Star Destroyer
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A Star Destroyer is a type of starship used by the Empire. They are known for their triangular shape, carrying lots of expendable fighters and soldiers (most of the time). Despite reports to the contrary, they do not appear to be able to destroy stars.
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[edit] Victory Class Star Destroyer
One of the first types of Star Destroyers, this vessel was infamous for having a top sublight speed of 5 knots. As such all of its enemies managed to stay well outside of its weapon's range, and escaped. Production was discontinued almost as quickly as it began. Also its main weapons consisted of disco lasers that did no damage.
[edit] Venator Class Star Destroyer
The Venator Class Star Destroyer was a contemporary of the Victory class. While it was actually fast enough to catch opponents, and carried actual weapons; it was an extremely vulnerable warship. Its hangars were open air, an incredible feat considering it was a spaceship. This meant that the fuel containers and ammunition for its fighters were exposed and could be detonated simply by throwing a well placed rock. As such these ships were destroyed as quickly as they were produced, and production was discontinued after the Empire spent 1 000 000 000 000 000 000 credits producing them.
[edit] Imperial Class Star Destroyer
This was the successor to the two aforementioned pieces of crap that passed for warships. These ships had actual weapons, and weren't ridiculously vulnerable. They also were a lot bigger. However these ships had a crappy power supply and was prone to power outages during the most inconvenient time. As a result the ships were destroyed while electricians were repairing them. The Empire found more use with these ships as suicide craft than actual warships resulting in many won battles for the loss of a single Star Destroyer, assuming they were lucky of course. Another drawback is that if the command deck is destroyed, the vessel will go bat-shit insane and crash into the nearest object of comparable size.
[edit] Executor Class Super Star Destroyer(*)
The Executor Class Super Star Destroyer was a massive "warship", over 12 times larger than the Imperial Class. The cost of the vessel was also enormous at 1.56*10^93 credits and 99 cents. As such 15 were built. Fun Fact: Did you know that the United States was paid over 17 billion pesos for providing armor plating made of the finest O'donnell leather for two of these massive ships prepping for their assault on the McDonalds battle station?
[edit] Eclipse Class Super Star Destroyer
Despite the failure of the Executor class, the highly tenacious Empire commissioned the Eclipse class. it is the largest ship built at 17.5 kilometers the ship is completely immobile, as it was impossible to find any affordable engines because of the Executor's destruction. Unlike its predecessor, the Eclipse was actually armed with over 10 000 000 laser cannons and 2 500 000 photon torpedo launchers. It carried 1 000 000 fighters, and the equivalent of about 100 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 stormtroopers (enough to conquer a typical Yuuzhan Vong base with a surprise attack during a diversion). However, the lack of any mobility limited this warship to defending the drydock in which it is still sitting.
[edit] Conclusion
In short Star Destroyers were warships that were prone to many failings and misfortunes, excluding the Eclipse-class, which OWNED anything stupid enough to get close. Still for some inexplicable reason they were chosen as flagships for many famous (and infamous) individuals. Also, after rigorous testing, it has been firmly established that Star Destroyers cannot destroy stars. How disappointing!
[edit] Trivia
Famous Star Destroyer Commanders Include:
- Grand Poohbah Thrawn
- Admiral Daala (Vodka class Bar Deployer variant)
- Gilad Pellaeon
- Captain Kirk
- Captain Picard
- Darth Hitler
- Commander Adama
- George W. Bush
- Jean Chretien
- Dwight Schrute
- The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka
- Al Gore (privateer)
- Steven Spielberg
- George Lucas
- Seth MacFarlane
- Invader Zim
- Jar Jar Binks
- Al Jean
- Josh Weinstein
- Dumbo
- Master Shake
- Hitler
- Fluffy
- Me
- Your Mom
- Your Dad
- Your Brother
- Your Sister
- Your Grandmother
- Your Grandfather
- Your Uncle
- Your Aunt
- Your Nephew
- Your Neice
- Tim Curry
Typical Star Destroyer Names Include:
- Devastator
- Eviscerator
- Chimaera (don't ask how the Greeks got involved)
- Guarla (no idea where this came from)
- Titan
- Juggernaut
- Revenge
- Vengeance
- Avenger
- Retaliator
- Retribution (are you seeing a theme yet?)
- Expendable
- Emperor's Phallus
- Big Blue Battleship (Executor class or specially painted Star Destroyers only)
- Vader's Pimped Out Ride
- Isosceles Triangle
- Trump's Triangular Triumph
- The Big Pointy Thing
(*) A group of people who take nomenclature way too literally, called Saxtonites would like me to call the Executor Super Star Destroyer the Executor-class Star Dreadnaught, and state that the vessel was 19 km long. However, they are not the boss of me and frankly, need to loosen up, let's just all agree it was a really big ship.
