Slime mold
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Slime mold, otherwise known as slime mould to those who speak English bad, is the most beautiful plant known to man. It was first invented in 1775 by Sir Author Douglas as an answer to ugly roses. The best way to cultivate your own slime mold is to remove any ugly grass by covering it up with mulch. The best way to obtain mulch is to steal it from your neighbor.
Slime molds are a great way to liven up any garden, indoors or outdoors. It is very easy to cultivate, just needing a large supply of mulch (stolen from your neighbor) and a supply of new neighbors every so often to help in the Chest Burster stage of life.
[edit] Slime Mold Life Cycle
A slime mold starts it's life cycle as a small egg. This egg will soon hatch into a helpless little creature known as a kitten. Many of these kittens never make it all the way to become an adult due to the increase in Kitten Huffing in recent years.
The next stage of life has to be the most interesting. About two weeks into the kitten stage, the slime mold will start to develop into it's adult form. The first step to this is the normally fluffy hair of the kitten stage turns to a yellow, green, or mauve powder. Next the slime mold losses it's "kitten" shape and enters the most attractive stage of it's growth, the Dog Vomit Stage! This is considered the most beautiful stage of a slime mold's life cycle. Anyone who doesn't feel this way is thought to be a moron by the rest of the world. This stage of life can last from 42 minutes up to 72 years. Feel free to display your beautiful Slime Mold to all your friends!
The last stage of life is the Chest Burster stage. This is when the slime mold decides to spread new eggs to start the process all over again. Scientists agree that this stage begins when the slime mold starts to realise that it won't be young forever and that it's biological clock is ticking. First the slime mold will enter a new host and sit dormant for two weeks (a neighbor is excellent for this stage if you're breeding slime molds yourself.) After the two week period, slime mold spores will "burst" from the stomach of the host, killing the host instantly, and then start seeking out the closest mulch pile. The mulch you stole from your neighbor earlier is perfect for this stage.
[edit] See also
There are also various moldy creatures. These poor defenseless ugly creatures were infested with mold. There are many types of moldy creatures. These are only a few.
Moldy cheese: moldy cheese is cheese that, when infested, grows a brain and becomes very stinky.
Moldy gagsta's: moldy onions that became gangsters when the mold infested them. Throw themselves into other peoples mouths to make them puke when they are in a fight.
Moldy Oldies: Old grandma's and grandad's who got infested with the mold.
Remember, these are only a few of the dangerous and moldy creatures. When you are in public, make sure you are alert and ready for a mold attack.
