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“Come look at my shiny new quarters, little boy”
~ Oscar Wilde on State Quarter program
“If I totally had a nickel for every time they changed the quarter, I'd have, like, $2.56!”
~ Jessica Simpson on State Quarter program
The state quarter program started in 1999 by the U.S. Mint to raise interest in coin collecting, resulting in more children going into those creepy coin collecting stores. There will be a series of 50 quarters, the tail or reverse or the side without a floating head featuring an image depicting each state in the best light possible, generating untold billions in tourist revenue. The quarters would be circulated in the order in which the states bribed the U.S. Treasury. Most quarters feature a likeness of the state, the state motto, and something the state is noted for. The series started with Adam, and will end with the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| image
| Delaware
| "The First State" Caesar Romero
| Delaware features the image of Caesar Romero, who portrayed the Joker on TV's Batman. The reason? Delawarans just love that Joker!
|
| image
| Pennsylvania
| "Can I borrow a Pencil?" Rocky Balboa
| Famous Philadelphian, and signer of the Declaration Rocky Balboa is depicted
|
| image
| New Jersey
| "Armpit of America" Tony Soprano and Bruce Springsteen
| Image of the Springsteen shaking hands with Soprano
|
| image
| Georgia
| "The Peachtree State" "Millions of peaches, peaches for me!"
| A can of sliced cling peaches in heavy syrup
|
| Connectthedots
| "Connect the dots!"
| A connect-the-dots image of the state
|
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| image
| Massachusetts
| "The Kennedy State" "The Yankees ah wicked retahded!"
| The three famous Kennedy brothers in Redsox attire
|
| image
| Maryland
| "We've got Crabs!"
| A crab
|
| image
| South Carolina
| "Let's Secede again, Third time lucky!"
| Refers to the state's previous attempts to leave the Union
|
| image
| New Hampshire
| "The 'We're #1' State"
| The state depicted as a giant foam finger
|
| image
| Virginia
| "Everybody important was born here" Washington, Jeffereson, Monroe, Madison, Henry, Lee, Stonewall Jackson
| Lists the names of all the notable figures in US History born there
|
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| image
| New York
| "The Asshole State" "The Big Asshole"
| The outline of the state with an enormous anus in the center
|
| image
| North Carolina
| "The Air Jordan State" "'Cause nobody knows what a 'Tarheel' is!"
| The birthplace of the basketball star, refer's to the state's former nickname.
|
| image
| Rhode Island
| "It neither a road nor an island!"
| image of a crossed-out road and island
|
| image
| Vermont
| "Hippies and Cows!"
| A quart of Ben and Jerry's
|
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| Tennessee
| "The Trailer Park State"
| Image of a Mobile Home
|
| image
| Ohio
| "Round on both ends, Hi in the Middle!"
| Outline of the state next to a rubber chicken
|
| image
| Lousiana
| "Katrina and the Waves!"
| A blank obverse with a few waves and ripples
|
| image
| Indiana
| "At the buzzer...SWISH!"
| A basketball going through the hoop
|
| image
| Mississippi
| "The Cross Burning State"
| A flaming cross
|
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| image
| Illinois
| "Lincoln, Bitches!"
| Basically, the head of a penny.
|
| Image
| Alabama
| "It's a Boy State"
| Image with emphasis on the Gulf Coast region's peninsulas
|
| image
| Maine
| "The Stephen King State"
| King standing on a pentagram
|
| Image
| Missouri
| "Life Along the Mrs. Ippy" Mark Twain
| Mark Twain punching out Oscar Wilde
|
| Image
| Arkansas
| "The Lone Tooth State"
| A mouth with very bad teeth. Consists of two dimes and a nickel stuck together with gum.
|
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| image
| Michigan
| "America, Flipping You Off!"
| Hands Superimposed on the Upper and Lower Peninsulas, gesturing obscenely
|
| image
| Florida
| "America's Junk"
| Florida hanging suggestively off of the Continental US
|
| image
| Texas
| "Oil and Cowboys"
| An outline of the state with a Oil derrick gushing oil everywhere
|
| Image
| Iowa
| "Too Much Corn"
| A farmer facing a cornfield, his hand behind him, with Uncle Sam counting out bills into the farmer's hand.
|
| image
| Wisconsin
| "Eat Cheese or Die"
| A cow holding a gun to your head
|
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| image
| California
| "Fruits and Nuts"
| The outline of the state filled with fruit salad
|
| image
| Minnesota
| "Land of, like, a zillion lakes, yah!"
| An idiot ice fishing
|
| image
| Oregon
| "Don't Mess With Mt. Hood"
| A field of grave markers
|
| Image
| Kansas
| "Intelligent Design!"
| God
|
| image
| West Virginia
| "The Inbred State"
| An ugly, deformed inbred retard on a porch with a banjo
|
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| image
| Nevada
| "Deserts, Atomic Test Sites, and Casinos!"
| A desert with a mushroom cloud, with the "waving cowboy" sign
|
| image
| Nebraska
| "Iowa stole our corn idea!"
| More Corn
|
| image
| Colorado
| "Rocky Mountain High, Colorado!"
| Depicts John Denver's fiery death in a plane crash.
|
| image
| North Dakota
| "No, That's in South Dakota!"
| Nothing, nothing but windswept steppes
|
| Image
| South Dakota
| "Mount Rushmore, Indians, and Bikers!"
| You guessed it!
|
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| image
| Montana
| "The Buttload of Mountains State!"
| An buttload of mountains
|
| image
| Washington
| "Pot's practically legal here!"
| Space Needle in front of a Cannabis leaf
|
| image
| Idaho
| "Potatoes!"
| A Potato
|
| Image
| Wyoming
| Wyoming? Why indeed!
| A big question mark
|
| Image
| Utah
| "More and More Mormons!"
| A Mormon family with a husband, 3 wives, and 36 kids.
|
| Quarter
| State
| Text
| Explanation
|
| image
| Oklahoma
| "Not OK, dammit, in fact, it sucks!"
| Oil, cows, and Indians.
|
| image
| New Mexico
| "More Money and Fewer Mexicans than Old Mexico!"
| A mexcian, at siesta, in sombrero and serape, with an X through him.
|
| image
| Arizona
| It's not just deserts! We have woman chain gangs!"
| "Chained heat" style hottie
|
| Image
| Alaska
| "Oil, polar bears, gold, eskimos, oil, and snow"!
| You figure it out!
|
| Image
| Hawaii
| "Get Lei'd in Hawaii!"
| A hot hula girl
|
| Image
| Canada
| "We've always been a state, just didn't want to admit it, eh?"
| A Moose
|