Soft drink
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A Soft Drink is a dangerous substance that could induce 'sobering up'. This dangerous condition can cause heightening of reality, inability to talk like a drunk, and makes women appear as ugly as they are. Such drinks need to be consumed with caution, or preferably with vodka.
The addition of alky-hol to any soft drink makes it safe for consumption, and vastly improves the flavor of noxious substances such as kool-aid.
The famous legal case brought against the makers of StinkpopTM in 1982 proved that soft drink consumption does indeed make women impotent. 72 women brought the class action against the company after being unable to produce an erection. They received $100,000 in damages, and Stinkpop was taken off the market. Since then it is mandatory that all soft drinks include the disclaimer "This substance may make your mojo fail".
The subject of Pop versus Soda has arisen many times. However, Oscar Wilde was the one to finally end the debate with his cataclysmic phrase:
“I drank pop once. My abdomen exploded. I wouldn't recommend pop, as I am now abdomenless. Soda, however, is much more clean, environmentally friendly, and can teach your kids how to pay their taxes.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Soda versus Pop
[edit] List of Soda
Dr. Eggman invented soda. Here is a list of soda:
- Silk Worm Soda
- Bort Soda
- Old Man's Horrible Breath Soda
- Dandruff Soda
- Ratmind Soda
- Seventeen weeks old minced meat Mold Soda
- Mammal Walking Having Peculiar Smell Soda
- The smell of Chinese public toilet Soda
- Soda Who is a noobie here. Will you please adopt her?
- Old mustard bottle Soda
- Dylon's Honey flavored sock Soda
- Old car engine smell and dirty underwear Soda
- Sunfart Soda
- Armpit and Woopie (A&W) Soda
- Farts and Burp smell Soda
- Your mom
[edit] List of soft drinks
- Any food that can be consumed with a straw. e.g. milk, jello, or mashed potatoes
- Any beverage with less than 40% alcoholic content
- A cowardly drink, such as soy milk
- Stored in cans made from recycled Robots.
- American beer
- Bacon in a Bottle
- Breastmilk
- Coca Cola
- Fecal E.Coli
- Kool-aid
- Mountain Dew, the Nectar of the Gods
- Mosquito semen
- Soilent Green (People)
- Urine
- Dr Smooth a.k.a "your to cheap to buy the real shit"
The most dangerous type of soda know to man is Algorth Soda, This soda has side effects of:
Trying to cool down a nice a toasty planet Making bad movies about global warming and, the most serious, Trying to summon capt. Planet by chanting the words backwards until Capt. Planet has the power to over take chuck norris. This well then cause a mass global freezing and less garbage men.
