Stephen Fry

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“Ah, yes, Stephen Fry. I starred in his biopic, you know. I don't remember doing it, but I saw it once.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Stephen Fry

Stephen Fry as Oscar Wilde, or is that the other way around?

Stephen Fry is a well-known life insurance salesman and actor who is best known for his roles in such historical documentaries as Blackadder and Murder, She Wrote. His stellar work in A Fish Formerly Known as Freddy won him universal acclaim and eternal fame in the north-west region of Uzbekistan, the people of which understood his gulping, goggle-eyed acting as a complex metaphor for the badly managed and poorly financed snake oil mines set up in the region by his erstwhile producer. When questioned whether this was indeed his motive he replied "Yes, yes, well, yes, I always had a very warm feeling for the poor little fishies." It is not known whether this was an extension of the metaphor, or merely an example of his trademark good-natured burbling.

Born in the year 1957 AD, Stephen Fry has been renowned for many years for having been in his late forties his entire life. Most famously remembered for his contribution to The Meaning of Life (something about Morris Dancing and Terry Pratchett), Stephen has also starred in many second-rate movies including "Dude, Where's My Tweed Haversack?" and "Why Nobody Can Tell Me Apart From Oscar Wilde" in which he famously appeared as 'Nancy the kitchen girl'. His masterpiece "The Lyre" used the instrument as a metaphor, and the metaphor as an instrument, thus amounting to a vast, splendiferous, expansive and fluffy exploratory account of Fry's homosexuality. In the early nineteen seventies, he gained his infamous, rakishly angled nose after being bludgeoned with an elderly Scottish woman by an elderly Scottish gentleman whom he had (unfortunately) propositioned. He even visited the fabled island of Burntisland and came back with a bad case of temporary insanity and and a particularly virulent case of the clap. However, when this spell of mad ranting and raving had passed, he discovered that the tribesmen on Burntisland had relieved him of the family jewels and and then found, to his horror, the he could not retrieve them, as the tribespeople were now using them as Christmas ornaments, leaving him a sad eunuch.

When Stephen is not writing execrable poetry about fast food outlets, he can be found hosting the quiz show QI (Quiet Interest) in which the guests have to produce as many interesting revelations about Jeremy Clarkson's sexuality as possible in a forty-minute time period. Fry's main activity in this is to humiliate Alan Davies as many times as possible in the same period, by declaring his seemingly correct assumptions of Clarkson's sexuality to be completely incorrect. However, recent media speculation has brought to public attention that this humiliation may in fact be a thinly veiled attempt to disguise an intense sexual tension between the pair. Indeed, an unnamed source has described Fry and Davies as "the most homoerotic double act since Oscar and Bosie". It is equally rumored that allegations of this affair prompted a jealous Hugh Laurie's well-documented addiction to Vicodin.

Fry is also widely considered the smartest man alive and many people travel across the world to his flat in London in search of answers to their numerous questions. However, they may ask only three.

Fry is infamously known to support his local side Norwich City by his father claiming he would play for the club. Instead, a young Fry at the age of 12 decided to join the board of directors but was crushed when several board members forced him into the cloakroom and took his virginity to the dry cleaners. Fry was recorded as saying "looking back it was rather disturbing but nowadays I respect those people. They made me the man I am today."

[edit] Quotes

Stephen Fry as a child. Notice the gun with which to force his knowledge down other people's throats.

“I'll let you fellas in on a little secret - I'm not actually Jewish, gay or a manic depressive! It was all a ploy to win your sympathy! And you fools fell for it hook, line and sinker!”

~ Stephen Fry on being quite crazy, really

“I'm just popping out for some Belgian Waffles.”

~ Stephen Fry on waffles

“I have nothing to declare but my penis enhancer.”

~ Stephen Fry on drugs

“Favourite books? I hear that "Moab is my Washpot" is a masterpiece. Buy it at once.”

~ Stephen Fry on the best book ever written

“There is much to experience in the realms of gay sex outside of the orbit of the anal ring. Felching, for instance. What what.”

~ Stephen Fry on felching

“ALL YOUR SCRIPTS ARE BELONG TO US!”

~ Stephen Fry on Writing for Doctor Who

“MEIN HANDY.”

~ Stephen Fry on Mein Handy

“Why do all my books contain Cambridge University and some sort of gay sex?.”

~ Stephen Fry on the obvious

[edit] Stephen Fry is not to be confused with the following:

However, there are rumours that he is in fact the mummified, living-dead corpse of Oscar Wilde, brought back from his Egyptian tomb after a 3,700-year-sleep by a special Twinings brew; as-yet unconfirmed.

Stephen Fry is also the following: