Slow Boy Running
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[edit] The Band That Redifined Human Existence
"The jig is up, Matt Brothelman!"
Slow Boy Running is a recent bay area band that started with only 2 members; Thomas Brungardt and John Beaver. Slowly, their band grew to 4 but they hadn't really gotten the hang of the "music" part of being a band. When we went one on one with the band's lead man Thomas Brungardt, he blamed all the music problems and pretty much everything that was wrong with the band at that time on John's obesity. He said the Taco Bell trips really took a stab at the bands potential. They had to let him go. Thomas decided it would best for him to quit instead of kicking him out of the band. Thusly, Thomas had to think of a way to make him want to leave the band and possibly break the bonds of their friendship. Thomas said quote, "Music was my life and I wasn't gonna let any fat ass get in my way... No, I was gonna cut down that ass, I was gonna tunnel my way through it if i had too..." Thomas finally made John quit by stealing an old home video of John dressed up in a pink tu-tu dancing to "Oops, I Did it Again" by Britney Spears, and showing it on the school projector during homosexuality class. John left in a rage in the hip teenager way.
So what happened to Slow Boy Running you ask?
Well, they evolved into to a much more fun, hip, pop, rock, experimental, industrial, jazz-fusion, punk, metal, Celine Dion band full of talent. Thomas struggled to keep it together. Thomas found Hans, a young out going singer with a passion for rocky road ice cream. Hans was a exchange student from Germany and was struggling to pay for a meal and find a place to live where rat bites didn't infect so badly. While, walking to the surplus store, Thomas saw Hans leaning against a post with a rocky road ice cream cone and, like instinct, Thomas new he could sing. Thomas lured him the the studio with ice cream and other foods and told him to sing his lungs out. Hans laid down the track. Thomas recorded the rest of the tracks and ba bam boom, Slow Boy Running was back in buisness. Over the years Thomas found more and more artistically challenged musicians that craved an artistic job. Thomas finally got sick of writing lyrics and decided to get a lyricist. He discovered Craig at De Anza College. Craig was on campus studying for a test when Thomas asked him if he had ever written a poem. Craig actually had a whole journal full of poems for it was his passion. Brungardt was interested in the poem "See, the Sun is Happy" which was a poem about how the sun had an everlasting desire to be yellow and aflame at all times. The new Slow Boy Running was made. Years later the band used Craig's poem as their new album title, entitled "See, the Sun is Happy".
Slow Boy Running released their sophomore title "Banging Gongs For Vagabonds" later in the year. Although it was no more than a glorified attempt at an EP, it consisted many smash hits including "For the Vagabonds", "Experience Utopia", and "Macbeth", which is popular among grad students. During the creation of the album they began shooting a pseudo-rockumentary titled simply, "Drunken Haze". The DVD was released in segments on the website YouTube until its eventual release mid-year. It sold no copies, but it was given to a groupie in Washington State and the thousands of YouTube views more than sufficed. They also had a very short-lived live DVD entitled "We're Going Home Live 2006" which covers their breakthrough Shoreline concert in its entirety plus some bonus footage from small clubs and cafes.
The band was best known for its crazy MySpace antics. They had everything form slideshows to song release blog parties, kegger not included. The MySpace abruptly ended operation in late 2006 when Thomas went on a Captain Crunch binge and converted the MySpace to a hamster bestiality site. Thomas has still not made an official comment on this atrocity. The rest of the band hardly remembered his name when told of this incident. The remaining members seemed indifferent to Thomas's whimsical destruction of the bands main site. Only original founding member John Beaver had something to say about it "Mmm, I love Captain Crunch."
The band continues to write and talk about maybe releasing something. Although it is believed there was some bad blood between the members, they have actually spoken in interviews about working on more material. Rumor has it that there is a 17 song release in the works. The band says it is hard to complete a CD when the member live in all corners of the world. When told about the second reunion of Slow Boy Running, John Beaver expressed his wishes to rejoin the band as he feels he is "one of the main creative forces behind the idea". The remaining band members have not returned his calls.
[edit] First Interview
The Rolling Stone magazine Article that started it all
Slow Boy Running is the creative stylings and compilations of Thomas Brungardt. He alone plays the instruments unless otherwise stated. Slow Boy Running started off as an offensive band that delved into all forms of racism, sexism, and political incorrectness. The debut album "Just Shove It In" included smash hits such as "Little Black Man", "Fat Man", and comedy sketches such as "Hitler's Best Man" that enraged the public....
After continuous riots at the non-existent shows and dealing with daily threats, the band went on hiatus quite unfortunately before the release of their sophomore title, "Shat Happens" which apparently was going to feature William Shatner (This is currently uncomfirmed, it has since been discovered to be a pile of dogshit).
Unfortunately, this album was never recorded. We have been unable to contact Shatner on the subject.
The riots and death-threat's weren't the only reasons for the bands hiatus. Tension between the band members was escalating. Brungardt was growing less fond of former bassist/ co-founder John Beaver's "uncreative" and "unoriginal" idea's. When asked later about this subject Brungardt stated
"Frankly, I was sick of his fat ass... the GTI Rabbit which we we're using to go to shows was bottoming out because he weighed 300 fucking pounds... I don't miss him"
Beaver later replied on Brungardt's statement by saying
"Fucking shit man"
Guitarist Ben "Kenobi" later stated, "I didn't think our aspirations of getting any pussy would be fulfilled if John stayed in the band."
These tensions we're ultimately what lead to the demise to Slow Boy Running. Their 5th European National Tour was unfortunately cut short.
Finally...
Brungardt came to his senses and kicked John out of the band. When asked later about this unexpected alteration, Brungardt replied
"There we're just too many trips to Taco Bell... I'm not gonna lie to you... I don't like beaners"
John's departure spelled the end for Slow Boy Running
But hope was shining over the horizon
"See, the Sun is Happy" exclaimed Brungardt, "the futures looking skinny."
And so Slow Boy Running returns with the new album that is pretty much the same sound without the offensive lyrics.
When asked about the new album, Brungardt replied
"Eh, yeah... it's like... I'm God, right? And when I put the music onto a CD and distribute it to the people, it's like I *in a drunken haze Brungardt continued*... am plaguing them.. only it's a good thing.. right?"
He shortly after passed out.
Brungardt implored the talents of other musicians on this album such as famous session guitarist Ben Mohler from numerous unsuccessful bands.
The drums on "Wonderwall" we're preformed by a Canadian former-acrobat Brungardt found lying half-dead in the streets of Toronto (pictured above) who chooses to only be known as "Algar".
"His talents range from eh to meh," states Brungardt, "He'll get better... maybe? I promise!"
"Yeah yeah, we're back on the move," Continues Brungardt. "We're getting a little older, a little wiser, we're starting to get hair in really weird places. It's gonna be pleasant though. We can drive to shows and when we turn, we don't have to hear the transmission scrape on the pavement while a fat man makes Chewbacca noises."
Hunter S. Thompson, Rolling Stone 2005
[edit] Reunion?
Recently, the band has released the track-listing for their comeback 17-song double album.
The tracklisting as of April 30 is available in the Discography section of the site. This tracklisting is, according to the band, subject to change.
[edit] Members
Thomas Brungardt: Although it was thought before that Thomas performed most of the instruments, recent interviews have revealed that Thomas did nothing more than sit around the studio and eat Captain Crunch.
Ben Mohler: All guitars, except for the main riff on "Macbeth"
Algar Burton: The drummer who is only referred to as "Algar" for the first 2 years of the bands career. His last name was finally revealed by an angry ex-girlfreind.
Phil McDanielson: bass (four string, six string, six string fretless, string - not that he used all (or any) of these, he just owned them), horns
Hans Schulmahn: vocals
Craig P. Gerk: Sometimes referred to as the "sixth slow boy", Craig wrote most of the lyrics for Slow Boy Running's song catalogue except for the songs that involve "daddy" issues. Hans is to blame for these.
Joseph Paulic Norbit: synthesizer, moog, melletron, clavinet, and other original 16-bit digital infromation. Uncredited studio musician who played most of what Thomas was credited to. He was John Paul Jones's sister-in-law's cousins gardener. This explained why he was arrested for stealing John Pauls Jone's melletron so many times. John hated him.
[edit] Where Are They Now?
Thomas Currently living in northern Minnesota where he operates a falafel factory with his gay senior citizen life partner Norris Jennings. He is happy and fulfulled.
Algar Moved back to Canada and started a company specializing in water-free urinals and those nifty devices used to cut bananas into slices.
Hans Moved back to Germany to reunite with his father. He walked in on him performing falattio upon a baby goat and knew they had a common interest. He now lives with his father and they perform falattio on goats together in the back of their privately owned bestiality brothel known as "The Schulmann Family Goat-Fucker's House" They don't get much business.
Phil Still setteling a few sexual harassment lawsuits from his time in the band. However he is able to get by on the royalties form his best-seller "Curves" which is oddly enough, about his sexual harassment cases.
Ben Enjoyed a brief stint in Marilyn Manson's band as a touring and studio guitarist. His alias was Paris Dahmer. An obvious combination of what he described as his "two favorite people in the universe". He was kicked out for apperently sexually harassing Manson. He has was last seen stalking Angelina Jolie's adopted chidlren.
Craig Continues to write for Slow Boy Running along with several sitcom pilots for Oxygen. He resides in Texas.
Joseph Paulic Norbit Dead.
[edit] Fan Interaction
Direct from Slow Boy Running's blog:
This whore...
Slow Boy Running has a very large fan-base. Many fans have broken out in riots over sold out tickets. girls scream at us an throw thir undergarments on stage... although, sometimes shoes are thrown as well... usually in contempt. But our fans go crazy for us. So crazy that sometimes they don't know how to express their love and affection, that they feel the only way to convey their orgasmic feelings for us is to insult us. But it's okay, we like it rough... and violent... sometimes demeaning. We're very condescending.
Here's some of the fan mail as messaged to us on myspace...
"Okay. In about the band section or whatever, isn't it supposed to be ABOUT THE BAND? I mean jesus fucking christ. It seems like youre doing a documentary about JOHN, not the band. it's like 95% john, and the other 5% little peices of the band here and there about when JOHN was in the band. What the hell? Yeah, you guys need to get a little less focused on John, and get more focused on the band. Your disgusting obsession needs to stop before it becomes unhealthy. or, wait, it probably already has. go look at your fucking page. the past is the past. GET OVER FUCK OVER IT! & quit dwelling on shit that's happend."
Don't worry, we ignored her. We ignore everybody.
From Sow Boy Running's message board
"We'd like to announce that the first 500 unlucky bastards to reply to this memo will receive a free copy of "Drunken Haze" mailed right to their door. The DVD case will be signed and come complete with a single wrapped condom for good luck. Have fun morons!"
(only one fan replied to the offer in Washington state. Unfortunatly, her copy of the DVD didn't work, the band forgot to sign it, and the condom was used)
[edit] Concert Reviews
Review of show from the Shoreline Amphitheater, Mountain View, CA
Their intelligent taste of music mixed with their amazing song writting capability made me jump for joy. Slow Boy Running is one of the very few modern bands that have that almost unpredictable performance skill. Live, their sound is perfect in every way. At the show they did a cover of Led Zeppelin's "Stairway To Heaven", it was also SPECTACULAR. Their head man Thomas Brungardt almost hypnotized the crowd with his songs. Everyone was surprised when their guest-star singer, Hans Schulmahn, came on stage to sing there hit "Radar Love". There show had a deep feeling of pure art I had no complaints what so ever, except the line for the Men's Room was really long. I got to speak Thomas after show and I saw what a truly amazing artist he was. He also had a very commanding essence. For example, when I came in the door he told me to find him a 40 ounce bottle of Guinness at once no matter who I was. Their drummer Algar was interesting. He had that silent artist look to him. It looked like he was looking at life insurance bills, but I wasn't certain. Thomas is what I call an artist finding artist in the arts. He can find the most articulate musician/poets out there. Now I was under the impression that there were only 3 members in the band, but I was wrong. There were 6 people in the room when I was in there. Their was Thomas, Ben, Algar, Hans, lyricist Criag P. Gerk, and Phil McDanielson. Phil was the bass player for this show, and probably the whole tour. He is a shy person. Craig is a lyricist that writes the best lines ever. It was said that prior to the show many pregnant/fat women were warned to not attend, these guys know how to throw a party!
[edit] Scandal
- On 2005 June 4th a member of Slow Boy Running Thomas Brungardt was arrested for apparently hiring Peter Greenguard, who worked as an editor for Rolling Stone magazine, to write phony reviews about how "totally awesome" Slow Boy Running is. Thomas went to court and jail, but got out with bail. His defense in court was quote "If the damn jews get to do it why don't I? Why don't I ? Judge, are you Cambodian?" The judge was Mexican, which angered Thomas even more.
- On June 7, 2005 Thomas was arrested for the same thing.
- On June 8, 2005 He was arrested again, he never learns.
[edit] Side Projects
Many people have been quoted on saying Slow Boy Running is "one GIANT side project", but against the will of God, Slow Boy Running has indeed spawned side project involving some if not all the members (even the non-existant ones). The abundance of side-projects is staggering compared to the very minimal material the band itself has produced. These side projects include:
- Desert Sloth (Thomas Brungardt & Algar Burton) - an experimental, avant-gard, annoying cover band of My Chemical Romance.
- Coq Blockers (Hans Schulman, Thomas Brungardt, & Phil McDanielson) - synth-pop, Eurupop style, gay rights protest band.
- Gods of the Revolution (Hans Schulmann, Thomas Brungardt, Phil McDanielson, Algar Burton, Ben Mohler, Buckethead, Danny Carey, David Byrne, Les Claypool, Robert Johnson, Robert Fripp, all the douches in Rush, Eric Clapton (he blew), John Bonham, Nikki Sixx, Elton John, William Hung, Dee Snider, William Shatner, and of course, God) - over-bloated, crowded concept band chuck full of unnecessary endless solos and wasted musicianship. It was the brainchild of Ben Mohler before Slow Boy Running to waste as much money as possible on personnel. His experiment work. He has since declared bankruptcy.
Alice Cooper, and Iggy Pop turned down repsective positions in the band as electric trianglist and creepy old guy because they had chickens that needed peanut buttering that the band could not provide. Wierdos.
- The Most Annoying Jam Band In The World or TMAJBITW - (Phil McDanielson, Algar Burton, Ben Mohler) - self explanitory
- Banana Bread Clan (T. J. Shenanery, A-Man, PB & J, Dr. Bitch, Micky D a.k.a. Thomas Brungardt, Algar Burton, Phil McDanielson, Ben Mohler, Hans Schulmann) - rap side project that was basically Slow Boy Running only an even bigger waste of everybodies time. The entire band and their breakthrough album was solely inspired by late night sessions of drinking beer and watching nothing but Dave Chappelle for 10 hours straight. "Wu-Tang Clan ain't nothin to mess with!". The rap group spawned one single "Bond Rap" which was "famous" for being turned down to be included in the new James Bond movie Casino Royale. The producers described it as "utter shit", followed by "Get Out! Now!"
It should be noted that the concept of Banana Bread Clan can be heard in the "rap" section of "Dicksville Notch" of Slow Boy Running's self-indulgent disasterpiece, "Jesus To Some".
- Bucket Hat (Thomas Brungardt & Ben Mohler) - folk rap side project consisting of Ben strumming acoustic guitar and Thomas rapping while doing melodies on the keytar. Ben solos only with beatboxes. The duo was formed while Ben and Thomas lived in separate states and much of the recording was done via satellite leaving a three second lag between the vocals and the music. Thomas excuses the lag as "creative liberation" and proceeded to throw a bottle of Jim Bean at the interviewer accusing him of being "jewish". Ben said the lag stayed cause they would have had to pay the studio twice as much for the time it took to correct it. After this information was given to them Thomas replied sluggishly with "It's fine, leave it! No one will notice."
[edit] Discography
[edit] LPs
[edit] The Short Version
2002 - "Just Shove It In"
2005 - "See, The Sun Is Happy"
2005 - "Banging Gongs For Vagabonds"
2006 - "Jesus To Some"
2007 - "Unnecessary"
2008 - "Excellence And Ethanol" (coming soon)
[edit] The Long Version
2002 - Just Shove It In (written by Thomas Brungardt & John Beaver - performed by The Garage Band)
1. Fags
2. Dorian
3. Lil' Black Man
4. Hitler's Best Man
5. Let Me Be
6. Cat Rescue
7. Da Whores
8. Wookie Boogie
9. Blepsi
10. Telephone Wake Up
11. Blackman
12. Why Can't We
13. Fags Again
2005 - See, The Sun is Happy (music written by Brungardt, lyrics by Craig P. Gerk - except where noted) - proper credit wasn't given to the original writers of Radar Love until a lawsuit was filed by Golden Earing's attourny some time after the albums release. Due to the band's "reprehensible" behavior in court, the members of Golden Earing now receive 50% of the royalties from the entire album. Also, although the title track gained some infamy for it's grotesquely suggestive lyric that turned out to be quite innocent, a recent interview has revealed that the song is much more offensive than previously thought. The last line saying "My first time milking a cow" seems to clarify the otherwise blatently sexual lyric. However, Craig revealed in a recent interview that "milking the cow" is a slang term at DeAnza for "porking your mom". The song has subsequently been banned of all major station airplanes.
1. Montreal
2. Blitzkrieg
3. Radar Love
4. See, The Sun Is Happy
5. Plethora of Lemons
6. Hot Soup
7. Hello Tonight
8. Members Only (Burton, Mohler, McDanielson)
9. We're Going Home
2005 - Banging Gongs For Vagabonds (music written by Brungardt, lyrics by Gerk, except where noted) - More of the rest of the bands creative imput was put into this album. The gong on "The Gong" was performed by one, Poon Tang. An unidentified co-conspiriter whom the band would later write a song about on their upcoming album. In the track "Fuck the Poor" the band expressed its inner most hate for poor homless people and the song contains controversial lyrics sucs as 'erraticate them' and 'If I had a nickel for every hobo in the world, I'd be richer than god and there wouldn't be any god-damn hobos.' Death of a Salesman was written by the bassist Phil McDanielson about his dear friend Joseph Paulic Norbit who was John Paul Jones's sister-in-law's cousin's gardener. The song is a requiem of Jospeh's tragic death from a deranged ex-wife of John Paul Jones mistaking Joseph for John. No one know why it is not called the Death of a Gardener. Algar says that "Death of a Gardener" does not rhyme with "why not the postman". Ben says that "Nobody cares about gardeners." The reason for salesman and not gardener is still unclear.
1. For The Vagabonds (Schulmann, Brungardt)
2. You Owe Me A Favor
3. Suck Me
4. Death of A Salesman (McDanielson)
5. Experience Utopia
6. Macbeth
7. Condescending Mailman
8. The Gong
9. Can I Have Some Rocky Road (Schulmann)
10. Fuck The Poor
2006 - Jesus To Some (written by Slow Boy Running, lyrics by Gerk) - By now the particulars of who was writing the songs was unclear. Fans dispute heavily about "Jesus To Some" taking the side that it was either their absolute worst or most inspired album. The band has gone on record saying it is their most self-indulgent album. It was recorded at the height of their success leading many of the songs to be pretentiously experimental and over-produced making the album seem very bloated "like our egos at the time" says Brungardt. It is unknown wether Norbit made his regular uncredited contributions to this album as the previous album contained his musical obituary.
1. ...And God Wept
2. Jesus To Some
3. Dicksville Notch
4. Gas Along The Dotted Line
5. Jesus To All
6. She Doesn't Love You
7. The Raven
8. Union Jack Crap Shack
9. Jesus To Some (reprise)
2007 - The Inauguration of the Aryan Buddha
For a while it was been rumored that SBR will be releasing a new Live CD entitled "Just Try To Shut Us Up" or "Suck Our Big Furry Discolored Balls". It is too be dated and to be recorded but Ben has said that this CD is nothing short of quote "Getting blown in the garden of Eden while God is filming." It is suggested that this has also been considered for the title. The live album will be released to garner interest in their rapidly dwindling fan-base for their comeback album, "Unnecessary".
While the title and cover of the album is unknown, it is widely believed to be Slow Boy Running's final performance before their hiatus at the Key Arena. The track-listing is as follows.
Disc 1
1. ...And God Wept
2. Blitzkrieg
3. Members Only
4. She Doesn't Love You
5. Plethera of Lemons
6. Hot Soup - the band continues to play these two despite obvious crowd dissapproval
7. The Raven
8. Macbeth - Hans and Thomas get a little enthusiastic in their interpretations
9. Dicksville Notch - The Banana Bread Clan make a special apperance
10. Turn That Damn Light Off (I Can See Their Faces!) - Technical difficulties resulted in yet another argument between Thomas and an audience member
11. The Mexican Song - Played to smooth things over, but backfired with all the latinos in the audience, riots insue
12. The Apoligia - Like Socrates's, only this one worked
Disc 2
1. Experience Utopia - With things back to normal, the show continues
2. Everlong?
3. Union Jack Crap Shack
4. See, The Sun Is Happy - Three babies we're concieved, and quickly aborted
5. For The Vagabonds - Hans stubs his toe at the end of the song and screams "fuck" into the microphone repeatedly as the band walks off stage.
6. Montreal (1st Encore)
7. Can I Have Some Rocky Road
8. Radar Love - inspired 12 minute rendition closing the first encore
9. Ol' School Slow Boy Medley (2nd Encore)
Lil' Black Man
Dorian
Let Me Be
10. Don't Stop Beleiving
11. Why Can't We (3rd Encore) - The band locked the audience in the stadium and wouldn't let them leave until they called for a third encore.
2007 - Unnecessary
The band has a new album coming out entitled Unnecessary. It is an epic double album about a ventriloquist with a cat and when the cat buzzes off the ventriloquist has to live on its own resourses. Then there is someting about a goldfish. The band has been very out spoken about the album but very secretive about its release. Ben has said the reason for being secretive about the release is "We want to squeeze the hell out of the tit that is our fanbase. We also don't believe that we need to share any serious information with our fans because, well... what the fuck have they done for us? Fuck you. This interview is over. I'm gonna go get shit faced and cry myself to sleep." This is the first albm to be recorded completely without frequent studio contributor Joseph Paulic Norbit, leading to spme spectualtion as to whether the album is gonna completely suck or not. "Norbit? The salesman? That hack! All he did was sit around the studio and eat Captain Crunch," says Thomas. "I'm gonna miss him," says Phil. "Recording without Norbit is gonna be hard", says Ben. "It's hard teaching Thomas how to play the keyboard. And really unrewarding. I think in the end we'll bring in some session guy and pay him in gummie bears. That's how we do."
Rumors spreading about Slow Boy Running has sparked irrelevant interest in the band. It was rumored that they we're going to attract the like's of George Martin, Dave Sardy, Steve Albini, Stephen King, or Butch Vig for production. It has finally been confirmed that Rick Rubin will indeed be producing the new album. He's made a huge mistake.
The track listing was released April 2 and has been changed 32 times.
The tracklisting has finally been completeed. As of May 9th, the tracklisting is as follows. The release date has been speculated anywhere from late June 2007 to early December 2011. It's release will be predated by the release of the single "Blank Check" which came a few months prior. "Blank Check" was the highest selling single of SBR's catalogue to date, reaching Number 2 in the Hot 100 Billboard List falling just under that nigger Sean Kingston's "Beautiful Girls". Many more singles are expected to come from this album. "Ve vant to milk zis vone to ze limit..." says Hans Schulmann, "Ve don't vant to have to vork for at least a few years avter zis shit."
Disc 1:
1. Eight Meters of Peanut Butter (Warmed) 2. Blank Check 3. Kitty Grinder 4. My Pillow 5. No Ballads 6. Penis Enlargement Pills 7. Yardstick 8. Paris Hilton
Disc 2:
1. Intermission 2. Assanine 3. Autobahn Revisited 4. Curves 5. It's Like Heroin (It Is) 6. The Hospital Song 7. Jen-nay, I Love You! 8. Poon Tang 9. Unnecessary 10. Seriously, No Ballads
-possible liner notes-
Produced by Rick Rubin and Slow Boy Running, additional production by Trent Reznor/Written Slow Boy Running/ Lyrics by Craig P. Gerk/ Engineered by this guy acroos the street/ Instruments provided by money, played by the band/ Shi-thead Manjina appears courtesy of your mom/Joe Ziwanul appears courtesy of Phil's car/ Robert Plant appears courtesy of Jimmy Page/ John Mayer, Jan Hammer, and Billy Cobham came here on a bus/ Pablo Francisco is unaware of his involvement/ Meg White was asleep/ Trent Reznor appears courtesy of an Interscope settlement. The turtle's name is Fred. He was killed in the making of the labum cover. Thanks to everyone who wanted us back. Fuck all you assholes who we're glad to be rid of us. We're back baby. Just try and shut us up!
It is true that the band intended to put a cover of Europe's "The Final Countdown" on the album, but it ended up being cut for legal reasons. The legal reasons being that Hans spilled a keg of Heinekin all over the finished tapes and accedently ejaculated on the mess making the song (and most of the studio) unusable. These are referred to as "legal reasons" by the band because this guy sued for negligence and child endangerment. Good times. There is also a guest star by the name of Shi-thead Manjiina. He performs on the tracks "Yardstick", "Autobahn Revisted", and "Hotpital Song". Shi-thead's main intrument is classical piano, but he doesn't play any piano on the album. The reason is accorcing to Algar, "No body likes or wants to see a sand-negro playing the piano. It's just too damn scary. Goddamn camel jockies!" Shi-thead is also very proficient in the Oud, Gamela, Tablas, and many other instruments that nobody has ever heard of. He plays Oud for most of the songs. After he was done recording for SBR, they kicked him out of the studio refusing to pay him and then took him to the immagration office yelling "Arrest him! He's a goddamn terroist! Filthy Mexicano!!" Slow Boy Running apologized to Shi-thead but then gave him the dark truth that the ONLY reason they hired him was because his name sounded like shit-head mangina, and that is pretty goddamn funny.
The album also featured guest performances by Joe Ziwanul keyboards and various synthesizers. Joe basically replaced Norbit's part in the studio), Robert Plant (harmonica and curly hair), John Mayer ( a few guitar tracks that Ben was too drunk to perform, hand claps), Jan Hammer (turntables), Billy Cobham (midi guitar tracks), Pablo Francisco (noises), Trent Reznor (production on "Intermission" and "Autobahn Revisited), and Meg White (melodica).
During "Intermission", Trent Reznor incorperated a number of celebrities to perform bit parts. Charleton Heston, James Brown,Twiggy Ramirez, Josh Homme, Chris Robinson, Tom Hanks, Conan O'Brian, George Bush all provided voices for the various "commercials". However, none of them we're paid or told what the hell was going on when we removed the blindfold.
[edit] Future Releases
2008 - Excellence & Ethanol - In pre-productions, all titles subject to change
1. Suck My God
2. Fat Cat Falling Down
3. Guts on Rice
4. She Called Me Phillis
5. I Called Her Dad
6. Last Notice (Ironical)
7. Tit Jobs & Butter
8. My Wife From Craigslist
9. Beaver: Shoot to Kill
10. Excellence & Ethanol
Slow Boy Running's eagerly anticipated fifth studio release will be set for completion around early 2008, though the band say it could be as long as Christmas 2012 and to stop "getting all up in their shit about albums and such" Interscope reportedly dropped the band after it's strenuous session with the band recording "Unnecessary". The president of Interscope said that dealing with that band in general was "uneccessary". He has since terminated the bands 10 album contract and filed a restraining order.
Slow Boy Running decided to record produce and mix the album itself. They recorded the bulk of it in the basement Hans's father's goat brothel. Some retakes and overdubs we're done in Thomas's kitchen. In fact, the song "Fat Cat Falling Down" is written by Thomas himself about these sessions and a terrible inciident involving his cat and gravity. Rick Rubin, despite Interscope's warning, liked working with the band so much that he decided to produce the band's next album pro bono. He was paid with imported porno DVDs according to the band. The band paid for recording the album out of their own pockets. Thomas emptied out his illegitimate children's college fund and Ben sold some stocks. The band was well supported in their attempt even attracting the attention of Lou Reed and Jimmy Buffet to guest star on the song "Guts On Rice". Apparently Craig and Thomas are working together again as a successful songwriting duo writing most of the material on the album together
"We're like Rodgers and Hammerstein meets Richard Wagner, except without the talent and we don't do opera. We do like white people though." He gave a thumbs up after this quote.
The band when asked about finding another record deal said that they intend to release this new album on their own terms. They expressed interest in making the album available for download only by their personal website. Then they plan to release a "discbox" set later that year that'll include Excellence and Ethanol on CD and vinyl along with a bonus disc of unused songs such as "Beowulf", "Pregholes Anonymous", "Fur", "Ben's Song #1", "Ben's Song #2", an unreleased cover of "The Final Countdown", and other goodies. Phil expressed the bands goals in a lengthly interview how they we're trying to "stick it to the man" as the "man has stuck it to them so many times before... in the ass... without lube". Phil began to cry afterwards.
New news on the new album by Slow Boy Running has been revealed by Algar saying quotation "We are damn sure that we, like always, will write too many songs like we always do. This time instead of selling off the extra songs to frequent buyers like Bruce Springsteen (ironic how we are actually his boss), Thom Yorke, and Dave Grohl we will just release it in a box disc set box special discy box that people can buy for a reasonable price of $120. It will include the bonus disc, Excellence & Ethanol, Live at Webley Stadium: No Fags Permitted, 2 tickets to a Bruce Springsteen show, and a 12 pack of RC cola. We are also in dispute about the actual title of the songs mainly because no songs have been written so I feel it kind of Jewish to name something that isn't even of existence. Hans says that our songs or like babies and they need a name before they come out of my Mama's womb. Ben is really pushing to name all the songs "My Big Dick part 1, part 2, part 3," etc. Thomas seems to like the "My Big Dick" idea, but hopefully they are just joking. OH... Craig has some idea but uhmm... eh I fucking forget what ever that fag says. I can assure you that this new album will be really good which why we are going to charge A LOT for it. Fuck the mexicanolas! I'm out."
The bonus disc included with the discbox thingy is assumed to have the following songs
1. Ben's Song #1
2. Fur
3. Pregholes Anonymous
4. Ben's Song # 2
5. Destitute Prostitute (outtake from Unnecessary)
6. Beowulf
7. Poland In Two Weeks (left over from Vagabonds sessions)
8. The Final Countdown (another Unecessary cut)
9. Stroka Cola (back from the John days)
When the band was told about British fag-rock band Radiohead had done the same thing with their seventh studio album "Out Ranistorms (Get Inside Retard)", they said that they had this idea before "Thom Thumb was even born!" They have since been sending death threats to Radiohead's P.O. box. One of which was thought to contain anthrax but it turned out to be baby powder.
[edit] Hidden Meaning
Although the album hasn't come out yet, many SBR fans (if any) are already giving countless interpretations of the supposed "hidden meanings' within the album. These interpretations stem from the album cover and song titles alone making them grossly innaccurate and a complete waste of everyone's time. God knows how much of this bullshit is going to arise from the stupid fans the album is actually released.
- "Unnecessary" spelled backwards is the Latin word for the backwards phrase meaning "God" in French. Many chapels have arleady been built to honor this newfound and ill-conceived diety. Idiots
- People have drawn many retarded conclusions from the minimal content of the album cover.
- People have rearranged the numbers of the different tracklistings to their previous names on release dates and multiplied them by the number of songs as of April 23, which is 32 reversed which is the number of times the tracklisting has been changed which corresponds with the supposed date of the destruction of the sun multiplied by 6. DIvide by two using the golden ration and line up the number to each letter of the tracklisting as of April 30 to spell out a web link. The web link links you to the picture that inspired the band from it's origins in a stranger's garage. The band changed the site's link from "Run Fatty" to "Slow Boy Running" and the rest was history.
- "Slow Boy Running" is an anagram for "Only big nuns row". The significance of this is non-existant, which is ironic considering the fan who worked on this "time-splitting puzzle" became so enamoured in it that he shot himself. Dumbass.
What a load of crap.
[edit] EPs and Demos
Over a long time many EP's have surfaced to promote the real albums. Algar has this to say about the EP's and Demos "They suck. All of them suck and they have no point. They serve no purpose and suck. Did I mention that they suck? They are a waist of my time and they suck. Thomas keeps releaseing them and I tell not too. Get that fucking tape recorder out of my face."
2005 - Radar Love Demo
(This was SBR's mark II debut, it was the first single to feature Hans Schulmann, the performers on the demo is under scrutiny)
1. Radar Love
2. Radar Love (long version)
3. Radar Love (annoying version)
4. Radar Hate
2006 - Everlong? EP (Originally intended to be on "Banging Gongs For Vagabonds" the band decided to instead release it as a promotional single)
1. Everlong?
2. Sorry About Your Drapes (McDanielson)
2006 - Shenanery EP (Slow Boy Running tribute to the music they love. Actually the band themselves described the EP as a cheap cash in on some cover b-sides and live "crap" they had lying around. The vocal on "Teen Spirit" we're done by an unidentified young girl with Down Syndrome who was quickly rescued from SBR's posession. "Blunderball" and "Look What You've Done" we're Thomas's first recordings with guitarist Ben Mohler)
1. Smells Like Teen Spirit (Kurt Cobain, Dave Grohl, Krist Noveselic) 2. Regular Juan [live] (Josh Homme, Carlo Von Sexron) 3. Look What You've Done (Nic Cester) 4. Blunderball ( Noel Gallagher) 5. Stairway To Heaven [live] (Jimmy Page, Robert Plant)
2006 - The Mexican Song (recorded sometime after "See, The Sun Is Happy", "The Mexican Song" was a separately released single written for the then-heated debate of illegal immigration. The song was not appreciated by either side of the debate and didn't sell very well.)
1. The Mexican Song (Enchilada!)
2. (Hey Julio) Hands Off Mah Tor Tilla
2006 - Caution to the Moon People Single (Originally a concept album inspired by Thomas's fascinaiton with Japanese culture (particularly Japanese vaginas), this project never really got off the ground and ended up being released as a stand-alone single backed with another Brungardt composition about another one of his unhealthy obsessions and a small piece written by Phil about his view on the war in Iraq. After the release of this EP Algar made many attempts to murder Thomas because of his burning rage towards the EPs. Algar said "'Caution to the Moon People' what the fuck does that mean!? Die!"
1. Caution to the Moon People
2. Annananalick
3. Welcome to My Domain (McDanielson)
[edit] Chart Toppers
| Year | Title | Chart positions | Album | |||
| US Hot 100 | US Modern Rock | US Mainstream Rock | UK Singles | |||
| 2004 | "Radar Love" | # 51 | # 46 | # 71 | # 53 | See, the Sun is Happy |
| 2005 | "See, the Sun is Happy" | # 16 | # 21 | # 03 | # 07 | See, the Sun is Happy |
| 2005 | "Blitzkrieg" | # 36 | # 21 | # 10 | # 11 | See, the Sun is Happy |
| 2005 | "Experience Utopia" | # 52 | # 44 | # 42 | # 43 | For the Vagabonds |
| 2005 | "For The Vagabonds" | # 45 | # 38 | # 39 | # 38 | For The Vagabonds |
| 2005 | "Macbeth" | # 19 | # 23 | # 26 | # 31 | For The Vagabonds |
| 2006 | "Can I Have Some Rocky Road?" | # 96 | # 95 | # 99 | - | For The Vagabonds |
| 2006 | "Dicksville Notch" | # 81 | # 78 | # 69 | # 77 | Jesus to Some |
| 2006 | "Union Jack Crap Shack" | # 62 | # 59 | # 66 | # 59 | Jesus to Some |
| 2006 | "She Doesn't Love You" | # 19 | # 16 | # 15 | # 21 | Jesus to Some |
| 2007 | "Blank Check" | # 02 | # 06 | # 02 | # 10 | Unnecessary |
| 2007 | "Curves" | # 04 | # 12 | # 03 | # 19 | Unnecessary |
| 2007 | "No Ballads" | # 21 | # 32 | # 32 | # 20 | Unnecessary |
[edit] Films and DVDs
2005 - We're Going Home Live 2005
Setilst:
1. Members Only (extended jam SBR used to frequently open shows)
2. Experience Utopia
3. Plethera of Lemons
4. Hot Soup
5. Blitzkreig
6. Hello Tonight
7. Everlong?
8. Death of A Salesman
9. Stairway To Heaven (appears on the "Shenanery EP")
10. See, The Sun Is Happy
11. Regular Juan (also on the "Shenanery EP")
12. For The Vagabonds
13. Crowd Displeasure (ensued after Brungardt made an unsettling comment about Jews)
14. Cold As Ice (not intended, but played anyway to win back the crowd)
15. Macbeth
16. Radar Love (set closer - the band smashed most of their instruments making an encore difficult)
17. Montreal (encore opener - Algar ran out and started his signiture piece, despite the rest of the bands desire to "find some groupies and blow this shit-hole")
18. You Owe Me A Favor
19. Suck Me (An inspired performance medlyed into "Favor" like on the album)
20. We're Going Home (the finally, Ben played guitar while the rest of the band screamed into the mic. The song was worked in with an electric crashing version to cap the night. It was so intense three people in the audience died)
2006 - Drunken Haze
Although officially released sometime in late 2006, the movie was repealed for it's "uninspired" editing and "sub-par" consistency. It is currently in re-produciton, but due to a plethera of irrelevant footage and very little meaningful material, produciton is slow and the second official release isn't expected until late 2007.
2007 - Le Coup
Intermission (tape playing)
Eight Meters Of Peanut Bitter
Blitzkrieg
Dicksville Notch
Curves
Assinine
Macbeth
Beowulf (Thomas begin's by saying "go Normans!")
My Pillow
She Doesn't Love You
Union Jack Crap Shack
Penis Enlargement Pills
Yardstick
Paris Hilton (with Paris Hilton sex tape in background)
Experience Utopia
See, The Sun Is Happy
Blank Check
Radar Love
For The Vagabonds
encore:
Autobahn Revisited
Brown Eyed Girl (Hans is plastered by now and really hams up the shanananananana part)
Lil' Black Man
2nd encore:
Montreal
Members Only (includes It's Like Heroin (It is) )
Jen-Nay (I Love You)
Le Vie En Rose - loud and electric, really upsets the frogs
Pivotal show of the Unnecessary Tour. Slow Boy Running chose this because it was the first show they've ever done in Europe that was not interrupted by a riot. Although a riot did ensue after the show with the bands less-then-flattering rendition of Le Vie En Rose. Especially with Hans singing the entire song in German and replacing most of the lyrics with Nazi propaganda. The band stopped the riot before it got too carried away by playing some Jerry Lewis movies on the jumbotron. "It's like giving a crying baby a loli pop", Thomas recalled of the show. "Fucking Frenchies are amused by anything. No wonder they lost two wars in a row!" The riot wasn't halted before it took it's toll. Three people we're trampled to death, one roadie "fell off" the scaffolding his death,a pregnant women was beaten to death (though it is believed this occurred long after the show in the band's dressing room, and four children we're born... so it's almost a fair tradeoff.
[edit] TV Appearances
2006 - The Late Show with David Letterman, performed "Blitzkrieg"
2006 - Saturday Night Live, performed "Radar Love" and would have played "See the Sun is Happy" after but the creator of Saturday Night Live Lorne Michaels threw them off the set before they could play because Hans in the performance of "Radar Love" replaced the lyric "radar love" with "kill the jews" followed by "kill hebrews". They didn't know Lorne was jewish, and they claimed in a press release that they didn't know that Judaism was still "In".
2006 - The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, performed "Can I Have Some Rocky Road?"
2006 - The Jimmy Kimmel Show - Thomas is interviewed, he mentions how he met Oprah backstage and refers to her as a "nappy headed ho" live, Don Imus and Snoop Dog were the other guests.
2006 - Late Night With Conan O'Brian, performed "Dicksville Notch"
2006 - Dr. Phil, The band intervenes on Thomas's addiction to A-1 Steak Sauce and also weighs in on Algar's abuse of Listerine.
2007 - Last Call With Carson Daly (last TV appearance before the break up), performed "Everlong?" Hans collapsed on stage due to massive amounts of alcohol consumed before the performance. Thomas finished the rest of the song but was rather incomprehensable since his mouth was full of mustard)
2007 - PBS Bandwidth
2007 - Slow Boy Running was recently on the show Cops and were shown arrested for indecent exposure. The band kept asking the police what you call in for indecent exposure, because they got in an argument over what the meaning of the band 3-11 stands for. Thomas strongly suggested that it meant KKK becaue k is the 11th letter in the alphabet. Algar argued that it meant the police number used for indecent exposure. They bet on it and got arrested.
[edit] Awards
2004 - The Woodies ~ Best Obese Porno Incuding Pregnant Women (Ben Mohler)
2006 - Latin Grammies ~ Best New Artist (Slow Boy Running)
2006 - Mockery Darwin Awards ~ Best Attempted Suicide During Masturbation (Phil McDanielson)
2007 - The Woodies ~ Best Song For A Mastubation Scene (Can I Have Some Rocky Road?)
[edit] Useful Facts
- The band is one of the few (if not only) band to establish a world-wide fan base without playing a single show or officially releasing any material. There is some speculation as to the nature of their "fame" and that the whole thing might have been a sham. The conspiracy-threorists studying this phenomenon have all mysteriously dissapeared.
- Thomas claims to be in possession of John Lennon's melletron. This is in stark contrast with the fact that Trent Reznor has been known to own the said melletron for several years. When asked about this, Thomas realized he was misheard in saying "melletron". His actual words were he was in possession of John Lennon's "yellow thong". John Lennon was unable to be reached to confirm this claim. There's rumor that some fat guy killed him, but this is still uncomfirmed.
- The only country where the band received a number one hit is Belgium. However, this may be because "Experience Utopia" sounds a lot like the belgian phrase meaning "Happy Vagina"
- Thomas owns 76 pillows, each one claiming to be his "precious".
- Liz Phair aborted 3 of Ben's alleged children despite his relentless efforts to impregnate her.
- Anna Nalick has had to change her address four times to avoid Thomas.
- The band is noted for never thanking anyone on the liner notes of their albums. In interviews they rarley credit their style or image to any influences. According to them, every piece of music they create was "endowed onto them by God himself". Many of these interviews where done when the band was on cocaine.
- In the 9 minutes and 20 second duration of 'All Around the World' by Oasis, Thomas experienced a marriage, divorce, a black eye, and a slice of pie.
- Strangely, every member of the band was born Episcopalian.
- Thomas apparently has a tail.
- Phil McDanielson's face has never been seen in photographs. During shows, he usually wears a leather bondage mask. One groupie claims to have seen Phil's face and said about it "I've never been more terrified in my life". The groupie had before the encounter with Phil escaped Ted Bundy's basement. Regardless, she sticks by her statement.
- Willie Nelson was arrested for assault after hitting Thomas with a waffle iron because he opened for him and only did acoustic versions of Willie's songs.
- Phil wrote a biography about Ted Bundy but all publisher denied its release because he portrays Bundy in a disturbingly positive light.
- Phil is the only person ever to be arrested for sexually assulting ever cast member on "The View".
- Thomas still believes KISS plays their own instruments.
- He also believes mini-KISS play their own instruments.
- He has finally accepted that neither KISS nor mini-KISS write their own songs. It was a tearful episode in his life, but he pulled through.
- Ben Mohler's favorite guitarist is Andy Summers.
- Thomas's obsession and disregard for whammy bars has yielded three DUI's and a misdemeanor assault charge. The details of how this is possible is still unkown.
- It is under dispute whether Algar's previous occupation was that of an NHL All-Star or a circus acrobat. Recent investigation suggest he was more likely an accountant.
- Hans Schulmann is actually half-Polish, half-French and born in Argentina. He was adopted by a Hitler-youth enthusiast during his vacation in South America. It is rumoured that Hans wasn't so much adopted as he was stolen by Hans's "father".
- Thomas actually had a stomach transplant due to too much mustard.
- Algar said in a press-conference that he suffered from Necrophilia when really he ment to say he was suffering from Narcolepsy.
- Contrary to popular belief, the band's accountant Bob (or Steve, or something, who knows... or cares for that matter) did NOT suffer from SEHS. His vibrant demise was indeed self-inflicted (some believe with the help of a .44 calibur buckshot).
- Contrary to what Thomas might infer, he did not write 2/3s of (What's the Story) Morning Glory? by Oasis.
- Slow Boy Running is known for their flagrant disregard for copyrights and plagiarism. At a press conference in 2006 Thomas stated that he believed plagiarism is the “biggest form of flagellance”, a 5 year old girl in the crowd quickly corrected him by saying “Did you mean flattery?”. She was removed from the crowd and beaten with bratwurst on live television. A lawsuit is currently in process, but may not be addressed for a year or two due to the staggering amount of lawsuits already piled up against the band.
- Maddox hates Slow Boy Running. (This doesn't really set the band apart from anyone except Chuck Norris, but the band did have the pleasure of personally being spat on by Maddox as he flew by on his fire-breathing gunpowder-shitting cyclops dragon-shark)
- The musicians in Slow Boy Running play all the instrementation behind the song catalogue of The Whitest Kids U Know. They have yet to receive any money for this.
- A tampered version of "Dicksville Notch" sans vocals can be heard on faggot Aaron Carter's gay-ass movie Pop Star. The band was not compensated for the movies use on the song and are currently filing a class action suit against Carter. When asked about the suit, Carter replied, "Dicksville Notch? Is that like a gay bar in Arkansas?" Thomas has sent out an internet petition for public approval of removing Carter's genatalia. "The song-stealing Jew deserves to be castrated!" exclaimed Thomas. "Let me finish what the Rabbi started!"
- No one in the band has any idea who Oscar Wilde is.
