Splatter damage

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“God listens to Slayer, and Splatter Damage”

~ God on Splatter Damage

Splatter Damage came about from the chronic masturbation of one Timo Stray and the Masterchief, who totally digs this shit. Yeah the chief himself thinks this band rules. It is clear that this band is on another fucking level.

[edit] The Tale

The tale of the Splats is long, but not really. Timo Stray met the Masterchief on a routine mission to Amsterdam to deliver 47 longnecks to the Ice Queen, when they fell through a trap door and landed in a subterrainian music thingy...and it was bad. All the music there was gay shit that sucked balls and wore tight jeans, and was just plain bad. God came back from the john and told the two that it was there destiny to make good music for the future generations to use to drown out the sound of whining little bitches whining about gay shit. And so the long quest to find a line up begun. Members came, members left, members died and some members exploded in heavily populated streets after eating spaghetti grenades. Of the aftermath the 2 protagonists and founding members were all that was left, but luckily the Masterchiefs half brothers half sisters biological 2nd cousins step uncles sisters other sisters brothers best mate who is also of some relation to them was visiting from Neptune for the imaginary Fifth Season (which as yet is unnamed but is located between winter and spring and the sky turns green). Bam-Bam, as he was known in his hey-day, and even now, in his twilight years, was added to the lineup behind the myriad of trashcans.

[edit] The Tale of the band

The band picked out the roles and got to writing rockin' tunes. Timo Stray the cat manned lead axe shreds and keys of death, The Chief himself constructed a guitar out of the bones of dead covenant aliens and took on rhythm guitar but was quick to also commandeer bass duties as he found one of Lemmy's old 4-strings in the belly of a sperm whale. Bam Bam took on drummage and percussion. The band started writing shit that made other bands go "hey....stop writing that shit...its good." to which the band replied "hey...shutup" and threw feces at the emos and hardcore fan boys who fled from their poop. The band eventually built up a rep of around 15 songs and started playing at exotic locations, which twas the style at the time; the most popular being the Olde Ghoste Towne on the outskirts of the Olde Ghoste City and in the lair of the Giant Catfish of Sundletan, which gave the band many perks including free apple cider from old people. The band became increasingly popular and awesome, the awesomeness cannot be denied, not at all.

[edit] Now What?

The band continues to play their rockin' anti-trend tunes to the baby ducks and bunnies and robins and all other creatures of the cuddly forest...and people who dig their shit. They are also proven to be the single biggest export Earth has, since the Galactic Republic just downloads all the other good shit earth has to offer, like Anal Cunt...who sound nothing like Splatter Damage. Timo bobcat Straymonster and Bam Bam thankyouma'am occasionally switch roles for shows and orgys, and Masterchief; to throw people off the scent, now goes under the name of "some guy" and formed the Psychedelic Flamenco Punk band "Terrapin"...who also rock.