Skin
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“One skin, two skin, three skin, foreskin!”
~ Zippy on Rainbow
Skin is an extremely dangerous orgasm, it is constantly expanding its evil grasp and as of writing it has consumed every single human being.
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[edit] What Is Skin?
Skin was one of the first lifeforms to appear in the universe, between the Old Dark Ones and the Not As Old But Still Pretty Old Dark Ones. Skin had many evolutionary strengths, including the ability to store fat as insulation, and the ability to produce beads of persperation that glisten seductively in the evening sun. But skin possessed one weakness, the inability to move around of its own accord, during the First Annual Skin Conference On Dermal Affairs Relating To Skin And Skin's Interests (ASC DARTSASI), this problem was overcome.
[edit] ASC DARTSASI I And It's Consequences
ASC DARTSASI I was held on the Skin Homeworld, Dermulon Prime. It was held by the Skin Overlord Dartsasi I in his Palace of Evil.
After 300 hours of conferring, Skin released its plan to parasitically attach itself to every animal in the universe. Originally, the animals greeted this proposal as it meant that their internal organs would no longer fall out and cause a big mess.
However, millions of years later this position of power has become abused. Being a host for Skin is no longer voluntary. Many children are born with Skin without their parents' prior permission.
Many believe that Skin is manipulating this position to impose on human history.
[edit] Skin Within History
Throughout ancient times many societies worshipped Skin, and waged war on their neighbours to enforce the cult of skin.
Events that Skin is thought to be directly responsible for:
- European slave-trading.
- Drugs.
- The Zulu Wars.
- The French Revolution.
- The American Civil War.
- Nazism.
- All Indo-Pakistani Conflicts to date.
- Apartheid in South Africa.
- The election of George W. Bush.
- AIDS
[edit] The Conspiracy of Acne
In AD. 100, having conquered most of mankind and being parasitically attached to the majority of mankind the evil lords of the Skin Empire then decided to unleash their millennia old plan to control all of mankind. It did this by releasing acne upon the world.
The basic idea of the plan was to produce disgusting looking red spots with white heads all over the faces of any human with skin, known as zits or spots. This, making people hideous, would force them to stay inside where skin would then force mankind to work in its large Vaseline mines, as skin loves Vaseline.
The hideous nature of this heinous crime also stopped human reproduction for a while, as most people could not stand the sight of the spots. However, humans, being horny devils, quickly developed a countermeasure for this, the solution being covering your loved one's face with a pillow, while making sure not to suffocate, while procreating.
Deciding skin had gone too far, the great knight Clearasil began developing Weapons of Spot Destruction (WSD's) to counter. A long war erupted, which wasn't really much of a war as it involved most people sitting around rubbing cream on themselves.
Finally in AD. 250 the war ended, with the Treaty of Puberty.
An agreement was made between humans and skin, that acne would only appear in developing teenagers until the teenager is 21. This would coincide with the maturation of the teenager, so they could blame it on whatever hormones they had floating around.
The scars of this great war can still be seen today in the spotty faces of teenagers, and many veterans of the war cannot help but shed a tear at the sight of this.
[edit] Why Skin Must Be Stopped
Unless humanity shows Skin that we are not its bitch, the evil fiend will continue to expand its Evil Empire until everyone is totally enslaved.
Resisting Skin is simple, and there are many ways to do it. Such as, getting a tattoo, body piercing, extensive tanning, setting yourself on fire and cutting yourself. So think of future generations and be mean to your Skin.
