Sony Jesus
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Sony Jesus/Bruce Allan was born in Italy in 1983, blessed by God to command over simple shapes, such as circles and triangles. While this made him the kid to beat at noughts and crosses, it did cause problems with Italian class.
Italian class. You know, like English class, but for Italians. They read literature and pick it to death.
Anyway, after failing Italian, Sony Jesus/Bruce Allan was looking at a future of kitten huffing when his unique talents were recognised by Sony Computer Entertainment Europe, who promptly put him to work in the marketing department for their new computer game console. His ability to insert simple geometric shapes into the company's ads saved the company a fortune and allowed them to fire most of their marketing team in 2002.
Sadly, as the entire marketing division for SCEE, Sony Jesus/Bruce Allan' power went to his head, greenlighting expensive advertising campaigns for games such as Primal. Sony Jesus/Bruce Allan' height of hubris came when he began inserting his own image into marketing campaigns, such as the widely decried advertising campaign for Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and the campaign above marking ten years of the Playstation brand. After a prompt backlash from various old people, SCEE fired Sony Jesus/Bruce Allan and rehired a new marketing team, who had been previously working on George Foreman's line of cookware. The early released advertising campaigns for the latest model Playstation confirm that the new marketing team haven't yet adjusted to the change.
| Fear their wrath, and beware their confusing names. If you are confused about which one you want, it's probably Original Jesus. | ||
| Sony Jesus: With a Playstation Crown of Thorns | Invented economic theory: Supply-side Jesus | |
| Jesus of Nazareth: Singer and Songwriter | The Passion of the Jew: Kyle Broflovski | |
| Dark Jesus: Parallel Universe Jesus | Something musical: The Artist Formerly Known As Jesus | |
| Jesus Christ - Alcoholic: Just like daddy. | Member of the Carpenters: Jeez | |
| King Jesus: That's sire to you, boy | Semi-Jesus anthropormorphic personification:Messiah | |
| Purple Jesus: International Man of Mystery and funkmaster extraordinare | Working class hero and modern day sage: Jesus Fucking Christ | |
| Pirate Ninja Jesus: Bringing Peace to Pirates and Ninjas | Sabbath Night Fever: Disco Jesus | |
| Super Jebus: Western Sydney pimp | He screams! He sells! His head EXPLODES! Billy Mays | |
| Jesus Marx: Illegal Commie Clone | Elemental Jesus: Je (element) | |
| Republican Jesus: Has a "W" sticker on his SUV | An alpha prototype Christ: Jesus 1.5a | |
| Hide and Go Jesus: The hardest one to find | That one in that band...Nightmare Cinema or something: Jesus LaBrie | |
| Hardcore Jesus: Two-Stepped his way to Hardcore-heaven | Moshed his way to Metal-heaven: Metal Jesus | |
| Jihad Jesus: جهاد عيسي | Raise one family and you will be a believer: Pet Jesus | |
| Stephen Colbert: Smiting Bears for in God's name | Patron Jesus of Crocodiles: Steve Irwin | |
| Ultimate Jesus: Designed by God to be the ultimate fighting machine | He's blonde, cultish, and believes in racial purity. No, it's not a Nazi, it's: Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints | |
| MC Jesus: The Jewish Rap Sensation | Blue in hue and bereft of beard too: Bizarro Jesus | |
| Lobster Jesus: Boiled for your sins! | Bow to ye savior or walk the plank ye scurvy dogs: Captain Jesus | |



