Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
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“Your feeble skillz are no match for the power of mah moneh!â€
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| Producer | Xerxes | |||
| Director | Ed Wood | |||
| Runtime | 100 min. (seems like 3.5 billion years) | |||
| Language | English, Wookie | |||
| Distributed by | The North Korean Department of Propaganda | |||
| IMDb rating |  
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Star Wars Episode III starts up where Star Wars Episode Pi left off. Young Jedi Anakin Skywalker (Gayden Christensen) and his mentor Obi Wan Kenobi (Sean Connery) continue to battle bad guys with British accents. They also beat up on droids that have British accents. To make a long story short, everyone from England who can hold a laser gun gets their ass kicked.
Meanwhile, on planet Spaceball, Chancellor Palpatine (Pope Benedict XVI) plots to become ruler of all the universe for life which requires the help of Anakin for some reason. So, Palpatine sent Anakin an e-vite to his wicked badass party at the senate. Anakin showed up with a blow up doll and a plastic dildo, but soon Palpatine's true goal became apparent!
“And now you will witness the fire power of this fully armed and opperational penis!â€
~ Emperor Palpatine on his plans for Anakin
After making sweet love to Palpatine, Anakin starts on a shame spiral that eventually turns him into Darth Vader.
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[edit] So Why Does Anakin Wear That Suit?
As their love grew, Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine started experimenting with S&M. Why do you think Vader allways calls the emperor "master"? Anyway, one night the emperor got carried away in his tough love and poured molten lead into Anakins tight black leather sex suit, permanently fusing it to his body.
[edit] Wait...What Happened to Everyone Else?
They died.
[edit] But--
THEY DIED!
[edit] What are you--
WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP!
[edit] BUT WHAT ABOUT--
THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!!!!!
[edit] The Cast
For what was likely to be his final Star Wars movie, George Lucas was careful to select the best cast possible. Lucas first decided to cast Emperor Palpatine, instead of renewing the contract of Mr. T, who had played the Emperor in the original trilogy, Lucas called upon Pope Benedict XVI. This was considered typecasting as the pope was already evil and could shoot lightining out of his hands through his Jesus powers.
In another bit of typecasting, Sean Connery was cast as Scottish Jedi Obi Wan Kenobi. Lucas cited Connery's warlike tendencies and ability to beat people with lightsabers as a huge plus for the film.
“You were the choshen one! you were shposhed to vanquishsh the Shith, not join them...sho fuck you ya fairy!â€
~ Sean Connery on Anakin's betrayel
To attract a wider audiance and gain some sex appeal for the film, Lucas made a last moment casting choice of Natalie Portman as a Queen who hates bras and Bruce Campbell as a stormtrooper who hates pants. These moves made the film an international sucess. The only casting promblem was whats-his-face who plays Anakin. He was such a bad actor that director Ed Wood soon replaced him with a cardboard cut out of Mr. Rogers.
[edit] Behind the Scenes Tidbits
- For the DVD release, Lucas added a scene in which Chuck Norris, in a special cameo, coldcocks Jar Jar Binks to death.
- The film went overbudget when Lucas had to buy the entire country of Albania to film scenes involving war, chaos, and insanity.
- Impressed with the Empire's power, U.S. president George W. Bush launched his top foreign diplomats into space to seek an alliance. They never returned.
[edit] Reception
Down the hallway to your left.
 In this movie, Anakin gains 500 Ibs. and becomes Darth Vader! |
 In what would become a series staple, Episode III marks the 1st appearance of the Ottoman Turk Deathstar. |
| This article is part of UnFilm
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Categories: UnFilm | Star Wars | Movies
