Square-Enix

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“Squaresoft made FFVII”

~ Captain Obvious on Square Enix

Square-Enix is a company that created that ever-so more lame FFVII video game... and all those other FF games. Much of Square-Enix's sucsess over the past few years has been based upon the movie Final-Fantasy 7 - where a punk kid, called Cloud (Mist was already taken) whos a mentally special idiot with self-gelled hair. He with his ever-so-more matrix-ish powers casts rings of *WTF* on the game, which eventually "plot" Square-Enix's idea of a movie.

[edit] History

Not much is known, but it used to be originally have been called Roundhard. They made crappy 1 Bit D'n'D games that lasted for 3 seconds. Their first real hit was with FF1, later known as "SUPERULTRAMEGAFUNTIME". That became popular in English language, beating international game sale records. Selling a record 2 cartridges, (One owned by Jesus himself, the other owned by Chuck Norris), the company managed to get enough money to make another game... Final Fantasy 3. (They skipped FF 2,4,6,8 and 10... because they were communist back then). From there magic happens *sch*sch*sch*sch*. Tetsuya Nomura is too snobbish that he created some of the games for Japan only. He then later on became brains behind most of the character designs at Square, due to his characters being emo and Metrosexual. His first Attempt at the emo style was the creation of Cloud Strife, in Final Fantasy VII. Cloud Strife was a failure at being emo, however, since he was blond. Recent and upcoming games have featured emos in the main roles, the protagonist of FFXII being a transvestite. The upcoming FFXIII Versus features a Sasuke look-alike with a bunch of floating swords. As you can see, as the series progresses, the ideas just get better. Square-Enix also invented the letter "V"

[edit] Merge with Universal Pictures, Bengay, and Empire carpets

When Square-stank was losing money because they suck, they had no other choice but to merge with the three companies that own your soul- they are in the the title above you, in case you havn't paid a visit to [[1]] lately- to form the most ultimate in gaming/movie/pain reliever/home repair EVER conceived. Thus, Ben'scarpetsandsquarepicturesaregay was formed, and forever changed the face of mankind FOREVER! You think I'm joking don't you. Well, I'm sorry, you're just gonna have to leave and READ THE FACTS POPPY! The jongle was never forgotten. "1-800-666-1111 KINGDOM FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARIES!"

[edit] The Big Deal

Square-Enix was a fat. They stole the idea of the communist ME and developed their own famed character, WE. WE were horribly obese characters who couldn't fit in the cartridge. Becuauauauauase of these, the SNES (Super new emulation Systemthing) was made. With increased capacity Wario came to being...but through a horrible glitch he was named Cloud, and became mentally retarded in the process.

[edit] It's really cool

Final Fantasy games sell so well because people think they are cool. Outselling things like letterbombs and nachos by about 30%, it's no wonder why the FF series is still going. No only that, but some people fancy random battles happening everywhere they go. This is mostly the epileptic audience though, that isn't supposed to play the game but they play it anyways because it's cool and when they go into a random battle it is like a really cool seizure and stuff so yeah. Also seizures are bad.

[edit] Fly? FF

Realizing that the glitch made Square-Enix millions of penya more richer, FlyFF (some tight MMORPG thats completely kickass) came into being. Stealing every FF idea there was, FlyFF somewhat wow'ed society. Triangle-Medium-Soft formed alliances with Square-Enix to take FlyFF down. Through Hate messages published in FF7, FlyFF got pwned, and got sent back to Robot Hell, (Meeting Bender along the way).

[edit] Sakaguchi Interview

Here's the latest interview with former director:

I know what you're thinking, you're thinking he doesn't have the guts. Isn't that right. That's what you're thinking. You're thinking that I don't have the guts to do what I said I was going to do in this interview. You're wrong. I don't have any alternative. Tonight,I have to do something that even I will regret, and I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it, and I'm going to do it tonight!

Face the facts. They're hard. They're cold. The facts are cruel. The facts are ever since the Final Fantasy XII, Matsuno has assumed the position of leadership in Square-Enix. Those are the facts, and I don't like it, but under Matsuno's leadership, Square-Enix has terminal cancer. Oh yeah. Under Matsuno's leadership, the Square-Enix is going to slowly die. They know what they have to do, don't they? They can do it. Come on, you can do it!

It's a damn shame, but everything on earth has to come to an end. I never thought it would be like this. I never thought that one day, my world would come crashing down around me. You've got to understand. This is my life. This is what I've built and nobody helped me. I did it all on my own and now someone's going to take it away from me? Someone gave cancer to Square-Enix. God it's just too damn bad...

Dont try to talk me out of this! You can't do it. I've resolved that this is what I have to do. Believe me, if there was any other way, I would do it. I knows this is not logical. I know this is not normal, but it's something that has to be done. You see, when you care like I care, if you care that much, you'll do it. It's gotta be done, and I'm not going to be talked out of doing it. No. Oh, I've starting to feel it now. Oh yeah. It's starting to feel good!

Square-Enix is going to die. I know that. The Square-Enix has cancer because of Matsuno. Matsuno's going to kill it, and the kind of cancer Matsuno gave Square-Enix is the slow eating kind of cancer. It's not quick. Sakaguchi isn't going to let Matsuno kill what he created. Square-Enix is Sakaguchi's. He created it and he's not going to let Matsuno kill what he created because he's going to KILL what he created. I'm going to kill it! I'm going to kill my own creation and inject Square-Enix with a lethal dose of poison! If anybody's going to kill my creation, it's going to be me.

The director was later found crazy from repeated attempts at suicide, each time only to be revived with a Phoenix Down by Brian Clevinger.