Slavery
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“In Soviet Russia/Compton/Harlem, Black people whip YOU!”
~ Russian Reversal on Slavery
“If I ever get a chance to hit that thing, I'll hit it hard.”
~ Abraham Lincoln on slavery
“OK I admit it, it was a little fucked up”
~ White People (and Arabs and Black Chieftains who sold the blacks in the first place) on Black Slavery
“You can have any color you want, as long as it's black.”
~ Henry Ford on slaves
“I freed WHO??? ”
~ Abraham Lincoln after sobering up
“I am a slave. ”
~ Cristiano Ronaldo on the subject of slavery, thinks he is one because he is not getting his own way and throwing the toys out of the pram, even though he is a professional footballer getting over 100 grand a week!
Slavery is a method employed by many absurdly rich people to avoid paying high capital-gains taxes. Also called "employment" or "jobs," it involves the concept that other people should do your work for you while you check your stock portfolio, or even better, embark on a cruise to the Cayman Islands, where slavery originated.
The art of subjecting another life to your will in order to avoid tax payments is very simple. First, you obtain a large amount of money; second, you jettison any sense or standard of morality you may currently possess, and third, you head over to your local Slave-Mart and pull out the plastic!
The ownership of slaves is currently illegal in most countries because their governments are jealous of the effectiveness with which practitioners of slavery subjugate their hamsters, gerbils and kitchen utensils, in violation of every hamster, gerbil, and kitchen-utensil-rights covenant in the world. But that doesn´t prevent them from throwing good parties, now does it? No.
Slavery didn't go wrong until Thomas Jefferson went out back and boinked one of his slaves, starting an oreo cookie wave of destruction. These half-bred monsters had the brains of rich white man and the pure brown of a Zulu Warrior. Since then, they have pretty much taken over every professional sport except baseball, which was dominated by the Mexicans.
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[edit] Some advantages of slavery
- Lower crime rates
- Country saves money on welfare
- Free exercise
- No elections
- No unemployment
- More time for social experiences
- The future of today's cotton industry
- A sizeable 401K portfolio
- Discovering just how many of your relatives can fit in a confined area meant for no more than three bags of flour
- Free healthcare, including removal of unnecessary feet
- Random "Exotic Back Massages"
- Being able to say that you work harder than anyone else you know.
In addition, being enslaved usually spares you from having to read bullet lists.
[edit] Just how the heck did this "slavery" thing start, anyway?
Slavery began when the Jews (who were in Egypt delivering the pyramids along with a shipment of pirated Britney Spears sex DVD's, so that they could jack off) insisted on being paid for their work. This mollified them for a time, but soon, the librarians realized that the Jews were being paid, and decided to enslave them. After several centuries, Moses emancipated them, saying that someone named "God" wanted them to (in his words) "let my people go to the darkest corner of Bam Margeras' anus." The Egyptian Pharaoh, Rammstein III, was compelled to acquiesce to Moses' request, mostly due to his having forgotten to bring his credit card to Wal-Mart that week. Eventually, these slaves became corporate tax attorneys and IBM salesmen.
Slavery in the United States began when the White Man, jealous of the Africans' larger dicks, decided that in order to keep them from raping, they must shackle their feet. Slavery became one of the USA's biggest fads of the 18th and 19th centuries, as well as for several weeks in 1952. Once superior dancing abilities was made a criminal defence by the Civil Wrongs and Anti-Dancing Act of 1798, these African "detainees" were generally sentenced to work in cotton fields and listen to right-wing talk radio for several hours each day. The White Man, in order to mollify his strangely messed-up conscience and given his inability to make his own living anyway, gave the slaves pieces of paper that had dollar signs ("$") on them, but were in fact worth nothing. Cuba was upset by a decline in their tomato sales, but the world moved on. Even [[George Was himself was thought to have said, "Give me liberty, or give me a chicken."
Slavery in the US has since long ended, but there is an ongoing debate over whether or not slavery reparations should be paid to me, since I could really do with some extra money. However, a little-known fact is that the US already has instituted slavery reparations, which are more commonly known as "NBA players' salaries."
A military draft is also considered slavery, because a bunch of pussy adolescents are abducted by the Armed Forces and forced to wear bulky uniforms, put up with obnoxious Drill Sargeants/Instructors, perform one million push-ups/laps until they shrivel, forced to speak, think, and act "by the numbers" in which they need an abacus to solve, use retarded lingo, and finally be thrown into a war he/she may not agree with, to get his/her head blown off in the glorious name of "freedom".
[edit] Slavery today
Whilst back in the day, Slavery seemed a fine great thing we know realise it was a grave mistake for mankind everywhere. The vile act of slavery brought the cursed Plague of NEGROES. These terrible people where the Ancestors of the common bike stealing, raping criminal we know today. The Correct Scientific name for this is: Homo Negroeses Joneses.
Windemere (born Shlomo Tevyah) was a tiny, neurotic jew, belonging to American writer Ernest Hemingway. Windemere was one of the last Jewish slaves.
In modern Western(rootin' tootin' desperadoes!) societies, "slavery" is used mostly as a synonym for "marriage", whereby the woman is forced to do the housekeeping and raise children while the male fulfills career ambitions and participates in his hobbies and interests. Rumors of old-fashioned "real" slavery, indentured servitude, and other forms of "human traffic" in modern-day America are mostly unfounded, except of course for the call center industry.
Certain individuals, many of whom are of African-American descent, practice a form of enslavement whereby other individuals — mostly women — are compelled to perform often-degrading acts for hire, usually giving them only a small fraction of the financial proceeds from these transactions, barely enough to ensure a bare minimum of subsistence for the enslaved person. Such people are commonly referred to as "corporate executives."
[edit] Slavery in the Future
Please see Time Machine
Some people claim everyone in an entire country will become slaves to their leader. Others claim that women will become slave drivers forcing men to paint their nails and help them go shopping but this cannot possibily occur while Chuck Norris is alive.Chuck Norris will pwn the women elitists with a round-house kick to the face.
[edit] Synonyms
