Space is minty fresh

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Packet of Momints in close approach to Phobos, largest moon of Mars. Stickney Crater is seen to the left.

Although scientists continue to speculate on the shape and extent of space, new research with the Hubba Bubba Space Telescope has confirmed one fact not anticipated by either classical or relativistic physics: space is minty fresh.

Hubble photograph of a group of Breathsavers mints in orbit (at the stable Lagrangian Point L4) around an unnamed rocky planet in a solar system near Fomalhaut.

Preliminary calculations indicate that a given volume of space is occupied by approximately 10²³ cubic pounds of breath mints, candy mints, face mints, anal mints, and other types of mints.

"Astronomers have long speculated that space contains dust, 'dark matter', and other annoyances" said NASA astrophysicist Gus Nearling "but until now we were unaware that it was so packed with mouthwatering minty freshness".

A colossal packet of Dentyne Mints, over 13,00 AU in diameter, in transit across the disc of star XUB-3114. Note stellar flare at right.

"This is unanticipated" continued Nearling. "Classical Newtonian physics had indicated that space was either empty, or was filled with individually wrapped slices of American cheese; while Einstein's theory postulated that the universe is in fact a colossal water pump for the cooling system of a hypothetical n-dimensional 1969 Ford Fairlane".

A package of Certs in the 'new look' package, in orbit around the red supergiant Betelguese in the constellation Orion.

A consortium of scientists from NASA, the European Space Agency, and that guy down the hall continue to study the photographs, hoping to find an answer to man's most basic questions about the cosmos, such as: is Certs a breath mint or a candy mint?

A swarm of Eclipse Mints being drawn toward the huge black hole at the center of our galaxy. Matter around black hole is accretion disk of dust and bugs.