Spoon
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No spoons are "too big". The spoon was created by the russians whom hated forks. they didn't like forks because it wasn't round enough to symbolize Micheal, there spanish god of eating.They regularly used there spoon to eat and at the same time honor there god Micheal Soon the russians started having afros because it like the spoon was round enough to symbolize Micheal. the German hair stylists only liked spiked hair and started to rebel against this dumb hairstyle and thus started war against the russian hair stylists using forks to cut their afros but eventually the russians won and are today known as great barbers.
“There is no spoon.”
~ Bald Kid on Spoon
“Rest assured that if you can hold it and scoop things with it, then there is a spoon.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Spoon
“Ah, but am I not the superior utensil ?”
~ Fork on Spoon
“No way! I am the king of utensils!!!!”
~ Spork on Spoon
“This is not a fork!”
~ Captain Obvious on Spoon
“He does this hawt thing with spoons in the bed!”
~ Mark on Michael's Sexual Acts with Spoons
“There is no fork.”
~ Spoon Boy on Bendable utensils
“SPOON ME!”
~ The Incredibly Gay Guy on Sexy utensils
“SPOOOOOOOOOOONGUARD!!!”
~ Internet on Spoon
“How I dream of your rust...”
[edit] Spoon trivia
-If something is exposed to spoons e.g. A Cat. It may become bat fuck insane for the rest of its life.
-Spoons are occasionally used for masturbation by sick-minded individuals. Hairbrushes are also sometimes used.
-In 2002 a group of vigilante scientists bent on making the world a better place through whatever means necessary crossbred spoons and forks to create sporks. They pwn.
-Jesus used to meow at spoons.
-Spoons were invented in 1842 by John Williams in an attempt to make a better musical device (devised of empty sasprilla bottles, chewits and Sam Neill) with which to play the music of Jurassic Park.
-They are occasionally used for the assassination of walruses.
-Quite often found in pinball machines.
-Spoons instantaneously combustion when they come in to contact with Gordon Brown.
[edit] Spoon Huffing
This has recently become popular throughout the Southern hemisphere. Scientists suspect the Northern hemisphere will soon catch on to this psychedelic ritual. A technique has developed for ideal Spoon Huffing;
-Place spoon to oral cavity
-Huff
Although this method seems threatening, scientologists have confirmed that it is a safe, pleasurable climax.
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSppppppppppppppppppppoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
[edit] There is no spoon.
There is no spoon. It's true because a weird bald kid with a spoon said so. What do you mean, you don't trust bald people? That's discrimination! I happen to know that all eggheads are on complete authority about spoons.
[edit] BALD PEOPLE RAWK
The spoon is cool OP is a cool *(nerd)*
[edit] Okay, where is the spoon?
It ran away with the dish. (Interested parties should try Spork or Foon instead.) According to most accounts, the spoon seduced the dish with the offer of live monkey brains immediately before the couple's elopement. Scientists speculate that the spoon's then-current usage as an inexpensive alternative to Viagra may also have played a role. The disappearance of the spoon and dish provides the etymology for the English word "persimmon." \Also known by the alias uoods when undercover.
[edit] Greek Mythology
In Greek mythology it is believed that Spoons were the original offspring of Gaia and Oranos predating even the Titans. Unlike the Titans however the Spoons had no overwhelming desire for power and so did not fight in any of the wars of the Titans or later the God's. It is believed by some schollars that the Spoons were responsible for the creation of Holland and that is why the Dutch are very relaxed following the original ideology of the Spoon.
[edit] Lifespan
In the beginning after the reign of the uberspoons had ended all Spoons lost their previous immortality and none of them were prepaired for this, as such all the ancient spoons are now gone. It is believed by some that the ancient spoons though their physical form had gone left behind some of their powerful spirit. It is through comunication with these spirits that today's Spoons have been tought the secrets of stainless steel, through this ability they are able to defeat their previous arch enemy the greatly powerful "Rust" thus bringing them closest than ever before to being immortal once more.
[edit] Dangers associated with Spoons
During the modern times, it has become more and more evident that Spoons are actually very dangerous. Exposure to Spoons has been proven to cause severe misshaping of some people. Seemingly, children are the most easily affected. Other animals than humans have also been misshaped by spoons, like kittens. It is assumed that these effects of Spoons can be repelled by the usage of Spoonguard, but there is no direct proof of this, and the British Association of Spoon Manufacturers has several times proclaimed that it actually is the Spoonguard product that is causing the problems.
[edit] Arch Enemies
The Spoonguard is also a threat to the Spoons, but it is considered not to be an Arch Enemy, as it merely protects people from Spoons, rather than destroying them.
[edit] Spoons in general
Spoons rule me and you. You mostly. And sometimes my dead cat. And pink thoroughbreds which like to eat mass amounts of gingernuts while trotting along the beach wearing nothing but nappies.
[edit] Weapons to defeat evil
Yes folks you must have a spoon at hand in case an Evil Overlord is at the door. Whoomp him good and hard with your spoon. Smite him with all your will, and then clean your spoon. Polish it with a frenzy and eat ice cream. Seek out the Spdo. It is your only chance to save your sanity. otherwise scream like a baby and shove spoon into eye like a little bitch........( recommended for hobags only)
Some " bitch ass hoes" will try to steal your spoon. smack them with a bit bitch slapper 5000.
[edit] The History of the Fighting Spoon
Throughout history, in all its fictional guises, dark powers have threatened fluffy bunny lovers everywhere. Defiling their lands, devouring their bodies and even interfering with their TV reception. Heroes have sprung forth to defend our fluffy friends, sporting wild underwear and strange hairstyles; this is not their story.
This is the story of their unsung weapon, the spoon. Few of us realise that Frodo really beat off Gollum in the chasms of doom with his trusty spoon, that Superman was only vulnerable to kryptonite when he had left his spoon at home and that the boy who lived was actually saved by an ancient and powerful mages spoon left to Harry by his mother.
The spoon deserves its place in history, but due to the vagaries of story editors and a general lack of understanding of a spoons fighting potential, it has not gained such a place. (A cult called the S.S.S. is working on expanding the spoonss history) 'Spoon' has become a dirty word in many evil fighting circles even though when their backs are (chained) against the wall, it is still the spoon that they turn to when they need to pick a lock or poke out an enemies eye. A well wielded spoon has far greater potential than this though; it can be used to distract an enemies attention whilst you pull out your secret atomic blaster, it can deflect laser rays and many evil spells, it can be bent into hooks and jemmy bars and for more advanced spoon benders an Uzi automatic. It can be brandished as a mace, sharpened as a dagger, polished as a signalling device, and even thrown as a futile gesture.
The first ‘heroes spoons’ were fashioned in the late Neolithic from Langdale green stone. They were cumbersome devices, but due to their great weight had tremendous hitting power for those who could pick them up. It was the Romans that really understood the spoon as a major tool in fighting evil, creating many different forms with spikes and curved blades that even today are unsurpassed as fighting weapons. Horatius at the bridge is reputed to have threatened his foes with a spoon saying, "I’m starting to get well ****ed off with you lot. If you don’t bugger off I’m going to tell my mum to bring her spoon", as we all know Horatius held the bridge but was too ashamed to go home to his mum, having used a sword and not the silver soupspoon she had bought him for Christmas. It was also the Romans that first used spoons for administering poisons. Something that today’s dark overlords and minions oddly don’t seem to fall for. When asked to drink a suspicious looking concoction from even a very ordinary looking spoon, they say, "No!"
The dark ages and medieval periods did little for spoon fighting and it wasn’t until Sheffield steel came along that spoons became a viable option for modern hero work. As everyone knows, the once mighty steel town is now sadly little more than a film set, but one of its football teams has retained the nickname ‘The Spoons’ for its long history of fighting cutlery manufacture.
Today the spoon is a necessary part of any would-be hero’s evil whomping kit. Few would admit to poking their adversary in the eye with a spoon, but it usually works out that in defeating some deranged evil overlord and his minionettes that a spoon has been used, even if it was only for eating their weetabix.
Finally, there are many rumours of a secret ancient martial art known as ‘The Silent Spoon-F*cker’ that is reputed to give your spoon the power to f*ck numerous girls(and boys) at once. Such an art is probably not real as reports of Girls and Boys shouting 'DO IT AGAIN' are frankly rather scanty.
As a final word to all Spoon warriors carry your spoon with pride and may your lips never dribble.
[edit] The Use Of Spoons In Alien Invasion
Spoons will be used as a deadly weapon by reflecting and concentrating the suns rays and burning us all in horrible melty deaths however this can be counteracted by what we call a mirror, as on Zargovax they do not have mirrors when their death squads arrive we will have the upper hand and be able to fight them. If you do not have access to a mirror cover yourself in foil.
[edit] Spoons in Cardiff
There are many rumours that there are 2 spoons in Cardiff, that go by the alias 'Hannah' and 'Chris'. Not much is known about these spoons, except that one of them is said to giggle a lot and the other one likes brownies. It is also rumoured that 'Hannah' is the MegaSpoon, and rules all other spoons. There is also the Supermega spoon that goes by the name of Jess. Her partner in crime is the woo spoon.
[edit] Spoons in Belgium
A little known local bylore means that spoons are actually legal tender in Belgium, the current exchange rate is at 1.67 BS (Brussel Sprout) to a Spoon (correct of April 2007). The current record for most spoons owned in Belgium is held by Naomi Rea, with a record... more than 9. She is, by all accounts, stinking rich because of it.
[edit] Uses for the spoons
- Digging holes for you dogs pet sister.
- Building automobiles
- stroking someone's face
- Collecting
- Eating cube shaped apples named Jack
- Licking when lollipops are in short supply
- Teaching hamsters how to play the guitar
- Forming a band
- Rubber- 'nuf said
- Arguing over
- Poking badgers
- Chasing away chavs
- Caressing curtains
- Rubbing on a strangers face whilst saying "Spoony spoony spoony spoony"
- Dating
- Making a confused.com advert
- Chasing off window cleaners and Jehovah's witnesses
- Eating someone's ass
- Banging on a pencil sharpener in order to make a jingle for a history class radio station.
- Eating food :O
