Smashing Pumpkins
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“ Who?”
~ Billy Corgan on James Iha and D'arcy Wretzky
“ Teacher. Brother. Secret lover.”
~ Billy Corgan on Jimmy Chamberlin
“ I'm in the what now?”
~ Jimmy Chamberlin on The Smashing Pumpkins
Contents |
[edit] History
The Smashing Pumpkins were founded in Chicago in 1988 by the brothers Fester and Gomez Addams. The band's name notoriously refers to the years of abuse Fester suffered as a boy at the hands of his father; "pumpkins" naturally being a euphamism for the testes (sadly, Fester remains childless to this day as a result of this abuse). Fester was the lead singer; Fester and Gomez both played guitar, while their assistant, Lurch, was their first drummer. Although formally a member of the metal band 'Old Man's Child, Gomez describes the early Pumpkins sound as "really f-ing creepy." Oddly, and despite the fact that the entire band were on stage, it still appeared to baffled audience members at Pumpkins' shows as if Fester was actually playing all the guitar and bass parts by himself, a phenomenon which has hitherto gone unexplained.
While attempting to promote the Pumpkins gothic sounds at a rally commemorating the birth of David Bowie, Fester Addams got into an argument with a young woman named M'orticia. During their argument, M'orticia let slip that she played guitar. A goofy smile split open Fester's pale, dough-like face; he immediately asked M'orticia if she would play bass in their band. Despite an awful try-out and her stated inability to form full sentences, he realised that the girl looked good on stage and would attract female fans (usually at the impressionable early stages of puberty). Thus the Smashing Pumpkins were born.
The next step in the band's evolution was the firing of Lurch (who continued on as a roadie) and the hiring of Thing as their new permanent drummer. Unfortunately, Thing's heroin addiction almost meant the end of the Smashing Pumpkins.
Throughout their career the Smashing Pumpkins experimented with many different styles: shoegazer, psychedelia, heavy metal, power pop, even electronica. During their most successful period, the Pumpkins released their mega hits 'The Greatest Day I've Ever Known', The Killer in Me', 'Rat in a Cage (The World is a Vampire)' and 'I Don't Even Care'. Even as Fester lost his hair and engaged in transvestism (see 'The Everlasting Gays'), Gomez made a really terrible solo album, and touring keyboardist Herman Munster died while shooting up with Thing, still the Pumpkins perservered. However, after the departure of M'orticia (who became a groupie for Darkest of the Hillside Thickets), and shortly after his heavily publicised attempt to rewrite 'Rat in a Cage' as 'Monkey from a Fucking Wire' proved to be yet another critical and commercial failure, Fester declared his heart just wasn't in it anymore, and turned his domed cranium in the direction of other pursuits. During this period he released his exhaustively researched thesis on flight, which made one of the biggest breakthroughs of the decade when it concluded "the airplane flies high." The aviation industry awarded him the pulitzer prize for this startling insight, but as they had no influence over the pulitzer prize jury he never received it.
In 2000, the Pumpkins broke up after Fester discovered the 'other' use for Gerbils, and hence had nothing left to whine about. In late 2001, Fester immediately formed a new christian rock band - Zwan - that featured Thing and David Pajo, the guitarist from Slint. "Slint is the most terrifying thing I've ever heard," said Fester. "Not half as terrifying as Guided By Voices," said guitarist Matt Sweeney, who suffers from Post-Bob Pollard Stress Disorder (PBPSD). Their album was released to mixed reviews, and soon Fester broke up his new band as well. Matt Sweeney, driven mad by this new experience, did something with Will Oldham, that has long since been forgotten to the long channels of history.
Shortly afterwards, the band broke up, citing a general decline in faked teenage angst as the primary reason. Fester has been quoted as saying: 'The kids just aren't into it anymore. I mean, it's really hard to pretend that you're still 25, especially now that I realise my life is actually rather good. I'm declaring an official end to my nasal whining... for now'.
In 2005, Fester announced he will be reunifying the Smashing Pumpkins, though since making this announcment no one has seen or heard of him. Some say he released a solo album, but only a small number of people seemed to have heard it, many of them clearly insane as shown by their ramblings in public about the "future" and terrible British indie band Embrace.
In 2006, the band reformed in the electronic medium to produce an indie-rock-mystical-enchantment album under the name Two Gallants and as of yet have been able to sell one copy to the 1337 fans on Netpooria.
Fester is currently working on the new album which is said to be very heavy, around the weight of ten elephants. Rumours about the new line-up abound though the common consensus is that there are no others, and Fester is merely pretending. The smashing Pumpkins used to allways have eightsomes with Sonic Youth ALL THE TIME.
[edit] Shitegeist
“And you think I sold out quickly?”
~ Bob Dylan on Smashing Pumpkins Releasing Sheitgeist
After one Electronic-double-concept-album too many, the hits started to dry up for the Pumpkins. Fester needed money to pay off his gambling debts, so he decided to reform the Pumpkins for one last payday. The band returned to the studio in March 2007. They emerged just 15 minutes later, having written, arranged, recorded, produced and marketed their magnum opus, Sheitgeist. The album, heralded as "Sgt. Pepper's meets Pet Sounds - for the iPod generation!" was released to a frosty reception. After poor initial sales, the Pumpkins cut a deal with McDonald's and copies of the album were given away free with Happy Meals throughout June 2007. This technically made Sheitgeist the biggest selling album of all-time and put the seal on a remarkable comeback for the Chicago posers. A sell-out tour followed for the sell-out band. A delighted Fester remarked: "we sold-out quicker than Metallica!" Sadly, their wish of selling out quicker then KISS was not achieved due to an army of 3 year olds being sent to viscously gum the action figures and commemorative cups/mugs.
[edit] Cultural Impact
Smashing pumpkins is now the favored sport of many countries in the world. It is invigorating, satisfying and, unlike most sports, results in soup. For other bands with culinary impact, see the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Mudhoney and Meatloaf.
[edit] Discography
[edit] Studio Albums
- Fish (1991)
- Siamese Cat (1993)
- Mellow Drama & the Self-Indulgent Pretentiousness(1995)
- A Door (1998)
- Micromachines (2000)
- Micromachines II/The Friends and Enemies of Hot Wheels (2000)
- Shitegeist (2007)
[edit] Compilations and EPs
- LOL (1991)
- Meth Session (1992)
- Judas Christ Superstar (1994)
- Audiophilia (1994) (Promo)
- Piles of Shit (Greatest Hits)/Judas Christ Superstar II (2001)
- 114 Songs You Won't Care About (2005)
- Arabian Gingerhead (2008)
