Shrewsbury

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Shrewsbury is a town only famous for being the birthplace of Charles Darwin, who wrote the Origin of Species, whilst studying the town's residents. Most shoppers on the town's infamous Pride Hill have experienced his survival of the fittest theory whilst trying to barge past other shoppers in order to enter into one of the identikit high street shops.

This of course, was not the case in Charles Darwin's time, when the town's residents were all monkeys. They have evolved since then,however, into sheep; much to the delight of the local students.

Apparently Shrewsbury is overrun by chavs, but that is not the case. It is actually overrun with students, who, as well as being chavs can go by the name of townies. The sixth form college supplies the town with most of its economy; news that it is likely to move to Radbrook is causing shopkeepers across the town to consider moving with it.

The King of lower Shrewsbury is Neil Marsh. Once a member of the 4 horsemen he progressed to the rank of King in early 2005. He rules over the population with an iron fist and often executes small Chavs and Dirks with blows to the face. His throne is currently under threat from the invading armies of Liley, who have come down from the plains of Crofton enraged by the distinct lack of boozing. They can often be heard attacking in the early hours of the morning accompanied by the cries "find Marsh" and "imagine Ra Ra".

Shrewsbury is also very proud of its education system, which includes Shrewsbury College of Art and Technology (aka SCAT, and got sand in its vagina when a internet site featuring the schools S.C.A.T. culture was created.

[edit] Tourism & Culture

The town is also renowned for its ancient Tudor buildings, most of which are hidden behind shop fronts. However, if you ask at WHSmith, due to some ruling or another that means we are all entitled to see old buildings even if it's a pain for shopkeepers, they'll let you behind the scenes where you can meet one of the town's many ghosts, this one will decompose before your very eyes, also if you walk backwards down the high street three times you see the devil who will greet you with his evil eyes :D

And if it's ghosts and ghouls you want, why not visit Ebenezer Scrooge's grave? Yes, it's the real deal, although it may be hard to find in St. Chad's graveyard due to all the goths and emos hanging about "looking cool" or occasionally you will find them slitting their wrists but .. what ever makes them emotionaly stable then..

[edit] History

Once the capital of Wales know as Amythig all Welsh people were required to bring the sheep to the great sheep fest of 1215, failing to do this all their rock was confiscated until the the great armistice of 1955 when Rhyl paid war reparations of 12,000,000 daffodils to replace Shrewsbury as Capital (since disputed by Cardiff).

As a result of this Welsh people are only allowed into Shrewsbury on foot and singing God Save the Queen. This is known locally as 'watching the Queeny singers'.

Although not officially Capital of Wales, Marks and Spencers is host to the National Welsh Shopping Day (NWSD) every December 10th, known in Wales as EU subsidy day.

[edit] Politics

Shrewsbury currently has a Conservative MP, Daniel Kawczynski, who was previously an unemployed businessman. He rigged the election and is addicted to crack

Largely inactive in parliament, Kawczynski, the UK's tallest MP, once issued a Private Members Bill in the hope of making it constitution that all doors must be 'a minimum of 7 feet from floor to top of frame'. This showed concern for the constituency as Shrewsbury also has the UK's tallest town crier.

Kawczynski recently criticised Uncyclopedia so what did we do? WE put a used condom in his tea and the wanker choked to death. Fucking dictator has sent most of Bayston Hill to death camps where he rapes them (boys only).

Shrewsbury also has a flourishing Green Party, with a whole five members who know bugger all about climate change. However, progress has been made; in their movement to legalise cannabis. Now you can smell Shrewsbury Green from fucking Baschurch.

Bayston Hill is home to only chavs and Chelsea fans.[and not forgetting crazy old women who jump in front of your bike when you ride on the path]

[edit] Sport

Home to Shrewsbury Town Football Club who played fantastic at the Gay Meadow. Very picturesque. The club have now moved to the New Meadow. A great ground in the middle of Shrewsbury with great facilities, right next to Sainsburys.

The Shrewsbury Town football kit made a hollywood film appearance in the classic rock tale Spinal Tap. Derek Smalls wore the famous amber and blue kit whilst being searched at customs and hiding a cucumber in his pants!

[edit] Sites of Interest

Shrewsbury hosts a Variety of Interesting and Exciting Attractions. The Main Site in shrewsbury is the Quarry, a large Natural Amphitheatre were every Saturday Emos are fed to hungry and opressed CSOs desperate to have a go at someone for loitering and being Emoish. It also boasts the worlds largest public urinal (aka The 70 Steps) famous for the Urine smell which at night can be seen from space.

Another Popular attraction is Games Workshop where 30 year old men waste their lives playing with metal figurines (of things that dont even exist in this real world) and telling young children from the age of -8 and a half months how to play a stupidly complicated game which takes longer to make the figures than to actually play.

[edit] Trivia

• Following the constitutional change of 2003 it is illegal to sell red jeans. This, on many levels; is a good thing.
• In Shrewsbury Emos are considered (by people studying Sociology and Film Studies) cool.
• All Shrewsbury people have large feet, large hands, say 'proper job' a lot and are all above 6'1".
• Shrewsbury doesn't appear on any maps printed in Wales, as the Salopians hate the Welsh (ironically).
• Shrewsbury is commonly used as torture on many teenagers in the nearby Telford area, due to it being the focus for some particularly rubbish coursework.
• Nat Blackbourn is legendary across the town.
• Shrewsbury people dont know what cheese is and like getting up early just to walk around the town center.
• People in Shrewsbury pray to the god Orinkorus every morning, to show their thanks that they don't live in telford (a former prison for crazy people)

• Shrewsburians are normally considered posh, but this only applies to those from the Mayfield Drive area. These people are pretentious bastards.