Spleen
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“How come I don't get one of those?”
~ Alex Celi on being and emo-spleenless-receding hair noob
“What the hell is a spleen?”
~ George Washington on not knowing anything
“I'm not quite sure. Check Wikipedia.”
~ Captain Oblivious on the above quote
“Ach! Mein spleen!”
~ Hitler on being punched in the spleen
Established in 1785, The Spleen is the 8th organ in the Human body, used to recycle blood that runs around the alcohol stream in the body. It directly affects singing ability, absence can result in catastrophic occurrences see Natural Disasters.
The spleen was invented in 1785 by Doctor Samuel J. Spleen and his assistant Roland King (also the founder of MySpleen, an infamous Internet shock site). He did not, at first, recognise its market value. He first started selling spleen identification kits in 1999 to Jesus in central Cambridge. It was not until he moved to London that his career really began to take off with the invention of the Spleen-o-matic. This device was deemed to 'rock'.
The Spleen-o-Matic was a curious device that allowed members of the public to edit their own spleens to their personal preferences, thus creating a form of hyperspleen. Unfortunatly, editing spleens leads to errors in recombinant DNA sequences causing a buildup of MSG in the splytnik ganglion. Since the invention of the Spleen-o-Matic, a whole new medical technology has arisen involving ganglionic catheters enabling people to vent their spleen at will. Although this caused more problems than it solved.
Unfortunately, with the build-up of MSG, the brain's regulation of the spleen may become unstable. In rare cases, this may lead to Spontaneous Spleenular Explosion (SSE), a condition where conflicting neural impulses cause the spleen to explode with considerable force. Often this can lead to total discharge of the viscera through the torso or left armpit, and in rare cases, has been known to destroy small buildings such as McDonalds.
It is wise not to use the spleen-o-matic unless you have a degree in Spleenology or Maths. Click here to order your degree and purchase a spleen-o-matic.
Currently there is some contention from the RIAA, MPIAA, and AAAAAAAA groups about the validity of the patents for the spleen, particularly since open source software groups have released a firmware upgrade that allows the spleen to make exact copies of HD-DVD and Blu-ray discs while chanting a string of hex numbers to overcome the AACS encryption. Unfortunately, using the speen to copy ordinary CDs and DVDs only results in massive blood loss and a trip to ER.
Current research suggests some Germans may have more than one spleen, perhaps cloned by drinking quicksilver from a thermometer at a very young age. However, this is a very controversial theory, and just like evolution and gravity it is only just a theory and cannot be proven, unlike the rival truth "MAGIC MAN DONE IT."
