Snowboard
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A snowboard is a skateboard that is missing its wheels. It was invented by Tim Burton after he decided that the spoiled, angsty children of rich, WASP skiers should have a way to make themselves feel rebellious. He turned immediately to the skateboard, which had had this exact effect on the spoiled children of rich, WASP suburbanites.
Burton went to his garage and took out a skateboard that he had left from his spoiled, angsty teenage years. He took a screwdriver and removed the wheels, then transported the new device to a ski resort. He tried it out, and was immediately kicked off the mountain by the ski patrol. Having established that the snowboard could indeed make rich WASPs feel that the man had gotten them down, Burton realized that he would be able to market his idea.
Ten years later, Burton's idea is a success. The spoiled, angsty children of rich, WASP skiers of today genuinely believe that the man has got them down. They buy $300,000 snowboard suits to express this.
Snowboarding, as the practice of descending a mountain on a snowboard is now called, is now an Olympic sport. But the verb meaning "to descend a mountain on a snowboard" is "to ride" and the athlete a "rider." Top American etymologists are currently investigating this phenomenon.
In the 2006 Olympics, snowboarder...shit...rider Lindsey Jacobellis was widely criticized for trying to pull a method air on the way to the finish line in the innagural Olympic snowboardcross. She fell and finished second, leading a bunch of American sportswriters to climax as they imagined writing their reports on the subject. Jacobellis, for her part, said that the man had gotten her down, and hurried off for the shooting of her latest VISA commercial.
Jacobellis' showing contrasts greatly with the performance of Shaun Weasley, also known as The Flying Tomato by the Italian press. As the brother of Ron Weasley and Sauron Weasley, it is uncertain if The Force or any other hokey religions were employed to aid Shaun's performance. Sportswriter Han Solo remains a vocal skeptic of those levelling accusations to White, stating in an article that "hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side."
Of course, this has landed Mr. Solo in hot water, as there are now those who claim he advocates the Tanya Harding Methodology for Sports Advancement, and police are now investigating as to whether or not Han shot first.
In other news involving the advancement of snowboard riding's popularity, we have a word with world-class snowboarder extraordinaire, Michael Damyanovich:
"Yeah man, snow is dope. So is riding. Man, I am sooo stoked. Sick." Teylor Thomasson is a pro snowboarder that lives in Missouri.
