Speaking backwards/Forwards

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“Whatever you say, man.”

~ Oscar Wilde on speaking backwards

Narration wanted
In order to appreciate this article, you may want to listen to a recording of this article being read out, played backwards. You might want to

try this one, but Jesus does not approve.

Try it, it's fun!

Speaking backwards is fun if you knew what you were saying. We all hear of backwards messages from the devil in some songs, but that hasn't really been taken to the next level such as having daily conversations backwards or writing Uncyclopedia articles that can only be comprehended by playing it backwards. This is a shame since even Jesus himself advocated speaking backwards and noting it as the path to heaven. And we all know we want to go to heaven.

Speaking backwards has since only been heard in small societies of extremely fundamentalist Christians often called the Susiege faw S'rerkeeps-h'kab (Back-speakers of Jesus) and between butchers to comment on their customers' asses. I am gay.

This article may sound Overly Australian. Pommies may pronounce mate meht. Canucks and Yanks may not be able to pronounce anything at all. The world's gonna convert to 'Straylyan, strewth!

[edit] How to speak backwards

So you want to learn how to speak backwards? There is one simple thing you got to know, and that is you cannot ever know how to do it. Only the select few born with this ability are ever able speak backwards, and everybody else is doomed to only be able to copy what they say, mindlessly. As such, born backwards speakers are set to take over and rule the world.

Stephen Hawking, on the other hand, with his electronic voice is one exception as all his speeches contain hidden subliminal messages embeded in his usual talk. This gives him the unbelievable power to mind-control people.

In fact, by reading this article, you are contributing to the global movement to what will be known as the Backwards Age where people will not only be speaking backwards but do everything backwards, too. You may be worried about shitting backwards, but trust me, it's not that bad.