Spain
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âWhy couldn't Christopher Columbus discover it?â
~ Pablo Neruda on Spain
âA Siesta before the Fiestaâ
~ Oscar Wilde on Spain
âÂĄMe gusta! Mucho.â
~ spanish guy on Spain
âWhy didn't mom pay more attention to us ;(â
~ Latin America on Spain and how the relationship was nothing like America and its mother England
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| Motto: "We are not in any way associated with Mexico" | |||||
| Anthem: Bringing Down the House by Chuck Jones | |||||
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| Capital | Madrid | ||||
| Largest city | Madrid | ||||
| Official languages | Mexican | ||||
| Government | Constitutional Monarchy | ||||
| -President | José Luis Flying Shoes Zapatero | ||||
| -King | Antonio Banderas | ||||
| Favorite Musical Instrument | Spanish guitar | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Picasso, Cervantes, DalĂ Alejandro de la Vega (Zorro) | ||||
| Declaration of Formation | 15th Century | ||||
| Currency | They have begun to notice the strange existence of some weird currency called the Euro, though they continue to count in Pesetas | ||||
| Religion | Catholic & Muslim Timeshare | ||||
Spain, derivate of Ass Pain, is a country located in southwestern Europe. It was discovered in the late 80s by Jacques Delors. Tell me something I donât know, right? Well first off, its okay to feel sorry for Spain since it shares itâs borders with France, someplace called Andorra where rich people hide out, and a country that owes Spain two months rent called Portugal. Spain, like your family is constantly at war with itself and others around it.
Why should you travel to Spain this year instead of the Bahamas? Letâs find out together.
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[edit] While You Were Asleep in History Class
Let me catch you up on what youâve missed so far. Spain was a peaceful place until civilized man appeared. The Carthaginians under Hannibal were hanging out in Spain until 210 B.C. when the Roman Empire showed up and kicked them out. Your teacher, Mrs. Jenkins told Mark Ingram that if he was going to chew gum he had to do it quietly.
The Romans held control of things until these bad asses called the Visigoths showed up. Matt who sits behind you gave Becky the âGoth Chickâ an unpracticed *letâs go to the bed look* at the mention of the Visigoths.
In the 8th Century all that came to an end when Muslims (who liked to be called Moors) quickly slaughtered the Visigoths. The Moor's set about Islamicising spain by covering it with minarets, tranquil gardens and fragrent orange groves. However their constant beautification of the country left them little time for military preparation.
For the next seven hundred years warfare between Christians and Muslims occurred as Christians pushed everybody who didnât think like them out the door.
I canât stress enough the social implications of a jock like Matt even considering dating Becky. That would be like Holy Roman Emperor Charles V asking out Roxelana the only legal wife of Suleiman the Magnificent on homecoming weekend.
[edit] The Hotness of Imperial Spain
Joanna the Mad styled âHer Royal Hotnessâ HRH, helped unify several lonely bachelors and create the Kingdom of Spain that we know today. Joanna liked the rough stuff more than ruling the country, and feigned schizophrenia so her relatives would keep her locked up.
Phillip the II followed up this act with hitting the low countries hard. So hard in fact that they named the Phillipines after his exploits. Several thousand G.I.âs would follow his example in WWII.
While Conquistadors were busy interbreeding with the peoples of Latin and South America the Spanish Inquisition started their first season run on state television. Napoleon invaded was kicked out, and the Spanish Civil War caused everyone a headache. Things were just starting to go right again when a large, unkept penis named Francisco Franco came along.
[edit] Orienting Yourself in Spain
Bar-theh-loh-nah is the first city you need to check out. Donât bother renting a car; navigating the streets in this city are tougher than getting a piñata full of candy away from your blind six year old cousin.
Some bastards from this region of Spain believes they are part of their own nation called Catalonia. Feel free to remind them that Barcelona is not Europe, and you will get drunk and urinate in the street just as freely here, as you would in Paris.
You probably missed the 1992 Olympics because you were in grade school, but donât worry all those fancy hotels they built are still there waiting to overcharge you for a toothbrush, shampoo, and late night entertainment.
"Basque"-ing in self worship must mean your in Basque country, and hitting the tapas bars a little too hard. If you can sober up; visit the village of San FermĂn for the running of the bulls. Nowadays the happy Spanish People and their politicians
Here are some helpful tips to guide you through this event:
- When running from the bulls always tap the nearest one on the head for good luck.
- Bulls love to be taunted with exposed genitals.
- Drink a gallon of chocolate milk twenty minutes before the race.
- Instead of running, why not make it a leisurely jog?
- Only tourists leave the race when in danger of being gored.
[edit] usefull phrases in spanish
could you please move = sal de mi puto camino (sal di me poo-tow cam- in- o),
Waiter = Maricon (Mar-e-cone)
Would you like a somthing to drink = chupame la polla (chew-pa-me la po-ya).
Could you please move = sal de mi puto camino (sal di me poo-tow cam- in- o)
Europa 
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Categories: Countries | Spain | Europe
