Spuppy
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The Spuppy (less commonly known as a Spider Puppy), is a noxious pest indigenous to North America. They are ferocious killers known for taking down prey much larger than themselves, thanks to their poisonous bite and ability to generate silk from the spinnerets under their body. An adult spuppy is capable of chewing the face off a French woman or your mom in under 2 minutes. Spuppies are the worst natural enemy of piranhas. Although spuppies can't swim, their silk is so sticky and strong, especially after contact with water, that not even a school of piranhas can skeletonize a spuppy web in under 2 minutes.
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[edit] Spuppy silk
I only like the nicest things next to my skin, so I choose spuppy silk 
~ Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton refuses to wear anything not made from the finest spuppy silk, which has increased the global demand on spuppy silk manufacturers. This has increased the risk of spuppys becoming endangered in the wild, as more spuppys are captured to be mercilessly put to work in spuppy silk farms. Spuppy silk farms have been reported to operate under conditions that would make the fur trade look ethical.
[edit] Origins
The spuppy is believed to have its origins at the Second Big Bang, when the comet that would ultimately lead to the extinction of the dinosaurs crashed into the earth, causing massive confusion. There are two theories as to how exactly the spuppy came about. The first theory claims that a dog collided head-on with a giant tarantula, and that the effects of the comet on the earth's climate caused a re-writing of the DNA. The other theory states that the male dog, being extremely horny and unable to find a mate within his own species, took advantage of the first thing in sight...in this case, a giant female tarantula. All around the world, people with various sick fetishes have found the second theory far more appealing.
[edit] Spuppies in Pop Culture
Until recently, spuppies were a relatively obscure animal that only a few obscure scientists and Oscar Wilde knew about. Recently, however, spuppies have been featured by both sides in the War on Terra because of their strong facial resemblance to both Jimi Hendrix and Saddam Hussein.
Spuppies were also the subject of a very popular Kanye West song, "Dead Spuppies Ain't Much Fun".
[edit] What the Scientists Have to Say
“Huff spuppies, not kittens”
~ Oscar Wilde on Spuppy Huffing
“Oscar Wilde doesn't care about spuppies.”
~ Kanye West on Oscar Wilde
“Kanye West doesn't know the history of spuppies.”
~ Tom Cruise on Kanye West
“Tom Cruise doesn't care about spuppies.”
~ Kanye West on Tom Cruise on Kanye West on Oscar Wilde on Spuppy huffing
“I'll be glad to talk about spuppies, but I haven't seen the movie. I've heard about it. I hope you go - you know - I hope you go back to spuppy huffing is what I'm about to say.”
~ George Bush on spuppies
“As you can possible see, I have an injury myself - not here at the hospital, but in combat with a spuppy. I eventually won. The spuppy gave me a little scratch.”
~ George Bush on spuppies and the War on Terra
“George Bush doesn't care about spuppies.”
~ Kanye West on George Bush
“It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the spuppies in our air and water that are doing it.”
~ Al Gore on spuppies and the environment
“If I had three inches of scotch tape, a turkey baster, two feet of string, four paper clips, an oildrum, a toothbrush, four pennies, and a small stack of Post-it notes, I would make a new species and write about it on Uncyclopedia too!”
~ MacGyver on creating stupid new species
“MacGyver doesn't care about spuppies”
~ Kanye West on MacGyver
