Staircase 13

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“Please let go of my balls. You are hurting me.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Staircase 13

Staircase 13 in Brasenose college was, and is, an internationally renowned centre for some of the greatest minds the world has ever seen. Much has been made of the contributions of its spiralling shape, its position above the laundry room and its free electricity in attracting and inspiring such a magnificent collection of luminaries in a plethora of disciplines.

[edit] Current inhabitants (2006)

Though some may claim that the glory days of Oxford University have waned since J.R.R.Tolkien, C.S. Lewis and Michael Palin, Staircase 13, at least, has maintained the university's reputation for inspired visionaries.

-JWB- one of the few people throughout history to successfully combine the twin disciplines of extreme disco dancing with a gruelling degree in history- indeed, it was she who discovered that Lenin had a penchant for women's underwear.

-Oliver Newman- an intrepid explorer of the seven seas, Oliver is the only man in the world to have circumnavigated the globe BLINDFOLDED. He is also a black belt in Scrabble.

Ed Blacker- upon realising that he had no discernible talent of his own, Ed resolved to enslave the more weak-willed members of the staircase, and form a crack crime-solving team. He is the Charlie to their Angels, the M to their James Bonds, or that bloke out of Mission Impossible who actually turned out to be the baddie. Rock.

Emma Blake- apart from being a master of disguise (she once dressed up as Gandhi to get a free ticket to Live 8), Emma is also the world's foremost maker of tea. Famous people she has made tea for include: Colin Powell, Barbara Windsor and Tony Curtis.

James Pope- James' talent for the piano and song-writing were noticed at a young age by former oil tycoon Elton John, who hatched a plan to kidnap James and use his abilities for his own ends. He lured the unwirring 7 year old to his layer with promises of jaffa cakes and endless games of kerplunk and enslaved him. For many years now, Elton has sat at the piano stool while James is squeezed inside, forced to play his ingenious melodies while Elton takes the credit. Fortunately, in 2004, James was rescued by pirates which is why Elton no longer has any talent.

Ben Bransfield- A poet of the highest order, Mr.Bransfield is also notable for having invented brie. It is alleged that one of Ben's poems was so gut-wrenchingly emotional, it turned Michael Jackson white.