, and has identified his aims as breaking the backbone of communism, a task accomplished several years before he was born. However, with the destruction of the Heaven's Gate ship in early 1990, Murray was unable to return home and has been stranded in northern Arkansas since. A previous ship which was meant to take all humans first in 1985 failed to appear. Murray has not commented since on the incident, but many at the time believed this was caused by a failed experiment on the part of the Greys involving MK-Ultra mind manipulation and enemas.
Shepherd Chapel programming is carried by a satellite of unknown origin to several stations across North America. In order to better protect Russian Christians drilling holes in the ice of Siberia to conduct baptism and thus be taken by the Plaedians in a rapture that will never happen from the continued goals of communists, these programs are often broadcast late at night or early in the morning. Broadcasts are made from a very simple studio: an unadorned blue curtain behind Murray hides the pathway to the inner sanctum and Lord Xenu, while Murray himself preaches from a desk topped only by plastic flowers, a petrified bald eagle from the first earth age, an American Flag which Murray mistakenly believes is from the 'American occupation of Jerusalem' (an event which never took place), and a 9mm handgun loaded with silver bullets for Jehovah's Witnesses.
Shepherd's Chapel programming consists of 30 minutes of teaching, followed by 30 minutes of answering randomly repetitive questions from the 1980's. Murray still insists on answering all questions, which has resulted in a backlog of over 30 years worth of prayer requests. Many of the people involved in these prayer requests have since died and/or given up and worshipped the Anti-Christ. Despite these difficulties, Murray continues on, often with the help of his 50-year old sons, David and Dennis, whom he has refused to allow to marry until all questions have been answered.
“The fact remains, though it has seldom been accepted, that the establishment of the millennial temple and the eternal throne of the Christ shall only be accomplished through the defeat of those forces which oppose it...namely, Harry Potter and the communists in northwestern Arkansas.”
~ Dr. E W Bullinger, on Communism
“Forty times the Kenites received from me forty lashes minus one. Three times I beat them with rods, once I stoned them, three times I caused them to become shipwrecked, they spent one night in the open sea, and thus have they been constantly on the move.”
~ Arnold Murray, on his hunt for the Kenites
[edit] History
Born in the Pleiades star system on a small planet named Oklahoma (not to be confused with the US state also named 'Oklahoma'), Arnold Murray inhabited the body of a young man from Gravette, Arkansas, underwent US Marine Corps training, and single-handedly defeated the communist forces in southern Korea, near the Panama Canal. Though Murray refuses to give the details of this battle, it is theorized by many that he accomplished this feat by making use of his Limit Break, in which he breaks the backbone of communists. He then infiltrated the ranks of the Jewish Illuminati, single-handedly translated all Hebrew words ever written, and wrote a fanfic of his adventures which was later serialized in the Commando Cody movie screen adventures. It was also during this time that he defeated the 'Soldiers of the Cross', a front for an offshoot of the Knights Templar which continually seek to hide the truth of alien abductions. Thereafter, he stole the magical orb which was the one true source of their power, class-changed into a cleric, and began to preach.
Arnold Murray has two sons, Dennis and David. Both assist him in teaching. His wife, Anna, was killed in Golbez's attack on his residence at Damcyan. Murray reportedly escaped in a minigame using his hovercraft.
In 1978, Murray completed his version of the Bible, called "The Pleiadians' Full Guide to Indoctrinating Humans", or the 'PFG' version. The process detailed consisted of a 'good cop, bad cop' routine in which the humans were first locked into a televangelist's studio, while revolving doors barred any attempted egress. After several hours of sermons concerning finances, the penniless Christians would then be miraculously 'rescued' by Murray, the lone prophet of the Last Days, who anointed them with a Pleiadian mind-numbing creme cleverly disguised as olive oil during baptism. The reprogrammed humans would then become willing, loyal followers of Arnold Murray and the Pleiadians. Unfortunately, this process had an adverse effect on the subject's speech patterns, rendering them remarkably similar to uneducated yokels living in Arkansas at that time. However, this implant also allowed all subjects to share thoughts with Murray directly. (At times, subjects may even repeat nonsensical phrases which are favored by Murray.)
Arnold Murray holds a doctorate, but is unable to produce any evidence of this degree. This is because the doctorate was gained on Oklahoma, his home planet, and not by the youth whose body he now inhabits.
[edit] Preaching Style
Murray uses the Pleiadian style of preaching, using the notes of his fellow Pleiadians, including E. Raymond Capt, E.W. Bullinger, Dr. Moffat, and Morgan Freeman.
Reportedly, there is much camaraderie between the members of the group, although Dr. Capt had, in the past, voiced some rather severe objections to Mr. Freeman's decisions as UN Secretary General. It is unknown whether Dr. Capt's demise at the hand of 144,000 emperor penguins was in any way connected to Mr. Freeman.
Murray himself makes a point of not mentioning the names of other preachers while broadcasting, choosing instead to use his military experience to destroy them in various battle techniques.
Murray's son Dennis often takes his father's place on the daily broadcast, often when his father is on a documentary or battling communists. Dennis Murray teaches by falling into a hypnotic state and channeling the wisdom of Lord Xenu, during which time he speaks in a monotonous, robotic voice.
[edit] Controversy
Murray has, from an early point in his ministry, made a point of not starting controversy, or as he terms it, "stirring trouble with a big stick". He has received numerous awards from the African-American community and other minority groups for his continual assertion that caucasians alone are the chosen people of God. Reportedly, this has released a lot of stress and tension from said minority groups, who were afraid of having to share in the white man's burden.
Murray has also been thanked by several Jewish organizations for exposing the draconian shape-shifters who attempt to pass themselves off as Jews. He often refers to false Jews as "Kenites", which is a Hebrew word for 'sons of Ken', which is Satan's true name in the Pleiadian cluster. Defeating a Kenite is noted by most scholars as being exceedingly difficult. Upon death, these Jews immediately regain 20 hit points and attack with a renewed frenzy. Though they lose all magical powers they had (summon Satan, featherfall, and Beelzebub's Hand of Crushing,), they are still lethal in hand-to-hand combat. They are also engulfed in a magical green flame, which causes additional damage. After 6 rounds, if they do not lose their hit points, they transform into a ball of green lightning that can strike all targets within a 10ft radius. After 3 more rounds, Kenites pretending to be normal Jews will explode, causing 3d6 damage to targets within a 10ft radius, as well as stunning those targets for 1d4 rounds.
Complicating the matter is the fact that Satan continues to have sexual relationships with lonely Jewish women. Thus, there are several more Kenites than were previously expected.
