Soul

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search
      Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Seoul?


One of many souls being sold on Ebay daily.
One of many souls being sold on Ebay daily.
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Soul.


Few people believe that souls in the bible are basically creatures made of dust (like dust bunnies) vitalized by God's Spirit (it's just breath) running through blood and can either refer to animals (yes, humans too), the body itself, or the mind (psyche) which includes thoughts and emotions (which are merely neurological).


Contents

[edit] Your Soul (Yourself)

The Soul comes to exist when a creature takes their first breath. When the body dies, it's in a dormant state until they are ressurected. Many people have been allegedly deluded by a Serpent that said "you won't really die" if you rebel against the life-giving laws of the Cosmos (aka God's laws) and Earth became doomed to extinction until Jesus defeated the selfish life-rebeling nature and death. Selfish pride, which often manifests as Lucifer, is what separates souls from God and they become psychotic and eventually die (ceasing to exist). In spite of the fact that it's really the person's free choice that invites selfish pride in the first place, people often don't take responsibility for their own actions (duh! they're proud) and blame demons, which are actually busy posing as what people call "ghosts" to seduce ignorant innocent people and then attack them.

Doppelgangers are demons that assume the identities of souls, even after they have died. These demons often like to possess other people and make people think they are reincarnations. Apparently demons are pissed because God made us to replace them.

[edit] Sale of Souls

Contrary to popular belief, humans can mindlessly sell their soul to satan. These people are dead men walking, like most politicians (usually republicans), or the undead, which are people addicted to anything, or IB students. Are you one of these people? Are you a dying soul? Feeling left out? Go leech on good people out of envy! bwahahahah! You'll have them sold to the devil if you catch them off guard in a jippee!

Satan and his minions like to steal the identity of souls by overshadowing them and then pose as them when they die. They love to do that, they think it's sexy. They specially love to attatch themselves to you with a silver cord so you can see through their eyes and make you hallucinate what people call "astral travel" or out of body experiences, which are dreams of the devil! If they were visions from God then you would notice that you and the spirit are two different entities.

Politicians commonly sell their soul to attain positions of power, as do movie and music star-wannabes who don't have a bit of talent in their body. Jessica Simpson and her sister Ashlee Simpson are famous for having sold their soul to get record deals. Paris Hilton is known to have sold the souls of all the people hired by her father as well as her own to be able to get a movie and record deal (Satan has stated that he felt ripped off). Tim Allen is reported to having soled his soul to Satan in order to get his own TV show. But, of course, that didn't make him funny.

Warning: souls sold to the devil shall surely die!

[edit] Where do the Souls go?

Many Christians actually believe that when you die or sell your soul, your soul is released from your body. Your soul then travels to a DMV-type facility called Purgatory where a little man judges the actions you have made in your lifetime and decides where you go based on your actions. These people are sincere...sincerely deluded.

Luckily there are Christians that know the souls are merely creatures made of dust which are vitalized by spirit. At death, the soul returns to dust and will either be annihilated by divine fire on their own grave if they were an evil-minded life abusers (especially a pedophile priest!) or be resurrected to paradise in heaven if they were good people (whether religious or not).

However, there is often a discrepancy over where a person's soul goes when they die. Chuck Norris recently came up with a list of such locations, although many scientists have died proving this theory, as the only entity other than Chuck Norris capable of returning from beyind the grave is a grue. When approached for comment, a grue stated that, BBBBBLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGG!!!! Shortly after this, he ate our reporter, leaving the question of the heaven/hell/other debate still unsolved.

[edit] The Chuck Norris Report

Chuck Norris found that there are a number of places for the soul to reside after the resurrection to eternal life, although some are more pleasant than others. (Kind of like apartmental housing).

Personal tools
In other languages
projects