Sociology
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“The suject thatis so typical of Britain; deals with complex stuff but never gets to the beef”
~ Oscar Wilde on Sociology
Sociology, besides being that easy class in high school that all the stoners and jocks signed up for, is a popular field of pseudoscience. It is a completely politically (non)neutral field of social inquiry within which provocative lies about human psychology are/aren't made up to conform to crazy liberal political agendas. Holds that the mind is a "tabula rasa" or 'blank slate', and that human psychology is shaped primarily by cultural forces rather than biological influences. Modern sociology is based largely on the teachings of NBA basketballer and devil-hunter Shaq, who demonstrated in his seminal lectures on Turtle Morphology that biology is evil.
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[edit] The evolution of sociology: a joke that went off bad
Sociology started off as a joke among the higher class German bourgeoise, who attempted to fix the reputation of Germans as being totally impotent when it comes to humor. The project went horribly wrong from the start, but nobody wanted to take the blame, so everyone pretended they were having fun. The very first sociological theories were created by Baron Durkheim.
Quotes from Durkheim:
"I saw some people confined to a space. They must have been 'grouped' (wink, wink)" "I say, the peasantry sure knows how to 'sociolize' (wink, wink)" "Governments that have allowed education for their common people know lot of 'techniques' (wink, wink)"
This went on for years without anyone telling Durkheim that he wasn't being funny. During this time lots of very, very thick books were written by people like Durkheim. These books were mostly random words in foreign language put together, and this was apparently funny. The best known author of one of these books was Marx. His most famous work, the Capital, was named after the amount of bullshit he managed to write down on paper.
[edit] Sociology spreads
During the end of the XIX century it was noticed that only a small amount of people consider sociology funny, and it was hoped that those people will die of old age soon and the whole thing will get forgotten. Unfortunately, the sociologists themselves noticed that something's not right, and that their numbers were shrinking day by day. Thus they engaged an aggressive plan of breeding called the Heideger Programme. Children were raised in facilities and they were taught about sociology all their childhood. In 20 years, millions of sociologists were roaming the world, looking to find people who would listen to them. The rest of the world decided there was no other choice left, and started the Great War in an effort to kill all the sociologists.
After millions of deaths, in 1918 it was believed that sociology was finally rooted out, and the war efforts can be halted. What they didn't know was that most sociologosists were living in caves as part of a prank, and didn't even notice everyone was out to get them. The world was shocked in horror when in 1919 they began coming out of the caves. They couldn't restart the war effort, since 3/4 of the world's population died in Spanish bird flu earier that year.
One of the best known representatives of the new generation of sociologists were Georges Gurvitch and Lenin Stalin. These two authors excelled in writing jokes to each other. One of the most famous was by Stalin to Gurvitch, called How to dysorganize a functional socio-matic prototype in three steps (quote):
I disagree with your theory that christianity is submitting to the government. It is not submission if you want to submit. Just ask my wife (haha). I do, however, congratulate on the suberb equivallence you made between art and the material world, and hope you will "push" it further (wink, wink).
Short after the second world war, WW2, a group of French homosexuals took over the legacy of German sociology. Because homosexuals can not agree on anything, the basic theory developed in three different directions, which all discusses how human action can be explained: 1) All human actions are controlled by the allmighty God, who have created society and all humans (Claude Lévi-Strauss) Quotes from Lévi-Strauss:
" Les tous les controlles puissants de Dieu il tout. " "Excepté quand les gens dorment avec des moutons!" "(In english:) The all mighty God controlles it all," "except when people sleep with sheep!
2) All human actions are dictated by a little pixie inside your brain (Sartre)
Quotes from Sartre:
"Non, non, non ! Écoutez vers le haut de... " "Il y a un un petit lutin à l'intérieur de votre " "cerveau qui indiquent ce que vous devriez faire."
3) And all human actions are controlled by your social heritage. (Bourdieu) Quotes from Bourdeiu:
"(American translation) If your mother was a crack-whore." "Your mothers-mother was a crack-whore. " "And your mothers-mothers-mother was a crack-whore" " - there's a pretty good chance that YOU also are a crack-whore!"
[edit] CRISIS! in Sociology
Sociology is struggling with not being a unified field of study.
CAUSES:
1) In part this is due to Comte's statement that 'sociologie will explain the course of human history'. To which sociologists ever since have replied "WTF?!?!" This has been called the "SHE's SO HEAVY" problem by John Lennon.
2) Many place blame upon the fact that many sociologists don't want to engage in a scientific debate. Many Sociologists would rather issue edicts, rather than test their hypotheses versus those of their detractors. This has been called the "I'm smarter than you are" phenomenon.
3) Also seen as a central problem is the inability to jettison old theories that don't really work. Marx's "Labor theory of Value" is commonly taught in sociology classes, though it is empirically false. Similarly Marx's "Theory of Revolutions" is still taught, though a revolution has never occurred in the manner Marx described. Marxist apologists claim that you can't prove him wrong because it has not yet happened. This however returns us to the "I'm smarter than you are" phenomenon and also completely throws science out the window (falsifiability, anyone?). Many reformers in the discipline are criticized for "making my head hurt" or being "too sciencetific".
Sociology may yet overcome this crisis, but only through adoption of cat-toast antigravity.
[edit] Branches of sociology
Sociology developed numerous branches that specialized in their own way of inventing completely unfunny jokes. The most famous are:
- Dysfunctionology - everything is explained with sentences like "it doesn't work because", "this dysfunction is caused by" and the word "erection"
- Conflictism - sociologists of this branch think it's funny to offend people. They say things like "You're poor? Haha, that's because you're ugly!"
- Unnaturalism - they mostly talk about sexual positions that are difficult to imagine by normal people; mostly Germans and Japanese in this group
- Devolutionsm - these people firmly believe that humans will one day turn into apple trees, so they make funny gardens to make the future generations laugh. Sometimes these gardens get trashed by followers of conflictism, in an effort to cause conflict
- Nonmodernism - these are the people who feel confused about living somewhere in time. Their conception of society rests in living in a peanut, an eggplant, or a pint of beer.
- Elitists - these people want to maintain the pure principles of the original sociology, and they talk in extremely complicated ways so no one would understand them. They still maintain a breeding programme
[edit] Quotes from famous Sociologists
“You don't need to know biology to know the mind.”
~ Ozzy Osbourne on The mind
“The psychology of every other animal on earth is permeated with adaptive mechanisms, making them evil communist slaves. But luckily as it happens, we're completely different”
~ Gary 'developmental plasticity' Coleman on Sociology
“After years of study, I've come to one conclusion: I just really fucking hate people”
~ Most sociologists on their jobs
- Sociology contrasts with Evolutionary psychology and Cooliology.
