Sicily
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| Motto: "I don't know nothin'" | |||||
| Anthem: "Tengo Na Minchia Tanta" | |||||
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| Capital | Palermo | ||||
| Largest city | New York, actually a protectorate of Sicily | ||||
| Official languages | Sicilian, Italian and Transpiranto | ||||
| Government | Cupola | ||||
| -Eternal King | Don Vito Corleone | ||||
| -President | Bernardo Provenzano | ||||
| -Prime Minister | Silvio Berlusconi | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Joseph Newton | ||||
| Declaration of Independence | 1491 | ||||
| Currency | Sicilian Cannoli (de facto) | ||||
| Religion | Flying Spaghetti Monster | ||||
| Major exports | Mafia movies, Spaghetti, Respect | ||||
| Major imports | nothing, because the local frontiers have been closed | ||||
| Opening hours | on appointment | ||||
“Leave the gun, take the cannoli.”
~ Clemenza on Cannoli
“The Moors were Arabs, you asshole.”
~ Captain Obvious on Sicilians
“Sicily is with the terrorists.”
~ George Dubya Bush on Sicilians
“If you visit Palermo, you probably need bodyguards.”
~ José Mourinho on Palermo, Sicily
“Minchia!”
~ Silvio Berlusconi on Sicily
Sicily, also known as Dominion of Sicily, Democratic Republic of Sicily, Free State of Sticchio, Minchialand and home to the the niggers of Europe, is an independent republic in Europe, which is supposed having been seceded from Italy on 1491, just one year before Christopher Columbus discovered America. Having it been one year later, maybe Columbus would have been discovered Sicily and history would have been completely different, with United States of Sicily at USA's place.
Sicily is not a member of the EU, as it refuses to switch to the Euro currency; in fact, Sicily has no currency at all, and everything is paid with cannoli, a sweet pastry made with ricotta. Therefore, Sicily is now considering to either join the United States, Canada or the African Union of Nations.
When you look at Sicily on whe map, you can that it is getting is ass kicked by Italy, but in somes cases it is not just geographicly, but also in sports and politics.
Contents |
[edit] History
Sicily was founded in 1066 as first Silvio Berlusconi's Italian Miracle; its triangular form was scheduled to represent the good female part best loved by its creator. Sicilians were successively imported from France, Spain and Italy, and then all mixed up.
In 1490, after Berlusconi fell in love with Sardinia, the other major island in the West of the Mediterranean Sea, Sicily found itself into anarchy and then a civil war between a bunch of wise guys named la Cupola and the Northern Italian troops. The former ones won, and the Republic of Sicily was declared in 1491. Sicily has been independent since then, despite attempts by the Italian regime to conquer the island and demolish its fully democratic system.
In 1944 Sicily became the 49th United State, a position it held until 1984, when Ronald Reagan decided that a round number of states would be best. Reagan beat Walter Mondale in the Presidential election that year, because Mondale wanted to annex New Jersey to Italy and keep Sicily. Consequently, all the Mafiosos in Sicily came to New Jersey, up to and including Tony Soprano. Minchia.
In the year 3600 they launched the first ship to Neptune but couldn't find a place for their burrito flag so that's that and they all cried and went home to protest the EU 'cause Norway isn't a country anymore and how are we suppose to make fun of them if they arn't a country and it's all the EU's and that Gearge Bush's fault!
[edit] Alternate history
This section is for CONSPIRACY THEORISTS ONLY! Others who read this might suffer from decapitation disease.
Naples attacked Sicily in 1066, but Sicily totally pwned it, and ended up taking Naples as well, thus beginning the Two Sicilies. After this coital merging, Milan got really jealous and began stalking Naples, which led to intervention by Venice and Rome. However, when Venice found out that Florence had been having an affair with Milan, he totally pwned his ass, and began the Thousand Years' War, which in turn had to be ended by the triple alliance of Bologna, Genoa and Sardinia. Malta didn't want to be left out, and suddenly attacked Naples in the style of Leeroy Jenkins, for no reason at all. Then Sicily grabbed a lupara (shotgun), killed them all, changed its name to Italy and became one nation. Bwah.
[edit] Politics
Sicily is a parliamentary hybrid republic: in fact, an eternal king position is destined to a former president who obtained notable successes in national and worldwide economics and politics, and his goal is to ensure a good future afterlife for all Sicilians; this position is currently filled by Don Vito Corleone. The president is unanimously elected by the Cupola, a group of 10-20 ministers representing the Districts of the Country. Current president is Bernardo Provenzano, currently illegally held by the Italian occupying forces. In 2006, just one day before being captured by the occupiers, Provenzano appointed Silvio Berlusconi as Prime Minister of Sicily. His platform include the building of three bridges connecting Sicily respectively to Calabria (South of Italy), Sardinia, and Tunisia. As President Provenzano is currently unavailable, Berlusconi is the de facto head of state. The next presidential election is scheduled to be held in 2020; however Sicilian "politicians" are currently discussing to anticipate the election, since the global warming might let disappear the whole island underwater before that date.
The Sicilian Assembly is composed by 20 members. Members are elected for life, and replaced once they die. Currently three parties are represented in the Assembly:
- Corleonese Conservatives: 14 MPs;
- Penguin Party: 4 MPs;
- Wise Liberals: 1 MP.
- Disappeared members: 1.
[edit] Tourist information
[edit] Getting in
As an island, Sicily is reachable only by flight and boat. Teleportation has been also considered: the National University of Sicily is considered the best in the world in this field of study.
Since it is not a EU member, non-Sicilians need to have a valid visa in order to enter the country. In order to obtain a visa, you must be either a pretty girl or a man of honour. Italians are usually not eligible for a visa, except in case of special authorization from the cupola.
There are two international airports in Sicily, located in Palermo and Catania. You are also strongly suggested to bring an empty bag for each luggage you bring with you, as circa 50% of luggages are randomly requisited by the Frontier Station. If you are considering to come to Sicily by boat, there are several low-cost private services from Northern Africa; in this case, a visa is usually not required, however they often do not comply with the standard EU security requirements. Notably, the territory of Malta, still claimed by the Sicilian government as "its own province", refuses to deal with African-Sicilian boat services. But Sicily is not part of the EU, you know, so what?
[edit] Getting around
Once you come to Sicily, you are suggested to buy a lupara (shotgun). To bring it with you every time you go out is a way of respect towards local people. Sicilian cities are connected each other by train, bus or donkey, the latter being the most used and affordable one.
[edit] Culture
Sicily is popularly known worldwide for its allegations with the Mafia, which however does not exist. Mafia does not exist, this is the first and last time we're gonna tell you, okay?
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