Silvio Berlusconi

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You had better trust his word, for it would indeed be very unfortunate if anything should happen to you.
If you still go on with your endless, senseless partisan accusations against this article, you are obviously some kind of a ruthless communist judge driven by petty political interests.
Silvio Berlusconi strongly requests you to quit your childish whining for the sake of your family's security.
You wouldn't want anything to happen to them, do you?

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“Did you mean: Mediaset king”

~ Google on Silvio Berlusconi

Silvio "Wallet of God" Berlusconi ("The Knight") was born by immaculate conception in Arcore, Palestine, in the dawn of the modern age to Montgomery C. Burns and Anna Nicole Smith, and was soon blessed by the Holy Ghost. He is also known in Italy as Psycho-Dwarf, Dorian Gray and truffolo ( translates as scam-dwarf ) due to his contained size and his psychopathic obsessed attitude towards height, age and money. He likes getting bombs in his basement's house because he considers them a gift from some mafia mobsters. These bombs never explode, though, or they only explode when Silvio isn't around. And when they explode, he knows they are never set up to kill him, because he's one of Marcello Dell'Utri's best friends.

Silvio after a facelift.

He earned his first bucks as a professional basketball and volleyball player prior to becoming the goalkeeper of AC Milan football club, not to mention his long run as a piano player and singer on cruise ships. Most of his fans insist that he should have sticked to a musical career, supported by the success of his folk composition aired all the time on all major Italian radio stations (which, coincidentally, he owns).

Thanks to the huge amount of money made with his hard work, he created a dozen new TV stations and bought all the existing newspapers; since he was already the richest man in Italy he didn't buy all these to become richer, but to inform the Italian population about the angry mutant alien communists and their weird evil theory, called freedom of speech.

During a speech at the end of November 2006, many people claim he died and resurrected.

1 Political life
2 EU Presidency
3 Miracles
4 International Politics
5 Mottos
6 External links
7 Actual Quotes
8 Appendix: People and countries Berlusconi has alienated or enraged, or both

[edit] Political life

Silvio Berlusconi entered politics to save HIS country (he owns it) from the mutant alien communists from outer space, the proof that this is true is that there is no current communist tyranny ongoing in Italy. He joined the Jewish National Socialist Party of Italy. He doesn't like power, money and the like since he thinks he should have retired since long and sit all day long in a park bench feeding pigeons and the poor with crumbs. Silvio Berlusconi, after winning against communist enemy Walter Veltroni is actually AGAIN Italy's Prime Minister with his friends from Lega Nord, famous for their erections.

Silvio Berlusconi has very selective criteria he uses to choose his ministers. Reported from a judiciary wiretapping, current minister and former Mediaset showgirl Mara Carfagna recently had to remind Don Silvio of these standards: "Silvio, you must not nominate minister this guy, because he touched my ass and my ass belongs to you and you alone!".

[edit] EU Presidency

He had to take the cumbersome role of president of the EU for a while to protect Italy from kapos and other extraterrestrial menaces to the nation. Stuck in an environment that soon proved to be too serious for him, he quickly became popular in the European political environment for his well measured comebacks and polite, intelligent jokes.

[edit] Miracles

Besides the well-known "Miracolo Italiano" (Italian Miracle), the God-blessing benevolence can be seen also in the quantity of hair that every day grow on the head of his holiness Mister Citizen Berlusconi. One hair for devil. Skeptics and bloodthirsty baby-eating communists claim that he instead robbed Pinocchio of his hair and had it transplanted to his own head, after gangraping him together with notorious mobster Marcello Dell'Utri and the current minister Mara Carfagna.

[edit] International Politics

He's a close friend of George W Bush and Tony Blair solely for the reason that all their family names start with a capital "B", indeed they first heard of each other browsing the phonebook looking for pen pals.

[edit] Mottos

A concrete engagement: I put it myself in the ass.
The strength of a dream: to raise it to us at the ass.

[edit] External links

[edit] Actual Quotes

No actually, what you will read below are actual quotes by Mr. Berlusconi himself, sometimes reality is far better than fiction. He is known for being a very good comedian, see why below. Some even say that he is Italy's finest comedian and that's why many comedians have been "banned" from TV. Of course it's not true, they're simply jealous because he stole their job.

"I never did Business through Politics, I always lost money" - His companies (3 TV channels, insurance, magazines, publishing, ... ) have made record breaking profits when he was in office thanks to tax-cuts he passed and crimes he abolished from the penal code.
10 June 95 "I will make an announcement tomorrow"; Next day: "I never said I would make an announcement today"
"Our target is cutting by half the crime rate within the end of office"; 2 days later: "I never said I would cut in half the crime rate!"
"I am a TV man, I am a truly democratic leader".
"I don't think that paying public administration staff can be called bribing".
"What? me corrupted? that would be like indicting Madre Teresa of Calcutta".
"If there is someone that reminds me of Gandhi that would be me" -- Yes he really said that!
"Mandela arrived to power after 20 years of Prison, I am younger".
"Who would I want to be if not Mr. Berlusconi? Berlusconi's son of course!"
"We of Forza Italia have such high moral standards others cannot even realise that" -- for some time a Forza Italia MP made regular trips between Parliament and prison after been charged of bribing.
"I've been anointed by God, there truly is something divine about being elected by the people" -- That sounds just like G.W.Bush
"I am an equilibrated, reasonable and moderate man".
"I will be in History: prepare a monument".
"I always agree with the USA even before knowing what they have to say".
"Now I am poor!"

Elections 2008: A few days before the elections, Berlusconi remembered one of his previous proposals: have judges undergo regular psychiatric examinations.

During the previous Berlusconi government, there were plans to change the judicial system radically and the above suggestion was one of the hot topics. "Info"

Elections 2008: Silvio Berlusconi claimed that Enzo Biagi left RAI (Italian public TV) out of free will and that he did it for money. The late Enzo Biagi was a famous and universally respected journalist. He was one of the journalists that had to leave RAI in 2002 after the so-called ‘Bulgarian diktat’ by Mr Berlusconi. He was specifically accused by Berlusconi to make a "criminal use" of television.

"Info"

Elections 2008: Berlusconi confirmed what Senator Dell'Utri said about the life-sentenced mafia boss "Vittorio Mangano". "Dell’Utri" is Berlusconi's right hand and co-founder of Forza Italia. He has been convicted of false accounting and "extortion in association with Cosa Nostra" (the Sicilian mafia). He had termed Mangano a "hero".

Mangano worked several years for Berlusconi as ‘horsekeeper’ at his villa (although it's been ascertained there were no horses…). Judge Paolo Borsellino in an interview described him as the mafia link to Northern Italy . "Borsellino" died two months after this statement in one of Italy's most brutal bomb attacks. Dell’Utri literally said ‘Mangano was a hero because he never made, even under pressure, compromising revelations about Berlusconi or myself ’.

Elections 2008: Silvio Berlusconi said that, in case of victory, recently-elected President of the Republic Giorgio Napolitano would have to be replaced by somebody of his coalition.

Elections 2008: Silvio Berlusconi got a lot extra criticism because businessman and newspapers owner "Ciarrapico", member of Berlusconi’s party, is a self-avowed fascist used to make proudly the fascist greeting. He's also been convicted for numerous other crimes.

Silvio Berlusconi claims Ciarrapico's fascist leanings to be small details, irrelevant as the man owns useful newspapers and magazines. (he has stated this openly)

Elections 2008: A few weeks before election day, Silvio Berlusconi assured that there was no room in his coalition for people with a criminal past or with mafia connections ("an exception is made for political accusations").

Guiseppe Ciarrapico, as well as Marcello Dell’Utri, and many others (Berlusconi himself included) have a criminal past and/or have been accused of mafia connections. They now all sit in the Italian Senate.

More Quotes from Silvio Berlusconi one week before the 2008 elections