Spyro
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Spyro was born in the Dragon Worlds, or at least that's what the Dragon Elders want you to think... He was actually kidnapped from Godzilla when he was a puppy, and eventually grew into the growth-stunted dragon that he was before his transfomation. His first role was an uncredited appearance in Faust as Mephistopheles helper. Mephistopheles was a major influence on the young and impressionable Spyro.
As a budding star he unfortunately became involved with River Phoenix. They were both young stars on the rise in the late 80s. Trust me, they got up to more than being friends... The night River ODed Spyro had taken the same thing but he mixed it with so much acid and meth that he eventually had permanent combustion in his stomach enabling him to breath a pissy little weak flame that couldn't even melt metal-armoured opponents and sucked at long range attacks. Some of the acid landed onto his penis and that is why he has a pussy little light voice and that he has no penis! His chronic drug addiction stunted his growth, for a while him and Gary Coleman would often be seen in nightclubs standing on each others backs to give the impression of normal height. Unlike many other stars Spyro came out of the 1980s relatively unscathed and was in a good position to profit from the success of his own game on the Playstation. He also got a good success in bed with an elaphant... it didn't work out well.
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[edit] Career And History
Spyro soon shot to success as a noticeable face of the emerging console war between Sega, Nintendo and Sony. As an East Coast star he, along with crash bandicoot and solid snake, had an ongoing feud with West Coast Mario, Fox and James Bond. Few cared about the brief southside tenure of Sonic. It was the Golden days as young stars in an increasingly popular and successful industry. They supped on butterfly in Hennessy and slept with high class fairy prostitutes.
But Spyro had a terrible addiction for collecting random shit (like rotten eggs). He just couldn't help it as soon as someone mentioned some weird artifact that was scattered around levels he simply felt compelled to undergo a long journey across many different worlds (often characterised by differing inhabitants and temperatures) in a vain attempt to collect them all. Dragon eggs, puzzle pieces, golden orbs, stars, coins, shine sprites, keys, spinels, emblems, father-figures, perfect looking body parts, Pogs, Pokemon cards, bottle caps, stamps, a penis of his own, tits, whatever he could get his cold-blooded dragon claws on. Others, especially his bosses at Vivendi, could see his habit was getting out of hand So they used the evolvo-ray on him which turned him into Eragon... This gave him many side effects such as amnesia, letting random peoples ride him without any cost and staring in boring novels and films about himself (how modest)... Vivendi knew that soon the cops would be after him so they decided to create a clone, well kinda... they stole some guy's sole and chucked him into a frankenstein plush toy and put make up all over it, this was now the "new spyro". when the "new spyro" began on a new quest "Spyro: Get the hell out of the dragonfly" and "Spyro: The Assasins tale"... They knew something was strange, young kids seemed to continue buying the games even though Bugs were cralling all over the CD case. Vivendi did the only natural thing recognising an obvious cash cow, they pumped these Spyro games like crazy even going so far as just releasing exactly the same game after three years had passed since its original release date. But the "new spyro" was angry about being only in two games so he shot their moms and trodded over to sierra where spyro got "the inspector gadget treatment" and was accidentally sent to another universe and since then, we have only seen his crappy games pop up. After many crappy games featuring "new spyro", kids still byed the crap so Many have puzzled Why? The conclusion was that the "new spyro" was indeed an evil, alien mind controller...
[edit] Sparx
Spyro's slave dragonfly, Sparx, was stolen from Africa, where all the slaves come from. He was originally to be used to find the other dragons for the concentration camps. However, some poachers inserted Spyro's soul into Sparx. Now Spyro has no soul, which could go a long way to describe his irrational and violent behavior. Since Sparx has Spyro's essence inside him, whenever Sparx dies, so does Spyro. Unfortunatly, Sparx has multiple mental disorders which keep him from just flying away and gaining his freedom.
[edit] Cynder
the new chick that at first spyro wants to mess up badly but then when she turns to his age spyro gets an undesirable urge to rape her so he saves her. so at the temple they had tons of anul. unfortunatly supporting another dragon got to expensive for the elders so they kicked her out partly because she was a whore. spyro manages to find cynder for the fact that bitch still owes him money.
[edit] Ignitus
This guy is Spyro's dad, he never showed his bloody mug in the first games because he didn’t get paid enough. Spyro's mother is an underage slag that doesnt know her name. Spyro was their accident. As the cops raided his home in the begining of ABNB, he had to hide the evidence of underage sex, so he ditched the egg in the river. years later, he realised spyro was alive and wishes he smashed the egg.
[edit] Games
Spyro starred in 10 games now: Spyro The Dragon, Spyro 2: Ripto's Rage, Spyro: Year of the Dragon, "spyro: Get the hell out of the dragonfly", Spyro: an Assasins Tale, "Spyro:Ripto comes back again and kills", "Spyro: A shadow Lawyer", Spyro Invades Crash's Land (Spyro Orange) and Spyro: a Brand New Birth (with birth footage) and a secret game that only came out in china (lucky bastards) witch is were spyro has sex non stop for 4 out of the 5 hours of the game (rated 3+). it was called: "spyro: the eternal sex" There is a rumour that He is going to star in another one where he eats sparx and gets his soul back. Then he and Stewie Griffin will rule the world! However, due to "the new spyro" being locked in an alternate reality, who knows whats going to happen.
[edit] Trivia
- Spyro and Sparx both chase the same female fairy for fun.
- Sparx is an ex-accountant.
- Spyro once had a son but devoured him one week later due to his depressant problems.
- Sparx can breathe a better fire than Spyro but he needs some loving to get it started.
- Spyro played Joey on Friends
- "the new Spyro" originally a horrible voice until he had a vocal transplant with that one guy from Lord of the Rings during his "inspecter gadget treatment"
- Spyro has up to 99 lives. Part cat? You decide!
- Spyro also won the Guinness Record for "Having the Worst Sequels in History". Like 10 times or so
- Spyro actually married the Sorceress in the third game, but dumped her in favour of Hunter.
- Spyro was nearly murdered by Crash Bandicoot.
- Spyro once laughed so much, a little bit of wee came out!(and it burned a little)
- Spyro's finishing move, the Spyro Tap, has been stolen by TNA Wrestler AJ Styles.
- Spyro once owned a goat, but he ate it.
- Spyro was briefly king of Spain from 1337-38, but then decided to have a tea party with Hitler about concentration camps
- Spyro was put into the California state prison on October 11th 2004 for all the files of Child pornography found in his computer and under his bed.
- Spyros real name is Spiderpig Except he changed it to remove the horrible memories of that time when he lived with...you know who...
- Spyro is allergic to cheese and if he eats it he will turn into a pufferfish with aids
- Spyro got his colour by eating too much black current. After 10 hours of immense surgery, he survived (shit!).
- Spyro only thought he ate his son but turns out it was cheese so well... yeah allergic reaction.
- Spyro once had a threesome with Cynder and Ember.
- Spyro was arrested for eating Lucius Malfoy.
