Shooting Fish

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

The practise of shooting fish, or "Fish-Blasting", is considered a sport by many people in nations across Eastern Europe, and certain parts of Asia.

1 A Brief History
2 The Sport In Brief
3 Maintaining The Sport
4 The Movie
5 Spin-off Television Series
6 See also

[edit] A Brief History

While no one is entirely certain when the sport was first "created", or by whom, the earliest recorded event was supposed to have taken place near Leninskie Gorki, a small town just outside of Moscow. The significance of this is unknown. Despite the relative anonymity of the sport at this time, competitors in the untitled event apparently came from all parts of the world. The only name of note at the event - apparently held some time around 1857 - was a man named Henry G. Blasdel, who would later go on to be elected the Governer of the State of Nevada.

Other theories to the history of fish shooting comes from legends in the tradition of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (Peace be upon his name), which states that the FSM (PBUHN) creating the sport of fish shooting as means of entertaining guests at dinner parties. As few people have ever been invited to said parties, this claim has never been independently verified.

[edit] The Sport In Brief

There are many variations on the sport, giving it a versatility for fresh interpretations that has helped keep it alive for so long. However, there is a "standard" set of rules, used in most professional competition. Five live fish are placed in a large wooden box, or "game crate", which is promptly filled to the near-brim with water. One man readies his weapon with ten bullets, and must shoot all the fish in the game crate. The aim is to do this faster than your competitors, who will all be attempting to compete the same task.

As holes are made in the sides of the game crate, the water will begin to leak out. This initially makes the game easier, as there is less water for the fish to swim about in. However, if even one fish exits the game crate through these holes, the shooter is disqualified from that round. This gives the game a truly exciting, fast-paced feel, and is the primary reason is continues to delight all players, old or young.

The competitive versions of the sport are played in 3 divisions with caliber requirements within each division.

Heavyweight division consists of a a 50 gallon drum, fish weighing at least 2 pounds, and is usually played with match-grade 50 caliber ammunition. Variations include the use of 30-06. The use of shotguns in amateur competitions is frowned upon, and banned in professional competitions. Similarly, the use any guided/unguided self-propelled munitions such as an RPG-7 is considered extremely bad form.

Medium weight division typically uses a variation of a 5.56 ball round. Professionals prefer to use full-metal jacket high speed rounds as these tend to splinter when impacting water, thus increasing the likelihood of hitting fish.

The pencil weight division focuses on small caliber bullets, the rim-fire .22 long rifle is preferred. Contenders in this division tend to focus on accuracy and uses the reduced recoil of small caliber bullets to the advantage of the player. Subsonic rounds are often used as they are less likely to fragment.

[edit] Maintaining The Sport

Due to the strict animal rights laws passed in many countries, Fish-Blasting has unfortunately suffered a severe decrease in popularity. However, the sport is still played in working class areas of Eastern Europe, and oddly, exclusive only to the elite of many Asian nations. Fittingly, the World Fish-Blasting Society (Мировое Общество Стрельбы Рыбы) has its headquarters in Moscow, where the game is still played regularly, albeit with a fraction of the publicity given to more "mainstream" sports, such as Soccer or Tennis.

[edit] The Movie

Unfortunately, the sport itself wasn't even mentioned in the recent motion picture starring Kate Beckinsale and [Stuart Townsend. This was a shocking blow to the people who had worked so hard to get the pastime into the world's eye, and they publicly expressed their disgust over this, even so much as boycotting the cinemas showing the film.

[edit] Spin-off Television Series

The short lived television series produced for Universal Home Entertainment, first as 2 direct-to-dvd specials (including the pilot, "On a wing and a prayer"), subsequently made its debut after "The Office" on NBC. It survived half a season before being pulled due to low ratings. Though critically acclaimed, the series suffered several setbacks during the writers strike of 2008, during which one of the head writers was eaten by a bus-driving bear and the lead producer suffered several bouts of dementia. Along with a poor lead-in and competition in similar time slots, the series was ultimately shelved after having produced 11 episodes, including 3 that never aired.