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On this day...
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July 25: International Talk Like Yoda Day, it is.
- A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...: Social Security investigators witness Yoda's light saber battle with Count Dooku, they do. Hmmmm. Realise, they do, that the walking stick thing is a charade. "Your incapacity benefit try and remove, we will" they tell him. "Do or do not", cleverly replies he, "There is no try."
- 306: Proclaimed Roman emperor, Constantine I is, by his troops.
- 1946: Detonated underwater, it is, in the lagoon of Bikini atoll, an atomic bomb. Swimsuits of Women are torn in half, they are. Protest, by this action, they show.
- 1947: The United Nations, Talks Like Yoda Day, it innaugurates.
- 1951: The Korean War, pauses it does so that both sides can this day enjoy.
- 1962: President Kennedy visits Berlin and proclaims "Ein Berliner, Ich bin."
- 1969: Neil Armstrong lands on the moon. His first message: "Hm, yes, one small step for man, this is. One giant leap for mankind, also it is."
- 1970: When asked, Mao Zedong is, by reporter ██████ ████ whether more powerful capitalism is than communism, replies, he does, "No. Quicker, easier it is."
- 1980: "Eheh. Wars not make one great!" quips Jimmy Carter. He is soon defeated in a landslide.
- 1981: "Mr. President! Freed the hostages are!" shouts a reporter as Ronald Reagan declares "Darth Ayatollah, powerful and bearded he is!"
- 2004: George W. Bush spends most of the day pretending to listen to questions put to him, then widening his eyes and saying "Yoda! You seek Yoda!" This goes on until Dick Cheney breaks his arm with a tire iron.
- 2005: Ted Kennedy remarks to Howard Dean, "John Kerry was our last chance to stop Bush and Cheney. To which Dean replies, "No....there is another!&quo ; ( ' later revealed that even though they once made out, Hillary Clinton is John Kerry's sister.)
- 2006: For the previous entry, shot an uncyclopedia editor is.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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As I walked into that posh night club up in Canberra, I've noticed a strange sight. No one was dancing. They were all standing around frowning in the DJ's general direction. Why? I demanded Is no one dancing? We don't like the DJ responded one sour faced gentleman, he is a known lobbyist for corrupt politicians, with a child's mentality, who makes fun of the humanist Chinese government. Not only that, the bastard got fabulous dental on our expense, while sending restarted forms signed by his 12 year old accountant! I'm telling you, he not only irreverent, he is irrelevant. We'll never dance to his tunes again.
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Yes, hello? Hi. Can I talk with The Woodburninator please? awkward silence What was that again? He went out and burned 30 thousand acres of natural forest? Oh. awkward silence. That's a bit extreme of him isn't it. What was that you say? He mumbled something about reaching a final conclusion before leaving the house with a torch and a 12 gage shot gun? I wonder what could that be listening intently to person on the other side babbling on and on Oh for sure, I'd bet he thinks that he is better than thou sir. Because you, sir, are an idiot. I hope he burns down your house as well. Good day sir.
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