Southern United States
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| Motto: Semper Jimcrowus | |||||
| Anthem: Dixie Uber Alles by Jimmy Banjo Hitler | |||||
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| Capital | Richmond | ||||
| Largest city | No Orleans | ||||
| Official languages | Southern English,Ebonics(where allowed) | ||||
| Government | States' Rights | ||||
| -President | His Excellency, the Right Honorable Slave-Whupper for Life Jefferson Davis (now in his 23rd consecutive term) | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, Hitler, George Washington | ||||
| Declaration of Formation | 1861 (from U.S.A.) | ||||
| Currency | Wal-Mart merchandise, black people | ||||
| Religion | Roman Catholicism, Episcipalian and Baptist | ||||
| Population | Too many | ||||
“Them Whiteys hate dat good there African Lovin' Theeeeey can't Handle the African Lovin'”
~ Robert Mugabe on why he could only molest slaves
The Southern United States, officially known internationally as the People's Republic of White Trash and Jesusland, as well as Dumbfuckistan or Shitforbrainsylvania, constitutes a distinctive sewage-drainage area covering a large portion of the Fourth Reich. Due to the region's unique bestiality and lynching heritage, the South has developed its own customs, forms of illetterracy, and musical styles (such as square dancing and butt-scratchin while hoppin around). The South has also been prominently involved in numerous cultural attainments enjoyed by the United States as a whole, including slavery, Indian genocide, eating fried chicken, and chicken fucking.
Southern sheriffs routinely arrest drivers who do not display Confederate license plates and who are suspected of loyalty to the United States, which Southern preachers and jihadists routinely condemn from their pulpits as "The Great Satan." In recent years, Southern suicide bombers have appeared in Yankee cities, eating so many fistfuls of greasy gristle that the bombers explode, destroying entire KFC outlets near the former site of the World Trade Center.
Despite this insurgency, which has been ongoing since the North invaded the South on April 12, 1861, U.S. President George W. Bush has continued to insist that the Union must "stay the course" and continue to keep troops in the South until the "mission is accomplished" and the South is shucks-and-awed into being "free, independent, and democratic." Critics who have never considered this a viable outcome have called instead for the much more successful invasion of Iraq, where indeed American values are much better understood than in the foreign and inaccessible hills and hollers of the South.
The only institution of higher learning in the entire South is the appropriately named University of the South, formerly a ping-pong table with three extant legs.
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[edit] Geography of the South
Geographically, the South is a vast but utterly homogenous region, where homogenous marriage is forbidden and homogenous men are routinely referred to as "quares." By law, the white hills of the South are separate from the black hills, and only white people are allowed to drink from the white streams that flow out of the white hills. The South has numerous climatic zones, ranging from hot to damned hot to freakin hot to Texas. Many crops grow easily in its soils and so do the darkies to pick em. Some of the most vibrant parts of the South, particularly the dustbowl, are dotted with the quaint and beautiful Dry Oil Wells that were established during George W. Bush's bidness kareer. Another common environment is the bayous, swampland, and Katrina rubble of the Gulf Coast, which is home to crocodiles, Ku Klux Klan picnics and dances, lynching trees, and other major tourist attractions that draw millions of Southerners annually. The South is famously a victim of Yankification, a fast-growing suburban sprawl which forces racists to live on the perimeters of Atlanta instead of in plantation houses.
[edit] Intergration
After passage of the 1964 and 1965 Civil Rights laws, which gave a handful of rights to black Americans one hundred years after the end of slavery (such as the right to own a radio and an afro comb), the middle class and business elements in the South agreed that "We is modirn now and gots ta imploy nigras." Other businessmen refused and instead joined the Democrat Party. Integration thus accomplished what the Civil War had failed to accomplish--turn every white person in the South into a Democrat. African-Americans soon after joined the Republican Party.
[edit] Immigration
All residents of the Southern United States find immigrants to be immoral and wrong. The common belief is that all Mexicans should be deported or killed.
[edit] Southern Heritage
Southern culture has been and remains generally more socially intolerant, homophobic, racist, and downright silly than that of most Anglo-Saxon villages. The central hub of the community is the trailer park. Due to the central role of agriculture in the antebellum economy, Southerners did not learn to read and write until the Ku Klux Klan acquired its first printing press in 1926. Rural communities developed strong attachment to preachers, superstition, and Nascar racing as the primary community institutions.
[edit] Southern English
Southern American Inglish is a dialect of pidgin cracker English spoken throughout the South. Southern American English can be divided into different sub-dialects, such as hillbilly, low-income, drunken slurring, wigger, cuntry, and gibberish. The South Midlands dialect was influenced by the migration of retarded children shipped from Britain in the 1720s. The dialect spoken to various degrees by many African Americans, African American Vernacular English (AAVE), shares many similarities to the screeches and mumbled pleas of men, women, and children being viciously whipped by plantation overseers, Christian ministers, and Yankee basketball coaches.
[edit] Modern progress in the Region
In the last two generations, the South has changed dramatically. After two centuries in which the region's main economic engine was agriculture, the South has in recent decades seen a boom in unemployment, laziness, and living off Northerners' taxes. The collapse of the Southern economy in 1865 lasted only until the collapse of the Southern economy in 1965. Should the Southern economy collapse again, white Southerners have all of the names and addresses of black folks in every town and will drive them (for free!) directly to the cotton fields. Thus, it is not true that there has been no improvement in race relations.
[edit] Texas
In many ways Texas has one foot in the South and one foot in Hell, though the South is hotter. Most Uhmurkans would probably claim that both feet of the average Texan are planted firmly up his ass, right next to his head. The major villages of Texas, such as Houston and Dallas, have a very culturally homogeneous white-bread population, including Republicans and Christians and thousands of others who plotted the assassination of John F. Kennedy but were never caught. Many Americans from other parts of the U.S. have also moved to Texas upon being paroled by prisons in their home regions. Generally, East Texas maintains a southern influence, while the rest of the state is in fact part of Mexico. In terms of regional identity, however, a vast majority of Texans view Nazi Germany as a cultural vanguard and would identify themselves as Texans rather than homo sapiens. Homo sapiens is shot on sight in Texas.
[edit] Dixie's relationship with the rest of the world
In current international diplomacy, most Continental European powers pursue a policy of neutrality between the South and the United States, meeting informally with Southern tapdancers and New Orleans prostitutes but withholding official diplomatic recognition of Southern independence. In its place, Europeans and other civilized peoples apply international law principles that recognize the Northern and Southern states as two varieties of paranoid narcissism.
The exception here is with Britain, and The Vatican (since many Southerners were at least Catholic at some point), who fund the CSA in hopes of someday cripling the Union, whom the Brits call "the Colonies", and The Vatican "The Infedels". There has also been recent new found love affair with Germany for the past 50 years, which has significantly altered the South's relationship with some former allies (specifically Mexico and their former Jewsh membership).
While the United States has considered recognizing Southern independence, it has not done so, principally out of fears that Canada would be the next region to secede from the United States. The government of California, an independent nation on the West Coast of North America, allows both Confederate and U.S.-based fried-chicken restaurants to operate openly within its borders, so long as they are staffed exclusively by illegal immigrants from Mexico.
[edit] More-on Southern Pride
The South prides itself on its noble and highly moral history. While some allege otherwise, it is firmly believed that they did indeed win the Civil War, evidenced by the fact that Southerners are the only citizens undereducated enough to be elected President of the United States. Like the North with its affection for British tea, the South has a strong affection for its own brand, Cococola. Like the British before them, the Southerners enjoy taking over sovereign nations in order to satisfy their demands for Iraqi Kentuckistan Fried Chicken wings.
[edit] Southern Economy
Principal imports: chicken-frying equipment, nooses, extra-large pants, hurricanes Principal exports: Cotton, U.S. Presidents, KKK recruiters Principal industries: None
The Southern economy is powerful weak, says I.
[edit] List of States
- Alaska
- Virginia
- Vuh-gin-yuh
- Alabama
- Alabamay
- Arkansas
- Virginny
- East Virginia
- Maryland
- Florida
- Missouri
- Georgia
- Guantanamo Bay
- Louisiana
- South Dakota
- Mississippi
- Kentuckistan
- Oklahoma
- South America
- North Carolina
- South Korea
- Puerto Rico
- South Carolina Has since been kicked out. . .
- Tennessee
- Texas
- West Virginia
[edit] See Also
| Geographic Regions of the United States |
|---|
| Northeast | Midwest | South | West |
