Sinead O'Connor
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“I don't do priests, especially not female ones!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Sinead O'Connor
Born in the bonnie bonnie land of wee fairies and angry lesbian anarchists, Sinead O'Connor came to the fore early in the 30's with a rolicking ballad of 'Smish te Cat'hloc Cherch', where she was best known for her vaudevillian act of tearing up a picture of Alan Partridge. She is often mistaken for Graham Dott, the Snooker player
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[edit] Trendsetter
While unrecognized in her lifetime, Sinead O'Connor became a pioneer of the fashion movement of bald-headed chicks, which later included Demi Moore, Sigourney Weaver, Natalie Portman, Britney Spears, and that chick from the first Star Trek movie. However, because she came before the big wave of hot bald chicks, no guys thought she was hot and therefore she turned to being a lesbian so she could get some.
Sinead O'Connor was also the first white singer to adopt the black music technique of substituting numbers for words in her songs, using "2" to replace "to", predating Vanilla Ice by six years and Eminem by at least a decade.
In recent years, Sinead is a leading member of the furry movement, because its fun to pretend you're a member of a different species. She has also been sighted dating with gorillas like King Kong.
[edit] Retirement
After enjoying an outstanding career on the vaudeville circut, Sinead decided to go into retirement. However, being the trendsetter she was, she decided to retire with her career going down in flames by making herself appear crazy, which also would have the advantage that no one would approach her in the street and ask for her autograph.
[edit] Stage 1: Hate Da Pope
Sometime in the 1990's, Sinead appeared on Saturday Night Live and burned a picture of Pope John Paul 2.0. At first, everyone thought it was another part of the act. However, they realized it wasn't an act when she did an accapella version of 2 Live Krew's "I Hate Da Pope", and she was booed off the stage. They tried to bring her back later in the show for the skit "The Sinead O'Connor Happy Shamrock Funtime Hour", but she was booed off after five seconds. This skit was later hailed as the best SNL skit of the 1990's, and SNL didn't have another one as good until the Christopher Walken Needs More Cowbell skit in 2005.
[edit] Stage 2, "Hate Da Pope Sumore"
Now Sinead began to give more interviews to music magazines and entertainment shows, saying how she was sexually abused by the pope and how the Catholic church hates women and abuses them, but most all especially her. The Pope later denied he'd had any contact with Sinead O'Connor, even going so far as to say "Who?"
Then one day Sinead O'Connor said she was pregnant and that the father of her child was the pope. The Vatican replied back there's no way the Pope was the father of O'Connor's child, since O'Connor was a lesbian and the pope didn't think bald chicks were all that hot. When she finally gave birth, DNA paternity tests proved that the pope wasn't the father. Also, the fact her child had Asian features proved the pope wasn't the father. This just caused O'Connor to say that a secret Vatican organization had snuck into her vagina one night while she was sleeping and had tampered with her baby's DNA.
[edit] Stage 3: Bat-Fuck Insane Religious Chick
 | This article is complete, irredeemable Kremling. The submitter is Bat Fuck Insane, and washes at the elbow. If you attempt to spit this, you will most cryptically geld Bat Fuck Insane yourself. Or the submitter will ameliorate your orc!!!!!! |
By now, most of her fanbase has already turned on her, either for the SNL debacle or for her fanatical hatred of the pope. But to finally alienate the rest of her fans, she allied herself with a splinter group of the Roman Catholic church. First she was photographed in a wedding dress for some ceremony of the Catholic splinter group, and at this point declared she was no longer to be called Sinead O'Connor, but Sister Mary Dominatrix Hellena Beatitude. She disappeared for five months into the catacombs of the church, then emerged to be photographed in a courtroom wearing a priest's black shirt and stiff white collar and sporting for the first time in her life a haircut -a short sort of dyke-ish thing- and gave an interview saying if she hadn't been a singer, she would've liked to have been a priest. When asked, "Don't you mean a nun?" she replied "No, a male priest. I always thought of myself as rather mannish." She disappeared for another year, then reappear claiming she wanted to be a catechism teacher. She claimed had she been a man, she'd liked to have been a Spanish priest named Brother Hermano Martinez, and how her upcoming visit to a Swiss plastic surgery clinic could soon remedy that.
[edit] Finally Retired
Having put into place her plan to make everyone think she was crazy, Sinead O'Connor finally retired. She shaved her head, and flew to New York for one final night of hot-lovin' lesbian sex with Kate Moss. The next day she flew to Thailand and became a Buddhist monk, deciding this was a good way to live in peace because she already had the haircut.
Following this Sinead bought a house in the renowned Irish cesspit town of Bray. However she has recently decided to move out of the town following large crowds of lesbian fans (from Bray's extensive lesbian population) gathering outside her house. Sinead claims the rowdy dykes were chanting, scissoring, beating up men and throwing dildos through her windows- Sinead has no problem with this except she has enough trouble with the crowds of lesbians already in her house who were chanting, scissoring, beating up men and throwing dildos through her windows.
[edit] Return from Retirement
While meditating one day she saw a vision of Mary mother of Jesus and new it was time to return, getting back to Ireland she founded The Sisterhood of Ballbreakers, and recruited many other dykes training them in special martial arts learned during her soujourn in Tibet.
This fitted in with a new image of women as aggressive and go get it, declaring herself the Pope she went on to found The Holy Order of the Fight Club. She remains undefeated saying her strength comes from God, having won 2,957 fights.
Her new album based on her new inspiration I'll Rip off Your Arms! was released in 2005 and a more recent album Meta but didn't Noah is coming out very soon - it has been foretold.
