StarCraft
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WARP THIS BITCH!
“Did someone paged me,oh thats my vibrator”
~ Medic on StarCraft
“Ki-Ki-Ki!”
~ Zerg Zergling on StarCraft
“Fucking Koreans!”
~ You on being Zerg Rushed
“Terrans sux lol, I mean bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”
~ Hydralisk on StarCraft
“How 'bout we frag these editors?!”
~ Terran Marine on StarCraft
“Does somebody want a physical?”
~ Terran Medic on StarCraft
“Got any questions about propane? Or...propane accessories?”
~ Firebat on answering Hank Hill's questions
“Nuclear Launch Detected!”
~ South Korea reaction on hearing Starcraft 2 sucks
“Nuclear Launch Detected! Shit it's Hiroshima all over again! Fuck!”
~ Japan's reaction.
“This is not WarCraft in space. Its much more sophistimicated!”
~ Artanis on On StarCraft,not WarCraft
“Study history, study history. In history lies all the secrets of SpaceSkill.”
~ Winston Churchill on StarCraft
“I can't believe it took them 10 YEARS to start working on a sequel! DAMN YOU BLIZZARD!!”
~ Everyone on Starcraft 2
“Err... There was also StarCraft: Ghost...”
~ some fucking nerd on the above quote
“SHUT UP!! NOBODY CARES ABOUT SC GHOST!!!”
~ Everyone on some fucking nerd
Starcraft is a ORTSFPNS (Online Real Time Strategy First Person N00b Shooter) invented by Blizzard during the Great Oppression in order to increase business to the Canadian ISP business, which they pwned. In addition, it is also the national sport of Korea. The game is based on a non-standard deck of cards, with three Races: the Zerg (monkey-eating dinosaur-lizards), the Terran(named after Racists named Andrew), and the Protoss (who start off with three aces due to the Zealot speed upgrade). The developers, in a completely unforeseen and generally questioned departure from industry standards, gave each of the races different units. The Brood War expansion packs include new units for all three races; however, Brood War is considered a letdown and even regression compared to the original, and nobody plays it. The game also displays graphic amounts of blood, which pleases many fans. While the game is technically playable on tables in real life with friends, this is seldom done. Most of the action occurs online, where Japaneses and n00bs using map hacks square off against computers. Or the other way around. The winning player may receive a prize consisting of eating brunch with the Pope. Starcraft has since become the national sport of South Korea.
Contents |
[edit] Strategies
[edit] Massed Carriers
A technique used only by the most elite pro n00bs. It involves making as many Carriers as possible, although only a quarter of one is needed to win, and then sending them to attack an enemy base while the player does back flips over his computer chair or signs autographs or both. Players using this strategy always win, always, because it is just that good, it is believed god used carriers against the egyptians to spare moses. When two players use it against each other, they both win. If it is a competitive game, the "winner" is determined by the player that was able to sign the most autographs while the Carriers are out pwning or the player who beat their opponent to death with their mouse whilst their opponent was trying to win by signing the most autographs whilst trying to pwn with their carriers.n00b
[edit] Moblie Medic Strip Club
The marine's slutty medic bitches can cart around portable strip poles and stages. The effect of this is such that zerg and protoss units lose control over their penises and start sexing the medics in a huge orgy of orgiastic pleasure. This makes them exhausted and allows the marines to mop them up so they can have sex with the medics. The semen allows medics to heal marines with soothing sex. This goes on in a vicious cycle with each side killing the other and sexing then another doing the same thing. Through the entire cycle, the medics get the most bang out of it.
[edit] Zergling Rush
Zergling Rush involves using zerglings, which are the offspring of a giant crocodilius, and pushing them off a steep cliff; hence, the word "rush". Doing so will cause the opponent to watch the zergling's death rush and distract him, allowing the player to steal some l33t minerals. Typing the words to any Rush song into chat while executing this maneuver will cause all enemy zealots to dance. Side effects may include shouts of "pwn3d", drowning in Zergling blood, involuntary screaming on the behalf of the opponent, or any combination of the three. Not to be confused with the drunken ritual performed at Fraternities around America every year.
[edit] The Stackable Zergling
The zergling by itself is a faulty piece of garbage that does nothing but suck (the ability of which is highly prized in the mobile medic strip club, for good reasons). One zealot can kill four zerglings in a matter of seconds. However, when zerglings are present in large numbers, they're slighty more effective at blowing any nearby hydralisks. But when the zerglings gain the ability to stack thirty or forty at a time, they are truly unstoppable. That is, until a firebat or reaver comes along... owned.
This was patched by 1.15.
[edit] Super APM
An alternate win scenario occurs if the user can exceed 9999 actions (mouse clicks or keyboard presses) per minute, or APM, to lag out the other opponent. This strategy is practiced mainly by Koreans. Of course, the user needs to hope that the opponent has an old computer and/or an infected internet. However, scientists recently discovered that a new technique can work on even high end computers. Apparently, selecting a Terran Command Center/Protoss Gateway/Zerg Hive, then right-clicking on the ground as fast as possible for 60 minutes will allow you to logout your computers, IF you reach 1,999 APM, which can be obtained by all Koreans.
[edit] Zealot Penis Technique
This strategy involves the use of a pair of 16" long penis that all Protoss zealots come equipped with and is mainly effective against Terran marines. Experienced players are adept at appraoching marines from the rear using zealots in order to bypass layers of frontal space armor and access the weakly guarded anuses. It is widely known that the chemicals used in the Zealot's intimate lotion causes the Marines to asplode. The effectiveness of this method is obvious when viewing its use in game. When done with the Marines, the Zealots move on to the Marine's Bitches, the Medics, and woo them using their 16" black penis, which the medics generously accept with open hands and open pussies.
[edit] Floaties
Sometimes, incredibly adept terran players utilize this dreaded strategy. This is invoked when they are taking a dump early in the game. While they do so, they usually receive a large amount of zerglings or zealot penises up the anal region. However, they do not fear this amateur move, as they will then gain the psychic power that enables them to lift any object from afar. When they do so, all their buildings and feces will then begin to float and remain out of reach of any hostile penises. This will then cause the other player to become incredibly aggravated and jump out the window of at least a eight story building out of deep frustration and self loathing. Remember, this technique is one of the most devastating methods and offer instant victory.
[edit] Heavy Metal
This one requires lots of dudes that have long hair, some heavy metal band's cd, same band's t-shirt that those guys bought 4-5 years ago, jeans and black boots. Once you gather all those resources, all you have to do is say "Hey guys! Manowar's in town. Concert's tonight, in that guy's base and he thinks they suck! Let's go get him! There's also free beer!" Now watch those headbangers butcher every single enemy unit. \m/_
[edit] M&Ms
This is an effective strategy that involves purchasing a bag of M'Ms from your local convenience store. Upon opening the bag, a large number of colorful and chocolaty marines and medics will pour out. Then, you throw them at your opponents while they dodge them as if they were feces. The marines, the brainless clones of each other (they all have the same face), enjoy utilizing stim packs, better known as a multiplicitive concoction of heroin, steroids, and sex. This technique is a good defense against the Zealot Penis Technique, as the marines have access to speed hacks while under influence. However, as the mentally challenged marines suffer from withdrawal affects soon after, the medics then touch them all over in a sexually explicit manner, involving glowing objects. Sometimes, you may end up with some firebats in your M&M bag as well. They are extra fun since they explode violently upon death. In the event that you run out of your marines and/or firebats, the medics are then forced to cover for each other by engaging in hot lesbian action until one of them explodes while screaming in a notably strange manner. Therefore the Marines and firebats can use their stim pack which can make them sexually crazy, the stim pack can really make them shoot faster. In the control of Korean Zergs, It's is the best way to against that fucking. Also, If you put M&M inside a small device such like Dropshit, Flyingshit or Shittle, after several years there will come much more M&Ms. These M&Ms are the best way to fight against High Templar if the are out of energy , Reavers if they don't have minerals to make scarabs and Ultralisks if they were bloked.
[edit] Crashing Your Opponents
This strategy involves abusing hacks/glitches/HIREDGOONS/hitmen/unplugging computers to drop your opponent out of the game. It is an approved way of winning.
[edit] Zerg Perma-cloaking
This trick involves using a fucking arbiter to permanently cloak omegalisks. If you unburrow that shit right as the the faggy flyer gets there you get a cloaked unit forever, even if the mc. pansy piece of crap moves away. As soon as you accomplish this, a nice little tune plays that tells you that you successfully perma-cloaked the unit, you can view the achievement through your X-box Live account. Of course there is no way to do this in a regular game, so there is no point to this trick unless you're one of those idiots who joins the "trick" custom maps in order to show off your lame 5k1llz.
also, penis....that is all
[edit] Cannon Rush
Cannon rushing is by far the fairest and nicest way to win a game of StarCraft, especially on a FA57 M4P. You secretly build photon cannons, which are actually giant cinnamon rolls that shoot icing at your enemies. Then, you wait till they say "wyg u suk lol im 9 i hax" and hack you out of the game. An alternative is to wait until they tell you "wtf fukin noob strat" and hack you. Either way, you get hacked, but hey, everyone KNOWS that you won.
[edit] Japanese Special Stragies
This is a StarCraft Stragies which invited by Japanese. Is from some video about girls doing fun games with boys.
[edit] Gaming terms
[edit] Pwnage
A special ability only accessible to those who have maphacks or are at least part AZN. This awards them every unit in game as soon as the game starts. Often, they will call other normal players "n00bs" and they "sux0rs". The only way to counter-act this is to spam your mouse and key-board in hope that the pwnage user lags out. Although He/she/It/God/You probably won't.
[edit] Koreans
As a species with the most advanced war technology equipment, this unit is the best in the game, and one Korean unit will cost 10,000 minerals, and 10,000 vespene gas. Plus, only when you control all 3 forces (Terran, Zerg, and Protoss) will you be able to build a Korean Laboratory, where the Koreans are genetically engineered. Their attacks are splash, affect both ground and air, have damage 65537+65537 / upgrade, and their life is 4294967297 with 256 armor AND EVIL KOREAN SORCERY!!!!! These pwning units are infinitely availuable to all Korean players, thereby making them literally invincible starcraft whoop-assers.
Hint: Use protoss to mind control the other 2 forces.
[edit] Cheat(korean evil sorcery)
Essentially, cheat codes grant you more pornography throughout each round. Especially with the zealots, their penises turn invincible and there is absolutely no way ANY marines can escape from those "manacles".
One cheat code, "Operation CWAL", allows players to reproduce at a rapid pace. 400 BABIES PER SECOND! Wow those medics ARE productive!
The most powerful cheat code "there is no cow level"(no joke) makes it so you win automatically, this is because the computer cannot cope with that level of stupidness and so gives you victory so you wont type anything that stupid again(but the computer is always gets disappointed.)
[edit] Terrans
[edit] Civilian
What does a civilian do in the middle of a war? Nothing, LOL!!!
Civilians are the best position in a human colony. If you are one, all you have to do is stand still. You are basically a vagabond, unless you are a student (most of the civilians are trainees). Civilians don´t have to fight, but can use cool infantry armor made in Engineering Bay to impress the medics and frigate pilots girls. Also, a civilian can join the army initially like a resource-getter soldier, thrown inside a SCV. All the civilians hate this job, and this decision is used as a punishment.
[edit] SCV
SCV stands for Shut-the-fuck-up-you-little-bitch-just- cause-im-in-this-fucking-shitty-suit-doesnt-mean-i-cant-kick-your-motherfucking-ass-you-stupid-cunt-vehicle. SCVs are the only units to have black people in them, and there is no such thing as a white SCV. SCVs are also the lowest units in the Terran race, and work over 25 hours a day getting some useless blue shit, which is essencially viagra for those stupid cunt-ass marines. Blizzard was sued in 2012 for there being no white SCVs, but the trial was abruptly ended by an arbitrary Zergling rush. Due to the huge amount of physical work done, they are the most powerful workers in the game, even capable of destroying a base when they merge into a man-train. Interestingly, SCVs are actually more powerful then marines, go ahead... TRY IT!
[edit] Marine
Marines are a mixed bag of mentally unstable criminals, sex and drug addicts, and college dropouts equipped with a big gun. Universal Terran law forbids Marines from growing hair, but for no apparent reason other than to laugh at them. Using massive amouns of Marines is important to any victory, but one should always be careful when dealing with Zerg, as Queens are known to cause Marines to explode, which pretty much screws you over.
[edit] Firebat
Basicaly anyone who is obessed with catching things on fire becomes a Firebat. These units are especially effective against Zealots, as their arm-penises are allergic to fire. Killing a Firebat is rather difficult, as it requires the enemy unit to steal his cigarette and drop it down his gas tank on his back, causing a big man-asplosion. Oh yea, Firebats walk funny too, but nobody knows why.
[edit] Science Facility
The Science Facility is a great nerd-recruitment center, where they can do some crazy research, play RPGs online and rest in Star Trek-decorated rooms. This is the place where they first generated the AZN Bloodlines.
[edit] Science Vessel
The Science Vessel is the result of thousands of nerds saving their allowance to create "the coolest clubhouse ever". From this clubhouse, the nerds can use their math skills and strange chemistry projects for attacks. Computer nerds in the Science Vessel can even hack into Protoss units and shut down their shields (after causing a malfunction with Electro Magnetic Pulse (EMP)), and use their biology notes and supreme knowledge to emit strange green gases which can cause hapless units to implode, screaming in exactly the same manner as their partners. All Science Vessels are paid for by Mr. Burns.
[edit] Vulture
The Vulture is an ex-Hell's Angels member who got kicked out for killing, then raping too many people. It is cheap, fast, and will run over whatever the fuck gets in its way. They don't take shit from anyone, even players. Also note that some vultures enjoy taking a large, smelly dump anywhere they feel like, with diabolical cause. This is because vultures can receive fecal steroid bio-mechanics upgrades which allow their shit droplets to obtain sentience (IQ up to 150), and retrofit their fecal warriors with explosive charges. Then, these poo-warriors hide in the ground, but make like a jihad upon detection of antagonist units causing mass destruction, flying fecal debris, and ASSPLODAGE. Fortunately, vultures only have the digestive capability to excrete three fecal-jihadists at a time. Be wary when using these units.
[edit] Battlecruiser
The Battlecruiser is an extremely rape-tacular unit (invented by korean sorcery). It may result from angry cries coming from enemy Marines "Hey, what the fuck was that?" before their head falls off and also pathetic sobs coming from the pilot of the wraith because he has total penis envy. The pilot of the Battlecruiser normally responds by telling the wraith pilot to give him head. However, this is not usual due to the fact that they are both in separate aircraft and the Battlecruiser pilot has plenty of medics who can service him. Also, the pilots of Battlecruisers have been reported for utilizing mustache steroids to add extra bushy goodness. The Yamato Cannon emits waves that transmit gay J-Rock which turns units into emos who cut their own wrists.
[edit] Valkyrie
A fat woman stuffed into a Wraith with a broken cloak system, with extra rocket pods as she is too afraid of dying. Makes the Goliath pilots, whose weapons are often plundered for the extra rocket pods, extremely angry, then cut apart by a zergling. Often contemplates suicide as Valkyries cannot kill anything on land. Shares with the Wraith the ability to drop out of the sky and explode. This is the only way it can destroy land units.
[edit] Wraith
Extremely shit ass unit that has an oxygen-starved Zinedine Zidane as a pilot (There is a secret button next to the cloaking icon that allows you to use the unit's headbutt ability, which kills any unit or building in one hit but you get a red card). The wraith is so lousy that the cowardly pilot, who is already too scared of running out of oxygen and dying, added a cloak system to make sure he was not killed before running out of oxygen and dying. Wraiths fall to the ground and explode after 10 minutes as the oxygen runs out and the pilot dies. This causes a nucular explosion that annihilates everything in the area, even Battlecruisers. That is about all they are good for.
[edit] Goliath
A fat robot with rocket pods that shoot firecrackers. They are totally useless unless it is the festive season. Goliaths are an endangered species as Valkyries keep stealing their rocket pods, making them get killed by mutalisks. They are so heavy that they can run over some smaller units and flatten them like pancakes. Often used to counter Zergling rushes or M&M'S.
[edit] Siege Tanks
Siege Tanks are tanks that can siege. Mainly used for massing and killing anything on the ground from thousands of miles away, these tanks contain your typical fat and redneck guys from the future. You will find that building these will result in a Korean massing carriers to kill you, or let a few zealots run by all your tanks resulting in them to all kill each other.
[edit] Ghost
The Ghost is another type of nerd. They call themselves the "exterminator" but they are the most weak Terran infantry unit in the game. Even still, victory can quickly be achieved by using a Ghost to nuke one's own base the moment any hostiles arrive.
The reason these skinny guys in latex suits are so strong is that they have BALLS OF STEEL, and of course, that they have unspeakable amounts of sex while you're not looking, with whatever you're not looking at.
[edit] Nuclear Missile
Terrans officially CAN´T use nuclear missiles, because of Human Right´s stupid laws. But they can use ghost nerds as a cover. The Ghost "hacks" a command center security system and launches the missile, the commander blames the ghost for the incident and "starts an investigation", the H.R. people can´t do nothing, and everybody is happy!!!
...Except, you know, the people who got nuked, but nobody cares about them. (koreans use sorcery to aquire millions of these in a matter of seconds)
[edit] Electromagnetic Pulse - EMP (or, "Oops, did you need those shields?")
Terran finally realized nukes sucked against protoss buildings and mass carrier rush, so they enslaved all Dominion nerdies and put them to research for a counter, and they got it, the EMP OWNS any alien freak protoss yeah! (party starts at science vessel) It also screws up the psionic abilities of any units, such as a Medic (wut).
[edit] Protoss
[edit] High Templars
High Templar are basically Zealots, but on crack. When they share their drugs, even in small amounts, they can cause their enemies to hallucinate, and see double. The effects of these strange cocktails of substances have an effect similar to radiation on superheros: it allows them to make lightning strike their enemies, and occasionally themselves. They don't really care what the lightning strikes, because the sounds and bright light are sooo trippy.
[edit] Reavers
A Reaver is a caterpillar that is encased in layers upon layers of lawyer skin, and are sent out into battle. Reavers shoot Scarabs, similar to the toxic blueberry juice used by Dragoons, but rather than single blueberries, a whole bush is condensed into a small blue blob. When thrown, the Scarabs A splode on impact, staining surrounding units with ooey-gooey goodness. Koreans are most likely to use Reavers due to the devastation caused by ripping out blueberry bushes on the environment. As trade winds blow, they pick up dirt from the now barren land, and blows into North Korea, devastating local crops. However, due to anti-gravity, blueberry bushes cannot be thrown off of cliffs. When combined with shuttles, Reavers can perform miracles, such as raising the dead and turning water to wine. Reavers are also usable as GIANT dildoes.
[edit] Dark Templars
Sissies that hide in shadows with their 72" penises. They were exiled from AIIIIIIIIUR because they held different views on gigantic penises. The Dark Templars believe the longer penis you have, the more the medics will be pleased. The guys from AIIIIIIIIUR think that their penis will cause excessive damage to their holy temple. Actually, those guys are just jealous of their huge, enticing penis. The fruiter ones meld in gay marriage, becoming a Dark Archon. Dark Templars also squish Marines. Squish... squish... squish...
[edit] Dark Archons
Dark Archons are the best units in the game. Looking at a Dark Archon will cause players to go blind. Standing near one will cause players' hearts to be crushed by their overpowering aura. The best way to defend against Dark Archons is with soulless robots like Probes. Dark Archons have the three powerfully abilities: Divide By Zero, which makes a Prime Taradox that makes enemies freeze in time, Implode Mind which deals damage according to how much of a nerd the enemy is, and the signature famous Dark Archon Seduction, which seduces the target with the sheer ugliness of the Archon and causes a reverse psychology effect that causes the target to be under your control.
[edit] Pylons
See: Balls
Pylons are huge, glowing crystals with huge glowing rings of metal floating around them. By crystals, we mean Crystal Meth. Pylons are eaten by the Protoss in huge amounts in order to fuel their trippy powers 0.o Some Protoss units however, do not need Pylons, because they already have crack. The Archon, being a solid ball of crack, only laughs when you tell it to eat a Pylon. You constantly are required by law to "Construct Additional Pylons" which is as frustrating as hell. Dammit!
[edit] Archons
Archons are the gay marriage of two High Templars. They are essentially huge balls of solid crack. They instantly a splode when they come into contact with a Dark Archon, which is understandable, because Dark Archons are more alcoholics than druggies. Being solid balls of crack, they can use the ability Divide by Infinity, which counteracts the Dark Archon's ability to divide by zero.
[edit] Probes
While Probes do not have the same adverse health effects of Dark Archons, most players find that large numbers of Probes (3000-4000) can serve as a reliable standard army. Other races can employ similar strategies with SCVs and Drones, but these units have complex emotions and optical nerves, so they are much more vulnerable to Dark Archons.
[edit] Dragoons
Dragoons are basically dead Zealots that are thrown in a blender, and then stuffed into a robot along with 700 bottles of Pepsi Blue. These nightmarish warriors are difficult to counter, because upon death, they a splode, releasing toxic Pepsi Blue that stains underwear. Their flavor blast attack has been known to stuff unwary marines so full they a splode. Because of all of the marine's machine gun firepower, the 700 bottles of pepsi get so shaken up, that it a splodes into some blue goo. The best counter to this is the red wine that naturally flows from certain Zerg buildings.
[edit] Corsairs
Corairs are arguably the lousiest Protoss units ever invented. They can't attack ground units with their Neutron Boner guns. Even Zerg Overlords are known to defeat Corsairs with their "deadly staring contests". Their special attack, Ejaculation Web, fires a load of "psionic energy" at grounds units, making them haplessly frozen in semen. Upgraded Corsairs can Ejaculate twice in a row. Corsair pilots are also known to use their uncontrollably flashy eyeballs to fire lasers at enemies, but this does absolutely nothing.
[edit] Zerg
[edit] Drones
Drones are considered the useless office worker of the game, mindlessly going about doing the pimp overlords biddings and sucking it.Drones are some mutated creatures, maybe infested probes or SCV's. IF you order them to build, they will come to the ground, and they will fuck the ground and ejaculate, causing the ground to make a mutated freak baby that will consume the ejaculation. They build a new fucking building, and they build a new Drone, and when they need to build those flying shits (AKA Overlords), they quickly cancel the fucking process! Drones are very cool, because they have more HP than a crocodile has!
[edit] Overlord
You need these, flying puss bags with tentacles, imagine crabs mixed with clouds. By law, you must make more overlords, but you cannot construct overlords, YOU MUST SPAWN THEM!!! This is done by inflating the hatcheries penis's.
[edit] Uberlisk
A zerg hydralisk on top of a zerg ultralisk. This way, it can shoot genital fluids (infecting terrans, and sometimes protoss, causing broodlings to appear from their legs while their bodies remain intact) and ram enemies at the same time. Once the ultralisk is destroyed, the hydralisk drops down and hides in the ultralisk's oragans. Only found in StarCraft II, and Pokemon Emerald version, and a secret hero in Dota, obtained by fucking your own ass.
[edit] Lurkers
Lurkers are perverted slightly smaller enemy crabs that pop their ribbed boners so hard underground that it damages units. They specialize in burrowing not to destroy their enemies, but to look up hot Japanese schoolgirl ass, making them cum in the ground and explode! You can't call them perverts, though, since George Washington spammed Lurkers in order to win the Revolutionary War. You don't want to be not patriotic, do you? Huh?! DO YOU?!
[edit] Mutalisks
Mutt-a-lisks are the result of the assimilation of the Dog into the Swarm, and assimilation, meaning making a dog fuck a Reaver. Equipped with a pair of wings and two butt ugly faces, Mutt-a-lisk howls are the nightmare sound of all terran pilots. The Mutt-a-lisk attacks with a special wad of Glave Feces which rebounds off several targets causing nausea and dealing up to 12,000 damage. They can mutate into Guard dogs and Devouring dogs.
[edit] Guard Dogs
These are the evolution of Mutt-a-lisks, being bigger, smellier, sniff more ass, eat more of their own shit, and shoot hydromagnetic photon nuclear urine of darkness.
[edit] Devouring Dogs
Another evolution of the Mutt-a-lisk if your Mutt-a-lisk is a homosexual. It devours penises, making it attack male units only.
[edit] The Overmind
The Overmind is this gigantic mutated brain that uses Overlords to tell all the other smaller brainless zerg to kill stuff. Without this creature, the zerg will continue killing stuff anyway, so the Overmind is pretty much useless. In the map editor, n00bs spam overminds all over the outskirts of their base. Because of their huge size, this effectively blocks the opponent from his base. However, unless the n00b has a nydus canal, HIS troops are also blocked by the overminds as well. This usually causes them to start using the tactic "Crashing Your Opponents" which is mentioned above. When he isn't busy killing silly Terrans and commanding the Zerg, he's busy being the "world's biggest asshole".
[edit] Infested Terran
What all starcraft players become due to the subliminal messages in the game; plus the biological and chemical substances implanted on to every single starcraft disc. Not only that, these "former-players" have giant zergling penises stuck down their esophaguses... LIVE FOR THE GAME!!! ALALALALALALALALALALALALA!!!! *BOOM*
[edit] Guardians
Guardians are flying crabs. They shoot their tiny testicles filled with corrupted cum to their opponents on the ground. These crabs are really "special" and effective against ground enemies, especially Medics due to their cum corroding through the medic's armour and into her pussy. Since they're flying, you would think they would at least be able to at least attack each other, but they clearly don't cause they're retarded. The Crabs can get raped by, Valkries, Devourers, Corsairs and pretty much any air unit. The crabs can do up to 26 damage if fully uped which is the full two testicles and one penis.
[edit] Scourge
Scourge are actually mutated Tie Fighters from Star Wars that turn emo quickly and explode when in contact with enemy air units. Terran forces to this day continue to complain that Scourge are their own "creation," but apparently the Zerg don't care much for intergalactic copyright laws. But who really cares, since Scourge die in one shot.
[edit] Devourers
Huge flying shit containers made for disgussion of ships and pooing their front glasses hat makes them crash into a nearest building. They can be screwed up with a single marine but they are asses and run when taking shit from other units.
[edit] Brion-Chacha
The ultimate zerg player. He has been crowned as king after marrying Kerrigan. In recent years, he has been diagnosed with starcraft sleep disorder and infestation, such as his external organs. He has killed many zealots over his life time and earned the name "stick chopper."
[edit] Winsons
The ultimate unit of mass destruction! Zerg Winson = Instant Win = ZOMG OWNED!!!
[edit] Zerglings
The most cheap-ass Zerg unit ever created. They're fun to kill and hardly do any damage with their claws. From the spawning pool, you can research performance-enhancing drugs for Zerglings, which make them almost worth it. The best strategy for these critters is sending them into a heavily-bunkered-and-tanked Terran base in a single file line.
[edit] Ultralisks
These are basically elephants with bad tooth alignment. The most overweight of the Zerg units, Ultralisks are known to eat anything they find, such as marines, zealots, command centers, overlords, orcs, zombies, elves, and members of the Democratic Party. Apparently, Ultralisks have strong feelings against abortion after all! Of course, this is not to say that they do not have big appetites, they often steal pho from their local zerg pho outlet and therefore pissing off the Zergling pho vendor, causing a civil war to break out between the Ultralisks and the Zerglings to the humor of a cowardly, nerdy, shielding Ghost in the area.
[edit] Hydralisks
Zerg dudes that shoot green stuff. They have to smile all the time with their 200 teeth or else the Overmind would eat them. Some hydralisks also serve on Zerg-WTFOWNED Airlines. The make ideal air hydralisk-wards or hydralisk-wardess, whichever the case be becasue of their cheesy 200 teeth smile. It is known that some hydralisk-wards or -wardess have been assassinated by mutalisks flying beside the Overlord-747 transport for smiling with only 199 teeth, often the 1 tooth is caught chewing gum or some Zealot 16" penis. More rarely, some have been found to be chewing on 72" Dark Templar penis, which have been outlawed because having a 72" penis sticking out of its tooth will affect the aerodynamics of the Overlord-747, causing it to crash into a Ultralisk-Zergling Civil War and making the hydralisks join in the civil war with Overlord-747s, 737s, 777s and even the almighty Overlord-A380 to crash into the biggest blob of enemies. Nothing like killin' it like Osama Bin Laden. I AM A SEXY GRANDMAW!!!!!!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeee
[edit] Custom Maps
Blizzard incorporated the Starcraft Scenario editor with the exclusive version of the game only available in Colorado, New York, 666 Republican Drive, Atlantis, and West Berlin. The editor allows you to place unit cards and terrain cards on the map. Some notable achievements of the editor were the Madness maps. These games were so fast paced and required so little skill that they were nicknamed Madness. It soon became hard to find anything else other then Madness games because of how fun they were to play. Another epic creation was the BGH maps. These maps separated the n00bs from everyone else, and were known for their lack of resources and space.
[edit] Popularity
The popularity of Starcraft has grown over the many, many boring years. Blizzard has made every attempt to keep this knowledge hidden from the public, but the truth shall be revealed, much the same way the umbrella corporation made miniture poodles to sell to most European and American countries [citation needed]. The Koreans, or otherwise known as the undisputed masters of all PC, have turned Starcraft into a business job, much the same way that people dance for a living.
It is rumoured that 10 Koreans still play this game over blizzard's battle.net in a 10vs10 yet nobody else joins.
[edit] Battle.Net
Battle.net is the place where everyone lags and bitch about aforementioned lag. BNET consists mostly of:
[edit] Quotes
YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS BEFORE VIEWING THIS!!!!
[edit] Azns
Battle.net is full of Azns, particularly Koreans. The way to identify one is to look at the name of the Azn-in-question. If their name has "AzN" or at least 4 numbers in it, there is a 90 percent chance they are Azns. The surge of Azns on Battle.net makes it impossible to play a multi-player game without getting Zerg Rushed within 2 to 5 seconds. (This time, of course, includes the time you spend waiting to get into the battle.) While there are realms on Battle.net for different locations, Azns have flooded all of them, probably just to screw with us.
[edit] N00bs
"N00b" is the StarCraft terminology for a godlike player. His skills are so feared that other players avoid playing with them so as not to waste the n00b's time. Many players, when finding out that their teammate is a n00b will usually shout with delight. The only way they can possibly express their euphoria is by shouting, "OMG GUYZ ITZA FUCKIN NOOB". The opponents usually respond with, "HAHAHAHA SUX 2 B U!!!!11!", although as to why they are happy for their imminent demise there is much debate. In the rare chance that a n00b cannot win the game for their team, the team usually blames it on the n00b, who probably lost because he was sending everyone trojans to show his sheer n00biness.
Other people on Battle.net include:
[edit] Girls
There are no girls on the internet except for Korean girls.
[edit] N3RDZ
People who have been banished from the Science Facilities for being too nub or smoking too much crack.
[edit] Games related to StarCraft
[edit] My little pony: Adventure park
the most kick-ass game is related to starcraft... comand those damn ponys to victory
[edit] Starcraft: Ghost
This game was not released, even though they made it 5 different times with 5 different companies.
[edit] Starcraft 2
- Main article: Starcraft 2
The 2nd coming of Jesus.
On a more serious note, this game is a fresh new insight on a totally new genre of strategy games to come. Funny thing, that's what Blizz said when they released Diablo 2 and Warcraft III. But I guess this time it's for real...
[edit] World of Starcraft
"It's time to drop out of school, quit your job, divorce your spouse, disown your children, cancel your gym membership, upgrade your PC, and clear out your schedule for World of Starcraft. Hot on the heels of the unprecedented success of its first massively multiplayer online role-playing game, Blizzard Entertainment is taking its other best-known real-time strategy brand and doing it up proper. We've only caught a glimpse of a work-in-progress version of World of Starcraft so details are scarce at this time, but we're already prepared to lay all our credibility and all your trust in us on the line by predicting that this will surely end up being GameSpot's 2008 Game of the Year when it finally comes out, assuming it doesn't get delayed. After all, when you take World of Warcraft; replace the "Warcraft" with "Starcraft;" fix a whole bunch of World of Warcraft's problems; introduce a whole new set of mechanics and gameplay features; and throw in stim packs, psionic storms, and devourers, you obviously have a completely different and even better game. "
[edit] See also
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