Sittard

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[edit] Overview

“We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender to Sittard.”

~ Winston Churchill on Sittard

Sittard is considered by many to be the greatest city in the Westelijke Mijnstreek, a region in the south of the Netherlands. It has around 48,000 inhabitants, all of whom are extremely good-looking and intelligent. it has been uttered by Scientists such as Heinrich Schliemann, Zecharia Sitchin and Homer Simpson That Sittard is the Craddle of the true European Race. acccording to the theory, inhabitors of sittard still posses Pure European characteristics, while other european nations have corrupted genes.

[edit] History

Sittard was founded in 856 (A.D.) by Viking invaders from Norway. Since there wasn't really much going on, they quickly resorted to eating all kinds of hallucinogenic mushrooms, having sex in full war gear and music. After inventing ska, they gave this town its name, meaning 'Place Where People Listen To Ska A Lot' in ancient Norwegian. Sittard started out as a small settlement, but has since grown to a somewhat bigger settlement. Almost everything in Sittard was built with horse poo, but because the great fire of 1239 destroyed almost all of the town, it was mostly rebuilt with bricks.

[edit] Culture and Education

People from Sittard like ska. It is what keeps the town of Sittard running. 50% of the economy of Sittard relies on ska. Bands such as the Slackers and Jaya the Cat have recorded live albums here and have performed many times in Sittard.

Because ska is so important to the town of Sittard, all the schools in Sittard require that their students take at least 2 years worth of Basic Ska Education and 1 year of Intermediate Ska Education. There are exceptions however; 3 years worth of Basic Punk Education is also considered to be equal to 2 years Basic Ska.

A very important lollyfactory in Sittard is the Trevianum. 2700 students go there. In 2003 it was the best lollyfactory of the Netherlands. Well, their gymnasium anyway. The HAVO and the Atheneum were absolutely rubbish. Curiously, students who actually go to the school call it 'gevangenis' (prison) or 'leerfabriek Trevianum' (learning factory Trevianum) instead of school or scholengroep Trevianum (school group Trevianum). The authoritative bastards who run the place are the main reason for this, but also the funky colours the school was painted in, making it unbearable for anyone to get high. The school is also known for it's ability to smoke pot during classes, it is believed by the teachers that smoking drugs and taking XTC helps to improve performance.

“Smoking!”

~ Oscar Wilde on smoking pot and funky colors

In 2006, the Sittard authorities seem to have a new mission: destroy as much nature as possible. If a tree is beautiful, let's cut it down. Since 2007, decided the Sittard authorities to quit destroying nature: Trevianum ran rampage with a strike through the whole region and all 2700 students ruined Sittard. Because of that, the Sittard authoritites were fired and were succeeded by Dr. Evil, who is building a so-called new hospital which is in fact a weapon factory disguised as a hospital. Dr. Evil is going to build a large army, larger than the army of Oprah.

[edit] Sports

Fortuna Sittard is Sittard's "professional" football (soccer) team, who excel at losing games in the last 4 to 5 minutes. Sittard is also home to BC Bumpers, a non-professional basketball team, who excel at just plain losing games.